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Parent Emeritus
Self blame is self pity?
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 719013" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Yes, I'm sure that was part of it. When I went to court with my son on a shoplifting charge, I was beyond mortified as the judge was someone I knew professionally before - and since - going to state work. With the same last name, not anything I could do to keep him from knowing we were related...but I made sure <em>never</em> to mention what our relationship was. Pretty sure he figured it out though. That was likely the most like a failure as a parent as I've ever felt. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think my son has made me better at that part of my job, more empathetic. I had a woman in a hearing the other day who was being asked to pay support to the state for her adopted child she had relinquished back to children's division. He had multiple diagnosis, including Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and was a danger to the family. She stated she'd tried to undo the adoption and been denied, stopped, and said, sadly, "I can't imagine what you must think of me..." I could, honestly, tell her I didn't judge her one bit for the circumstances that brought her before me. It didn't change the outcome of the case, because that's simply dollars and cents, but I certainly didn't look at her more harshly. I see a lot of that sort of things in state cases. Instead of wondering how the parents could let things get that far...now I think, "There but for the grace of God...."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 719013, member: 17309"] Yes, I'm sure that was part of it. When I went to court with my son on a shoplifting charge, I was beyond mortified as the judge was someone I knew professionally before - and since - going to state work. With the same last name, not anything I could do to keep him from knowing we were related...but I made sure [I]never[/I] to mention what our relationship was. Pretty sure he figured it out though. That was likely the most like a failure as a parent as I've ever felt. I think my son has made me better at that part of my job, more empathetic. I had a woman in a hearing the other day who was being asked to pay support to the state for her adopted child she had relinquished back to children's division. He had multiple diagnosis, including Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and was a danger to the family. She stated she'd tried to undo the adoption and been denied, stopped, and said, sadly, "I can't imagine what you must think of me..." I could, honestly, tell her I didn't judge her one bit for the circumstances that brought her before me. It didn't change the outcome of the case, because that's simply dollars and cents, but I certainly didn't look at her more harshly. I see a lot of that sort of things in state cases. Instead of wondering how the parents could let things get that far...now I think, "There but for the grace of God...." [/QUOTE]
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Self blame is self pity?
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