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Seek's Journey: Some Experiences, Insights, Lessons, Tools, Other :)
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<blockquote data-quote="seek" data-source="post: 716992" data-attributes="member: 22002"><p><strong>I have to think philosophically about death, because it helps me not make it the worst thing that could happen. </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Obviously, alcohol and drug addiction is not consistent with "healthy life." I have no control over his choices, and am shocked at many of them, which to me, make no sense (in terms of survival or having a healthy life) - so rather than fight with "what is," I am working with myself to understand that I have no control over someone else's life or their death . . . and that we all die . . . </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>My beliefs are not mainstream - I believe there is purpose to everything - and that contracts are made before life to play out certain scenarios . . . I don't know why I am here on this planet - not sure what I am gaining by being involved in this drama, but I do know that all of this has made me grow and expand. I also know that I have come a long way in forgiving him, and other family members for acting out. I do NOT and never will understand making choices that hurt yourself AND other people - I feel that is morally wrong and I view it as a mental illness - a twisted coping mechanism . . . I studied Abraham Hicks and they say that every person is simply seeking relief - and I believe that is true.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I am currently grappling with the idea of "hope." I have been very hopeful - someone told me in AA they have something to say about "hope" - not sure what it is. I don't know, if in my case, it is going into denial or living in a fantasy world - I think it is basically "none of my business" what he ends up doing . . . as we are all sovereign beings on our own spiritual paths (my belief).</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Today I am struggling because of my fears - I have other family members that I am not as attached to - when you are attached, and you feel that the person might not be making "good" choices, then you feel fear that something "bad" may happen - I fear I might be called on to do something that I don't want to do - or that I won't be able to cope - it's about his health and well-being - which "I" want - and my coping mechanism, which I fear may be failing. It's painful.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>One of the things that I noticed in the month long process was that I was able to maintain my sanity and had emotional well-being, most of the time. Today, I feel like I am slipping a bit and need to do whatever to restore myself to the place where "all is well," no matter what is going on in the outer world.</strong></p><p></p><p><strong>I have no family support, which I seem to be coming to terms with after many years of hoping for it (there's that word again) and thinking that "this time" my children would step up and at least offer me some emotional comfort - but they can't and/or won't - and I have to face it. I also have no real, true friends who would "be there" for me, should I need a shoulder to lean on. I do have paid people who can help me, so at least that is one good thing.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I don't want to go into "pity party" mode!!! Feel like I'm on the verge of it! </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="seek, post: 716992, member: 22002"] [B]I have to think philosophically about death, because it helps me not make it the worst thing that could happen. Obviously, alcohol and drug addiction is not consistent with "healthy life." I have no control over his choices, and am shocked at many of them, which to me, make no sense (in terms of survival or having a healthy life) - so rather than fight with "what is," I am working with myself to understand that I have no control over someone else's life or their death . . . and that we all die . . . My beliefs are not mainstream - I believe there is purpose to everything - and that contracts are made before life to play out certain scenarios . . . I don't know why I am here on this planet - not sure what I am gaining by being involved in this drama, but I do know that all of this has made me grow and expand. I also know that I have come a long way in forgiving him, and other family members for acting out. I do NOT and never will understand making choices that hurt yourself AND other people - I feel that is morally wrong and I view it as a mental illness - a twisted coping mechanism . . . I studied Abraham Hicks and they say that every person is simply seeking relief - and I believe that is true. I am currently grappling with the idea of "hope." I have been very hopeful - someone told me in AA they have something to say about "hope" - not sure what it is. I don't know, if in my case, it is going into denial or living in a fantasy world - I think it is basically "none of my business" what he ends up doing . . . as we are all sovereign beings on our own spiritual paths (my belief). Today I am struggling because of my fears - I have other family members that I am not as attached to - when you are attached, and you feel that the person might not be making "good" choices, then you feel fear that something "bad" may happen - I fear I might be called on to do something that I don't want to do - or that I won't be able to cope - it's about his health and well-being - which "I" want - and my coping mechanism, which I fear may be failing. It's painful. One of the things that I noticed in the month long process was that I was able to maintain my sanity and had emotional well-being, most of the time. Today, I feel like I am slipping a bit and need to do whatever to restore myself to the place where "all is well," no matter what is going on in the outer world.[/B] [B]I have no family support, which I seem to be coming to terms with after many years of hoping for it (there's that word again) and thinking that "this time" my children would step up and at least offer me some emotional comfort - but they can't and/or won't - and I have to face it. I also have no real, true friends who would "be there" for me, should I need a shoulder to lean on. I do have paid people who can help me, so at least that is one good thing. I don't want to go into "pity party" mode!!! Feel like I'm on the verge of it! [/B] [/QUOTE]
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