Seems they've traded places?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Mar 17, 2010.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I can't even count how many times I've read on here about difficult children and easy child's swapping roles...but now here I am saying the same thing...and worried because I don't want to jinx anything, of course!

    easy child is now my difficult child and difficult child's long reigning role has come to an end, or so it seems. I'm going to have to update my siggy.

    difficult child is still with her 'old man' (aka boyfriend who is 29 with 2 young sons!) and HAPPY. She's working, still spends time with friends, and has a respectable hard working boyfriend. She still spirals and still has her difficult child moments, but for the most part, she's responsible. She calls when she's not coming home, she helps around the house, and she gets mad at me when I don't have time to spend with her getting our nails done on the same appointment. Hahaha.

    easy child, on the other hand, is still staying at her boyfriend's parent's house in a separate bedroom. She is not recovering well from the pneumonia and calls me almost every day to log in her latest health complaint. She said she's waiting to see her new therapist next week before committing to moving back home or remaining at the boyfriend's house. She's on cymbalta for 3 months now and I think it's making her depression and anxiety worse. She did sign a consent form at the doctors giving the Dr permission to discuss her health with me, but with the way things stand between us, I hesitate to call the Dr. Instead I asked easy child if she thought the cymbalta was helping her depression and she said, no lie, "Is that why I'm taking Cymbalta?" Could have knocked me over with a feather....what??? She doesn't even know why she's taking this medication? So, she told me the Dr gave it to her for fibro myalgia symptoms. Dr told me it was for depression, anxiety AND the pain but never told easy child. WTH?

    I will admit that I am very concerned about her health, but it has been kind of nice not having her a less tense kind of way. Ironic, isn't it? She's the one who said WE were too tense - turns out it's HER. lol.
  2. I'd suggest you call her doctor's office right away.

    I just visited and saw that it can be prescribed for, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Diabetic Nerve Pain, and Fibromyalgia. It has the warning "You should not stop taking Cymbalta without talking to your healthcare provider."

    Here's a link for the prescribing information, side-effects and warnings...

    The following is in bold type within that publication. I'd suggest calling her doctor and informing of your opinion that her depression is worsening. It is awesome that she has signed something for her doctor to discuss with you... but even if she hadn't you can still call her doctor's office give her name and date of birth and your observations regarding potential side effects.

    "Families and caregivers of patients being treated with antidepressants for major depressive disorder or other indications, both psychiatric and nonpsychiatric, should be alerted about the need to monitor patients for the emergence of agitation, irritability, unusual changes in behavior, and the other symptoms described above, as well as the emergence of suicidality, and to report such symptoms immediately to health care providers. Such monitoring should include daily observation by families and caregivers. Prescriptions for Cymbalta should be written for the smallest quantity of capsules consistent with good patient management, in order to reduce the risk of overdose."

    Originally I was going to say a lot of important information is crammed into the few minutes of pt/dr contact, and it's easy to miss or misunderstand important information. It's possible the dr might have picked up a "depression vibe" and decided to tackle two birds with one stone. It could have been prescribed for the fibro alone. Your daughter's appearance of increased depression is significant and needs to be brought to the doctor's attention asap.

    Now regarding the whole "easy child" thing... I don't hesitate to call all my kids "Gifts from God" because they ALL are genuine blessings. I think it is a brilliant label for the kids we love who have "issues."

    Even though our adopteds have been causing tremendous heartache lately, I'm still holding out momma's hope they'll be restored to healthy thinking and healthy choices and a healthy relationship with us.

    I have always been hesitant to label my bio-kid "perfect child" because I know NONE of us are perfect... least of all ME!

    I'll wait until this posts to see if I actually gave our oldest the "easy child" title in my signature, because I remember struggling with the concept. I don't remember what I chose to do about that. I know I didn't want to set her on an impossible pedestal to live up to in my eyes.

    She is truly a joy, she's been nominated valedictorian at her college, has a tremendously bright future, and keeps reaching out in love to her currently unloving siblings. She's more than book smart, she's people smart and empathetic!

    I recognize that ANYONE can make poor choices. I don't want the consequences of poor choices for ANY of my kids. I know I won't protect them from experiencing the natural consequences of their poor choices. I recognize that natural consequences are wonderful teachers for those too stubborn to listen to good advice.

  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I've met docs who, if they suspect the patient won't take the medications for the true reason, will make up something else they are supposedly giving them for. Or it could be a case of easy child hearing what she wanted to hear, too. I'd call the doctor if you think it's not working or making it worse.

    I'm so glad your difficult child is doing so well and has found happiness. :)
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Things with easy child have gone from bad to worse. They sent her for a chest ctscan to check for a blood clot in her lung. Thankfully, it was negative, but apparently, the pneumonia is still raging. She is still living at Casper's parent's house and still being difficult, yet when she speaks with me, she expects everything to be as cheerful and pleasant as before she made her monumental move.

    I fear the serenity prayer is not enough today, as I am completely heartbroken and worried sick about her.

    Theyarelegaladults, I never take labels seriously...they are just for the purpose of this board. Both my daughters are gifts from god as well and I would never treat either one differently in matters of the heart between a mom and her child. However, for the purpose of defining 'difficult child-like' behavior, the labels do help me out a bit. lol. I've also come around to believing that we ARE all our own way and in the eyes of a greater being. Who am I to say that someone is no less than perfect, Know what I mean?? Again, labels work for the purpose of this board.
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Jo, I think you can take a vacation from the Serenity Prayer's expectations when it comes to matters of physical health. Hopefully it's her illness that is prompting her to be difficult and she will come around when she feels better. It's completely understandable that you'd be worried sick.

  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    She is really having problems kicking the pneumonia isn't she? Poor kid. You've every right to be worried about her. I'm with Suz, chuck the serenity prayer as far as physical illness. We Mom's are just plain gonna worry when our kids are sick. It's part of our job.

    Hope she starts feeling better soon.

  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks Suz/Hounddog. They had her discontinue taking the antibiotic because it was causing the adverse reactions. She's going today and I'm hoping they review ALL of her medications. She's also on the NuvoRing, which I know can cause a risk of blood clots and those are the blood cells or something or other that were elevated in easy child's blood that made them send her for the ctscan to begin with. With the pneumonia raging, she apparently will need an antibiotic, but for now her Dr has her on prednisone just so she can breathe. But taking prednisone is going to inhibit the healing of the pneumonia...ugh. So I am just hoping her Dr is not rushed, takes her time and goes over everything.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Her platelets were elevated? I hope dr keeps a close eye on that. Here's a silly thought.......why don't they just admit her to the hospital and give her some IV antibiotics to battle this darn bug? Have they even done a sputum culture to see if it's bacteria or viral? Because if it's viral, they can drown her in antibiotics and it's not going to do her a bit of good. Plus in hospital she can have breathing treatments throughout the day to help her cough that stuff up.

    Don't blame a bit for worrying.