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Self-Forgiveness
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 667480" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>To me, this means that the course of events in our lives have been laid out. They were meant to have happened or were foretold. Free choice exists in how we respond to the events with which we are confronted.</p><p>This is the part of Genesis where the brothers have not understood that Joseph had forgiven him years before. When their and Joseph's father dies, they believe that Joseph will exact vengeance upon them. They have invented the lie that Jacob has ordered Joseph to show mercy to his brothers, upon his father's death.</p><p></p><p>What is implied here is the understanding that the brothers are not entirely responsible for their bad acts. Because they had been put in the situation having sold their brother into slavery, before even the concept of forgiveness and repentance had been codified. And thus were ignorant. Also implied is the fact that while they had free choice, they had been in fact agents of G-d, in that they had been enacting G-d's will by their acting in circumstances that he had in fact created and willed.</p><p>To me this means, that Joseph had no will for vengeance. In fact, he suffered as his brothers suffered. He was not served by continued and unnecessary suffering, nor is G-d or life itself, served.</p><p>I find this fascinating. The author cites higher mammals as demonstrating this behavior, but dogs and cats do too. Subordinate themselves to restore hierarchy and diffuse conflict.</p><p></p><p>Actually, I do this too. A lot. I call it giving up my power. In my life I have shown my jugular all of the time, in order to make myself safer to others.</p><p>Well, now we are getting to my situation. I think I have been trapped in abasement, for much of these past couple of years.</p><p>Yes. How painful to understand, finally. But of course, a sweet pain.</p><p>So we are back to FOO here. The answer is in FOO. I have put myself to bed, in an abasement ritual. To show the powerful one who I have wronged that they do not need to punish me:</p><p></p><p>The rest of the article goes on to explain why Joseph forgives, in this first recorded instance in human history. And why specifically a new morality was born specifically within Judaism.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I believe my bad act with my mother is that I put myself first. I left her. I felt that at her side I would never become a full person or adult. I felt that I would always subordinate myself, and my own needs to serve her and her interests. I felt that I could never go beyond hiding in her skirts, which did not protect me. Rather, they were a prison. I wanted a life...even if it was a crippled and difficult one. I left that was my offense. And I would never go back to change the balance of power. I would never submit again.</p><p></p><p>The thing is that in my family, in me, family responsibility is everything. I put personal expression, my own personal development...ahead of my family responsibilities.</p><p></p><p>In the course of this post I have seen that I changed. That when I went back for my mother, and the months while she was dying, I changed. While there were missteps I changed. I did put my mother first. My family first.</p><p></p><p>While I know why I left my mother and stayed far from her for most of my life, inside of me, this was wrong. I know I would have been consumed by her. I know that she did wrong things to me. But inside of me, I did a wrong thing. Even if I did the right thing, inside of me it was wrong. I admit that. I did wrong.</p><p></p><p></p><p>And I see that I repented. Because when faced with the opportunity to commit the same offense again, I did not. Over and over again as my mother died, I chose to stay by her and with her. I had changed. I have earned forgiveness. I deserve to forgive myself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 667480, member: 18958"] To me, this means that the course of events in our lives have been laid out. They were meant to have happened or were foretold. Free choice exists in how we respond to the events with which we are confronted. This is the part of Genesis where the brothers have not understood that Joseph had forgiven him years before. When their and Joseph's father dies, they believe that Joseph will exact vengeance upon them. They have invented the lie that Jacob has ordered Joseph to show mercy to his brothers, upon his father's death. What is implied here is the understanding that the brothers are not entirely responsible for their bad acts. Because they had been put in the situation having sold their brother into slavery, before even the concept of forgiveness and repentance had been codified. And thus were ignorant. Also implied is the fact that while they had free choice, they had been in fact agents of G-d, in that they had been enacting G-d's will by their acting in circumstances that he had in fact created and willed. To me this means, that Joseph had no will for vengeance. In fact, he suffered as his brothers suffered. He was not served by continued and unnecessary suffering, nor is G-d or life itself, served. I find this fascinating. The author cites higher mammals as demonstrating this behavior, but dogs and cats do too. Subordinate themselves to restore hierarchy and diffuse conflict. Actually, I do this too. A lot. I call it giving up my power. In my life I have shown my jugular all of the time, in order to make myself safer to others. Well, now we are getting to my situation. I think I have been trapped in abasement, for much of these past couple of years. Yes. How painful to understand, finally. But of course, a sweet pain. So we are back to FOO here. The answer is in FOO. I have put myself to bed, in an abasement ritual. To show the powerful one who I have wronged that they do not need to punish me: The rest of the article goes on to explain why Joseph forgives, in this first recorded instance in human history. And why specifically a new morality was born specifically within Judaism. I believe my bad act with my mother is that I put myself first. I left her. I felt that at her side I would never become a full person or adult. I felt that I would always subordinate myself, and my own needs to serve her and her interests. I felt that I could never go beyond hiding in her skirts, which did not protect me. Rather, they were a prison. I wanted a life...even if it was a crippled and difficult one. I left that was my offense. And I would never go back to change the balance of power. I would never submit again. The thing is that in my family, in me, family responsibility is everything. I put personal expression, my own personal development...ahead of my family responsibilities. In the course of this post I have seen that I changed. That when I went back for my mother, and the months while she was dying, I changed. While there were missteps I changed. I did put my mother first. My family first. While I know why I left my mother and stayed far from her for most of my life, inside of me, this was wrong. I know I would have been consumed by her. I know that she did wrong things to me. But inside of me, I did a wrong thing. Even if I did the right thing, inside of me it was wrong. I admit that. I did wrong. And I see that I repented. Because when faced with the opportunity to commit the same offense again, I did not. Over and over again as my mother died, I chose to stay by her and with her. I had changed. I have earned forgiveness. I deserve to forgive myself. [/QUOTE]
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