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Substance Abuse
Seeing the Paths of our Difficult Children in a Positive Light
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<blockquote data-quote="Carolita2" data-source="post: 672877" data-attributes="member: 19632"><p>Yes</p><p></p><p>I wish I knew how to highlight and comment..This is a beautiful post...</p><p>When we began the big detachment from our son I had just read Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children, by Allison Bottke..My take away from the book was love and forgiveness...for our son and ourselves...then we began, in earnest, the letting go process, and withdrawing of financial support..The first thing we did was write a letter of amends to our son. It was basically about what we perceived as our role in the situation and how our enabling had been harmful to him and sent a negative message to him about himself, "he wan't capable of taking care of himself". We really believed it!!! What's worse is I think he believes it too..</p><p>This act, was what it took for me to begin to detach because I felt it was done with love and not anger..What he got out of it I don't know. There was/is still plenty of anger on his part towards us..</p><p>I guess my question is do any of you feel that addiction is an illness?</p><p>In the Naranon blue book it states" we have learned that addiction is an illness, not a moral issue..It is a two fold disease: A,physical allergy coupled with an obsession of the mind..It can be arrested but never cured. It is similar to diabetes in this respect. Only complete abstinence from the use of drugs or alcohol can arrest this disease..We can no more prevent the addict's use of drugs then we can stop the tubercular's cough. No one, not even the doctor not the clergy, nor the family, can do this for them.</p><p>We have found that compulsive use of drugs does not indicate a lack of affection for the family. It is not a matter of love, but of illness. The addict has lost the power of choice in the matter of drugs. Even when he knows what will happen when he takes the first drink, pill or fix, he will do so. This is the insanity we speak of in regard to the disease.</p><p>When we fully understand and accept that addiction is a disease, that it is both mental and physical, and,that we are powerless over it, we become ready to learn a better way to live..</p><p>This doesn't mean we go back in or enable or try to change them but as we accept them as they are and love them from afar even, it nothing else, it can make us better.. and we are the only ones that we can truly change.. (last paragraph was my synopsis from Naranon chapter on helping, but 1st 3 paragraphs were verbatim from the book).</p><p>I believe in the power of love and this website and the love expressed here one parent to another embodies the healing power of that love...</p><p>Carolita</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Carolita2, post: 672877, member: 19632"] Yes I wish I knew how to highlight and comment..This is a beautiful post... When we began the big detachment from our son I had just read Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children, by Allison Bottke..My take away from the book was love and forgiveness...for our son and ourselves...then we began, in earnest, the letting go process, and withdrawing of financial support..The first thing we did was write a letter of amends to our son. It was basically about what we perceived as our role in the situation and how our enabling had been harmful to him and sent a negative message to him about himself, "he wan't capable of taking care of himself". We really believed it!!! What's worse is I think he believes it too.. This act, was what it took for me to begin to detach because I felt it was done with love and not anger..What he got out of it I don't know. There was/is still plenty of anger on his part towards us.. I guess my question is do any of you feel that addiction is an illness? In the Naranon blue book it states" we have learned that addiction is an illness, not a moral issue..It is a two fold disease: A,physical allergy coupled with an obsession of the mind..It can be arrested but never cured. It is similar to diabetes in this respect. Only complete abstinence from the use of drugs or alcohol can arrest this disease..We can no more prevent the addict's use of drugs then we can stop the tubercular's cough. No one, not even the doctor not the clergy, nor the family, can do this for them. We have found that compulsive use of drugs does not indicate a lack of affection for the family. It is not a matter of love, but of illness. The addict has lost the power of choice in the matter of drugs. Even when he knows what will happen when he takes the first drink, pill or fix, he will do so. This is the insanity we speak of in regard to the disease. When we fully understand and accept that addiction is a disease, that it is both mental and physical, and,that we are powerless over it, we become ready to learn a better way to live.. This doesn't mean we go back in or enable or try to change them but as we accept them as they are and love them from afar even, it nothing else, it can make us better.. and we are the only ones that we can truly change.. (last paragraph was my synopsis from Naranon chapter on helping, but 1st 3 paragraphs were verbatim from the book). I believe in the power of love and this website and the love expressed here one parent to another embodies the healing power of that love... Carolita [/QUOTE]
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