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Family of Origin
Self-Forgiveness
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 667467" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I hope you both found comfort with forgiveness.</p><p></p><p>I am not a Christian or a Jew, although I believe in a higher power that binds us all together and is in all of us, and I believe that we live elsewhere after death. So my way of handling these difficult issues is different. I will share, although I'm sure I have before.</p><p></p><p>I do not believe in forgiving people who do not ask for redemption and are not sorry. It's not a part of my beliefs and I don't believe it is the way to let go and move on for myself. I had to let go without forgiveness. I did not let go with hate in my heart. I let go with wisdom, knowing the relationship was dead and that it does no good to stay invested.</p><p></p><p>However, I do forgive myself for all the silly mistakes I have made with FOO...and for the times I was not at my best too. I do not blame anybody for my own bad behavior except me, but I forgive me. All of us were provoked and treated badly. I forgive myself for reacting to that and anything I ever did to hurt anybody is on my shoulders. But I won't dwell on that either anymore. I am not "baaaaaaaaaaaad." I am good. All three of us are good. It does not depend upon what a dysfunctional family member thinks of us. It depends on the clarity we have come to see and how our loved ones view us. There are people who want us to feel like we are "baaaaaaaaaad." I invalidate them as insignificant a of today. They do not matter in my life. Those who feel ill of you for family fights and competition and role issues should not matter to any of us. This is the core of where I think all of our problems with some members of our FOO are rooted. Childhood.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for some excellent, thought-provoking articles.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 667467, member: 1550"] I hope you both found comfort with forgiveness. I am not a Christian or a Jew, although I believe in a higher power that binds us all together and is in all of us, and I believe that we live elsewhere after death. So my way of handling these difficult issues is different. I will share, although I'm sure I have before. I do not believe in forgiving people who do not ask for redemption and are not sorry. It's not a part of my beliefs and I don't believe it is the way to let go and move on for myself. I had to let go without forgiveness. I did not let go with hate in my heart. I let go with wisdom, knowing the relationship was dead and that it does no good to stay invested. However, I do forgive myself for all the silly mistakes I have made with FOO...and for the times I was not at my best too. I do not blame anybody for my own bad behavior except me, but I forgive me. All of us were provoked and treated badly. I forgive myself for reacting to that and anything I ever did to hurt anybody is on my shoulders. But I won't dwell on that either anymore. I am not "baaaaaaaaaaaad." I am good. All three of us are good. It does not depend upon what a dysfunctional family member thinks of us. It depends on the clarity we have come to see and how our loved ones view us. There are people who want us to feel like we are "baaaaaaaaaad." I invalidate them as insignificant a of today. They do not matter in my life. Those who feel ill of you for family fights and competition and role issues should not matter to any of us. This is the core of where I think all of our problems with some members of our FOO are rooted. Childhood. Thank you for some excellent, thought-provoking articles. [/QUOTE]
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