Self sabatoge again

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nancy, Apr 12, 2013.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yep I knew it. Honestly I have a sixth sense about things and time and time again I just know something before I am told about it, usually about someone close to me but sometimes even with distance acquaintances.

    difficult child came over yesterday to sign her city income taxes. When she left I called husband who is out of town and told him to call her and check out whether she still had her job because I bet that she quit. He calls me back and said I was right She lied of course when he asked about her job and then he told her he was going to send me to her restaurant for dinner tonight. She called him back 5 minutes later and told him not to do that and confessed that she quit.

    Quit or got fired I don't know which really. She claims she hated it more than any other job she's had. She didn't even give notice, just called in and said she wouldn't be there that night and was quitting. I told her she has said that about every job she's every had. Mind you two years ago she had 6 W2's and last year she had 5. This is only the fourth month of the year and she has 2 already. Claims she is starting a new job on sunday working for a direct sales company that sells knives as a receptionist. What she doesn't realize is I'm sure it's for a sales position since they don't have receptionists.

    I just now got a call that she dropped her phone in the toilet and wanted the billing password to give to the cell company to replace the phone. I wouldn't do that and told her she had to figure out how to pay the $200 replacement cost herself because I didn't want it on our bill.

    So no job and no phone and probably very little money left after she replaces phone. I offered one of our old phones as replacement but nope she needs her iphone.

    I'm waiting for the next problem since when things falls apart for her they come in multiples.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Ugh! Sheesh...

    Sorry, Nancy. Hope she figures it out soon!
  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh Nancy, hold on tight and know we're holding your hand.

    I don't want to assume too much, but but I've been posting here & "know" you for 20 months...and I sense a bit of resignation in your post. I may be wrong, but I feel like at one time, your post would have been panicked. And I could be reading too much into it, but I don't sense that your are panicking and I am glad for that - glad for YOU.

    Of course, I hate that we've all gotten a little jaded by our kids; gotten used to them self sabotaging. And for that I am sorry and I hurt along with you.

    (I'm holding on tight too, seems to me that our board kids tend to blow it at the same time. Eep. Must be a full moon)
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Oh Nancy hugs to you.... yes hold on tight you are on the downward part of that roller coaster, hopefully it will go up soon. If she really wants a phone she will take one of your old phones... we have been through that many times and we have given my difficult child many old phones so he will have a phone. The last time was when my easy child bought herself an iphone with her own money that she earned at a job... and yes we did let my difficult child know that too.

    She really does need to save herself.... all you can do is continue to love her and not enable her... Such a hard line to take.

    And Sig... I hope my gig is not next. He had a big blowing it a couple of weeks ago but seems to have gotten back on track with some help from the sober house...... I think it is huge if they can connect with others who help them rather than us. I know in our case we just have too much baggage between us.

  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You're right Sig I am not panicked and am resigned. It's her life and she will have to figure it out. At least she isn't drugging, at least that I know of but who knows she could have dropped it beause she was high or drunk.

    I went to the Y to work off my frustrations and stopped at the grocery store for a Smart Ones dinner and I'm not going to worry abut it. My husband called me and told me while I was at the Y she tried calling me and when I didn't answer she called him and he told her he was out of town on busiess and couldn't help her.

    TL I hope you aren't next either, I think you were first and now it's our turn. It does seem as though many of our difficult children here are in that downward turn.
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh, hon. *hugs*
  7. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    I agree with Sig. You are handling this well. I'm so sorry it happened but you go on...and leave her with consequences. There is no other sane choice.

    i swear the govt oughta recruit here for people to dismantle bombs. We could handle that without breaking a sweat.

    nancy, I hope you can rest tonight.
  8. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Oh, Nancy, I cannot believe she would do this. Even if she hated it, the job sounded like a good deal. What is it about the word "work" that they don't understand? It is called "work" becasue that's what it is! You are right that she will have to figure it out on her own. It is very hard to face the fact that we cannot help them when they are in the self-destructive mode.
  9. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Nancy, that stinks, it really does.

    difficult child's are relentlessly immature and long term commitments, goals, etc. like jobs and careers just don't have the same meaning to them as it may have to non-difficult child's. I think they get overly involved in "personality" disputes, almost like children, and then they just can't abide working through it. Perceived unpleasantness causes them to quit a lot of things.
    You did the right thing with the phone by offering a replacement that you had on hand. If she insists on the iphone, she will figure it out. I'm glad that coincidentally you were at the Y when she tried to reach you again, so you wouldn't have to listen to the bs. On the positive side, as long as she isn't drinking or drugging, that's always a huge accomplishment.
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nancy, is she self aware to see this pattern? Have you specifically pointed it out to her? Or helped her to see the path she has followed over and over...and where it leads?

    Sigh.....sorry she is making bad decisions...
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Both husband and I have had long discussions with her about her employment history and what in particular her problem with keeping jobs. Each time she starts out in a job she "LOVES" it. We get hopeful beause she seems to be doing well. Geez I even took easy child last Friday and we ate at her restaurant and watched her do a great job. We have supported every job she's had. She either stops loving the job because she isn't following the rules and is getting in trouble or it's too much work. I don't know where else she could go and make the kind of money she was making and have the flexible, short hours that she was getting. She never worked more than six hours a day.

    If you ask me the whole problem was that she had to work all weekend and had no time for her boyfriend.

    She is coming over today to give me the cash so I can order her phone replacement and in the meantime she agreed to use one of our old phones. She is suppose to start training for her new job tomorrow and she lost all the data on when and where and of course they are unreachable, no phone number. Sound like a credible job???? So she may be out of a job before she starts.
  12. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member


    *mine has the same job issues. I know you set a good example and said the right things. We cannot control how they receive it nor whether they utilize it.
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Is the boyfriend an "old" boyfriend, the one you hooked her up with? or a new boyfriend.? Just curious. Meanwhile crossing fingers that she finds another "great" opportunity. It's just downright sad that so many of our difficult children just can't get and maintain a focus. Hugs DDD
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's the boyfriend I fixed her up with DDD. He has had some issues in the past and currently does not have his drivers license because of unpaid fines but seems like he is straightened out now and honestly he's a cut far above who she's dated in the past. The bar has been lowered quite a bit over the years my friend.
  15. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh, dear. I have been on spring break and not checking the board regularly and then I see this. Nancy, she was doing so well. I just don't get it. I will never understand these girls of ours. I can't tell you the number of phones my difficult child has dropped in the toilet.

    So my question is where is the $200 coming from to pay for the new phone?

  16. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's $160 and she took it out of the bank, probably her rent money. I didn't ask, just knew I wasn't paying it. She's lucky I keep her on our family plan and pay the monthly charge for her. I just can't leave her without a phone, but if she's irresponsible enough to drop it in the toilet she can pay for it herself or use the old standby.
  17. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Man alive. I check out the board and it is like a domino effect with our kids!!? Do you notice that it seems to come in these waves
    But, I read the detachment on here and am amazed. We all really have come so far....hugs to all as we ride out another storm...
  18. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My difficult child is not very self aware either. It is hard to watch. Hope she lands on the good side of the pond! Fingers crossed in a few days you are here saying, "this kid is so lucky....."
  19. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    "The bar has been lowered"...........what a perfect phrase to describe our situations. I'm still "trying" to adjust to the "adjustment". Sigh. Hang in there. DDD
  20. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    Geez how far does that stupid bar go anyway?!?!