Seems like it is sadly near the end

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, Aug 11, 2017.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Short version. 93 year old dad, who had been independent most of those years, fell down and broke his hip. He needed surgery.
    My brother texted me that he did not have surgery. His vitals are too low. So its medication and...palliative care for my father who loves to live alone, drive himself and dance. I hope he is not too alert, but I am told he is able to follow commands. I hope he doesn't realize his situation.

    I owned no dresses. This morning i shopped for funeral attire because who knows how long he has? I am ready to go to Chicago at any time if things turn grave suddenly. If not, hubby and I are going in next weekend. Right now I wish I lived closer.

    I am of the strong belief that our consciousness survives death. I believe my dad will dance all he wants in a beautiful ballroom with his crossed over girlfriend in the next world. Happy! No pain or restriction! But he is here now. He is brave but I bet he is scared.

    His passing, whenever he leaves, will be the end of my family of origin for me. I would stay in touch with bro as he is a great person, but i have reached out to him and received no response. That is his right. He would have to reach out to me next. I wont grovel. I have acquired self respect. But I do love my brother.

    In my sorrow I have moments of wishing I could share this with Sis, but in the end that would not work. We are not meant to be together in this lifetime. We will see each other for the last time at the funeral. Myself and some of my chosen family will come and go quickly. Funerals are for the living. No need to linger afterward. I don't know most of that side of the family.

    I am very sad and reflective today. I work tonight, a good thing. Thank God for my understanding husband and kids. I just wish Dad did not have to suffer. Why cant everyone go peacefully in sleep?

    Everyone loses his/her parents. I did not feel this way with Mother as I had grieved for our non relationship years before she passed. The only loved one I grieved for like this was my beloved grandmother. This is the first parent I had a relationship with that I am losing.

    I am such a baby. I remember I bawled when my exes grandmother died. His Scandinavian family was stoic at the funeral, but I couldn't stop bawling. My ex leaned over a few times to whisper "Stop!" But I couldn't. I am so much older now. I think I can control myself this time.

    Although he could be abusive, I will miss him a lot. I know that sounds kooky. But he loves me. And that matters. I so appreciate that love. I love him too.
     
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2017
  2. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I am sorry you are going thru this. Hugs. My dad was 73 when he died from Parkinson's related medical issues. Very hard.
     
  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Aww SWOT I am so sorry for your pain. Losing parents is so very hard.
     
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so very sorry. (((((hugs)))))

    Do what is right for you and your husband and kids regarding the funeral and mourning. Don't let ANYONE make you ashamed of how you mourn. EVER. So what if you cry obviously? He is your father and you love him!! Go ahead and cry!!! Let them be ashamed for not showing their feelings! Or for judging other people. Life is far too short to spend your time trying to make your feelings, and how you show them, fit what other people think they should look like. You just go ahead and be you. Know that we love you for who and what you are, and those who don't can go ahead and deal with ME! I will channel my mother in a mood and rip them to shreds in a very quiet, polite, civilized tone of voice. It scares the living daylights out of people - no joke! They won't know what hit them! The kicker is that I am so polite while I do it that they cannot be upset because I am not rude, it really makes people confused.
     
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry about your father. You are entitled to grieve in any way that you chose. Never apologize to anyone for the way that you feel.
     
  6. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    Hugs SWOT. THis is very hard stuff. all I can say is cry your eyes out if you want to...grab your husband and do a dance...sing your heart out..eat your favourite foods and whatever you need to to take care of yourself. I very much believe in another spiritual world where he will be happy and will be looking over you.!
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I thank everyone. I totally believe in life cotinuing on in spirit. Its getting there that can be hard. As for mourning my own way, I will. I am beyond the bawling not, at least in public. I know that we really dont die. That makes it easier, at least once they are gone. Right now I am numb and sad. Of course I will be polite at the time, when it comes.

    Folks, i love you all, but after talking to my therapist about the back and forth with my sister, I am going to try to stop my own addiction...this site. I need to post, if I do, on a safe place where nobody reads my thoughts. A site nobody knows about or a FB private place.

    I am going to try to stop fifteen or more years of being here. It is time.

    I quit caffeine, true crime shows/books, and junk food. I hope to do this too.

    Thank you...and cross your fingers please. I need to at least go on a long vacation for my own good and for that of my sister too. She is bothered by my posts here...I have to stop for her too.

    Hugs!
     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2017
  8. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    I understand but please know how much you will be missed. You give wonderful counsel and have helped so so many people including myself. Please check in with us from time to time. I wish you well on your journey! Hugs!
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sis, i never wanted to go back to this place. Shame on me. It is over on my part.
     
  10. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    SWOT, first of all I am so sorry for the heartache of losing a parent, especially without close family to share the burden.

    As far as you leaving the site, you must do whatever is best for you. I know I speak for everyone here when I tell you how much you will be missed. You have such a unique take on situations, your honesty is refreshing and very much needed, and you have a way of phrasing that cuts right to the truth. Can I keep one of your quotes in my signature?:)

    Whatever you decide, I certainly wish you the very best -- and I hope you will let us know in one way or another how you are doing from time to time. Many hugs and thanks to you.
     
  11. shauna

    shauna New Member

    It's okay...sorry too. C u tomorrow
     
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Yes. This is a sad time...i feel humble.
     
  13. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am sorry about your father.
     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2017
  14. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I will miss seeing you around here. You have no idea how much your advice has helped me on this tortured journey. You tell it like it is without mincing words and I love that about you.
     
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  15. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Sorry about your dad. When I lost my dad, even though we didn't get along, I was surprised how hard it was. I don't come here to this site every day. And if I have an important project, I don't come here at all. I took FB APP off my phone. This way it is time consuming for me to get on FB and that alone greatly reduced the frequency of how often I go there. It has been kinda difficult, but I have learned to become "un-addicted" to social media. It can be done. BUT we are all different and need to do what is best for us personally. Wishing you well.
     
  16. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Many warm hugs, SWOT. Please do what is best for you.
     
  17. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad. It's so hard to lose our loved ones. I pray that when the time comes for him he will pass peacefully.

    You have grown so much on your own journey and I have no doubt that you will get through this difficult time.

    I understand about you needing to step away from this site but hope that you will pop in once in a while. I will miss you. I have gleaned so much from your posts over the years I have been here.

    I always wish you the very best that life can offer sweet lady.

    Love and Hugs and to you.......
     
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  18. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Just caught up on this thread.

    So sorry about your dad! I remember when I met my husband (who has 3 older sisters) he said once his parents were gone he would not have sisters anymore. Huh?

    Well he kind of was right. We only have a relationship with his one sister now. So I hear where you are coming from! It's sad but it's how it goes sometimes.

    I too will miss you terribly! I am addicted to this site also but since I'm still dealing with my Difficult Child I think it's helpful for me.

    Please keep in touch and if you decide to feed this addiction, we'd enjoy it!
    :byebye:
     
  19. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    SWOT
    Take good care of you. I am sorry for the grief you are gong through. I know it as I am in the thick of it just losing my Dad last year and my mom this year.

    We will miss you. If you decide to pop in every now and then we would love that
     
  20. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    He is gone.