difficult child is still in php. He has been doing fairly well. He normally calls between 3-5. He didn't yesterday. I texted him about something else and no reply. About 9 pm, I checked his cell records. He had called two of his ex-user pals. This is a dealbreaker - the one thing I warned him against the last time we talked to the therapist. He finally answered at 10:30. Rude. Defiant. Said ex-user (H) wanted to know about rehab and is was his 12 step duty to help him. Said H had 3 days clean and his mom was sending him to a $30K detox in Miami and then to rehab. That H was excited about going and he was merely telling him what it was like. (uh huh) Then he explained he wants to move from PHP to IOP. The therapist said he has to show up on time for a solid week. He has trouble doing this so he decided to sleep in the afternoon and stay up all night so he would be on time. (uh huh) We fought. I called therapist who asked me to drive over and meet Friday afternoon. Talked to difficult child this afternoon. Still defiant. (Although he did admit he agreed not to talk to this guy.) Told me he stayed at his sponsor's house last night because he was so triggered after our call and that he would likely have to do it again tonight. (Not my problem.) However, I do think he is sober plus they tested him today. Truthfully, I am sick of this. I stayed in bed all day because I couldn't find the strength to do anything else. As soon as I got up, I started crying. I know I am having a pity party but - difficult child has a whole team of people helping him - and doesn't want me anywhere near rehab. Doesn't care if I get their help or not. Said that I would mess up things there. Here's the part I haven't shared --- about three weeks ago, difficult child confessed to some crimes to me. Without going into detail, the details didn't make sense to me. I asked my therapist about it (who saw difficult child for 4-5 years) and he didn't think it made sense either. difficult child told me he confessed to one of the rehab therapists. So, I asked the family therapist about it. It was news to him. I didn't tell him what I or my therapist thought but he concluded it wasn't a believable story either. I don't get it. Why would he tell me he did awful things (no one was hurt in the stories he told me but it was bad nevertheless) if he didn't? I know he has been telling people online that he has more arrests than he did plus has been to prison (he hasn't). I'm just don't get it. Just need to find some balance. Hoping he will hold it together until he is released into the sober house. Tomorrow, I want an agreement that he will find full time employment. I'm tired of paying all these bills alone. Thanks for listening. I know all of you have your own burdens but - if you will - please say a prayer that I am stop crying and find some peace.