Seeking advice from all!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Emily1, Jan 28, 2010.

  1. Emily1

    Emily1 New Member

    My name is Emily and my husband husband each have children just none together. My Stepson is a difficult child. He has been diagnosed as conduct disorder with antisocial personality childhood on set. We are in agreement with the diagnosis, and have been through every medication available and nothing works. He has been receiving intensive family therapy for over a year, which includes direct support, therapy, respite. He has been in 3 hospitals, 1 (so called thereputic group home) for 3 months and discharged unsuccesfully. He has also been arrested for misdermeanors and has spent 60 days in a Juvenile detention center which he calls Day Care. The cops have been to our home and neighbors homes to many times to count.

    We have done everything the therapist has asked us to try. We were doing great and bammmmm he went and got suspended from school for the 2nd time pending a long term suspension up too 1 year. difficult child has no credits for high school even though he should be in 10th grade. Please tell me how you are supposed to sit back and let your 16 year old sit around doing nothing. Well my husband decided that he has to get a job and work full time..Well no need to say difficult child has no idea how to fill out an application, and even told 2 store managers he has been expelled from school.

    Sorry for rambling, so much to say (or vent). difficult child was arrested again after putting our house through hell once again. We went to court and the judge is holding him as a recomendation from his probation officer. So we go back to court in 2 weeks. We have had a long conversation with difficult child bio mom who refuses to have him back in the home, and we cannot take him back home either. So we have decided to put him in the thereputic foster home where he can stay for up to 6 months and than place him in this boot cam for 5 more months and than I don't know what else to do. we only have 2 years left and refuse to allow him to ruin this house any more.

    difficult child has long history of, PATHOLOGICAL LYING, STEALING, FIRE STARTING, ANIMAL CRUELTY, CHARMING, MANIPULATIVE just to name a few.

    Just a note we have another child in the home who is 14 and is so angry at everything that is going on.

    Please share any advise on therapeutic foster homes.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, obviously this child has had a chaotic past and developed a personality disorder that is quite serious. I have no answers, but can link you up to a board for people with antisocial personality disorder. I am not sure there is ANYTHING you can do for him. These people don't have a conscience. I'd try to keep him out of the home. These sites I'm posting include links, resources, almost anything you can ask for. Here's the link:
  3. ML

    ML Guest

    This story breaks my heart for you, for him and for our society. I'm sorry for all you're endured and will pray for a miracle.
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Hi & welcome Emily.

    My son, wm, is currently & has been since 2006, in a therapeutic group foster home. I have nothing but good things to say about this home & how wm is doing there.

    Saying that, wm is severe AD with complex PTSD & bipolar. We're dealing (possibly?) with a whole different set of diagnosis's & treatments needed.

    I would recommend & in fact I demanded that I see the home first - interview the foster parents & any other staff that may work there. (We were darned lucky - the group home wm is in now - the parents there have been doing this for 40 years now; have a great staff to work with the children & have been named foster parents of the year for the entire state 5 years in a row. I digress - sorry.)

    Ask for the crisis plan, how many staffings are done & who will attend the staffing (we have quarterly staffings). Who will be involved with therapy - same psychiatrist?, same therapist? etc. Any question you need answered you ask. As for consequences be sure you get from the foster parents what they utilize as a consequence. Get the state guidelines.

    Saying all this, this is not unlike a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) except it's more relaxed in it's setting & there are more freedoms. There should be a county SW, a mental health care manager, a foster SW (licensee representative) plus any other treatment staff involved.

    If difficult child rages & starts being destructive or runs, what will this home do? If the answer is anything other call 911 for transport of a mentally ill adolescent I would be hesitant.

    There should never be limits on visitation - ever. Never use visits/non visits as a consequence.

    Will difficult child be going to the same school? If not what school district? I would expect he would be attending a transitional school high school given his age.

    I hope this helps to some degree.