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Sense of Entitlement
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 631413" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Actually, the entitlement ends when the money is no longer given to the kid...along with the car, the internet, the other toys. It makes them LIVID, but they eventually stop expecting you to hand them these perks that they didn't work for and have no intention of working for and expect you to hand out to them just because they don't want to work but, like a little kid, still want to have "toys." The longer any parent keeps handing out free money, for any reason, to an adult difficult child, the more they continue the entitlement. Many parents do it because their adult kid threatens to leave them forever or to hurt them or cause damage to the house or (fill in the blanks) if it isn't handed out. The hard part is right after the commitment to make the adult woman or man make his own money without the endless excuses about not being able to find a job, not making enough money, etc. etc. etc.</p><p></p><p>Alb, I have to wonder why you'd give your son any money for school right now. He isn't going to buckle down and get a career. He isn't on that path. I wouldn't even bring it up, if it were me. It may give him ideas about telling you he's going to school just to get money, then blow it on drugs or other things you didn't give it for. You can't know if he is really going to classes because of his age. He is not going to be serious in college now.</p><p></p><p>Our 18-21 year old kids are sadly against the odds. Most adult children that age are in college seriously, or they work full time and often help out at home if they still live there or pay rent or get their own apartments, or many join the services and fight for our country. They don't have time to stamp a foot and ask for gas money to "have fun." If we want our entitled 18-21 year olds to ever grow up we have to cut off the money train. I'm convinced that is the most important step and the only reason why 36 actually has a nice house of his own, a good job, and pays his own bills because he'd gladly let us do it. But we refused very early on. And my daughter? She may have kept using drugs if we handed her money rather than making her life very hard and boring. 36, in particular, is a taker. But you can't take what somebody won't give.</p><p></p><p>Good luck getting the strength to cut off the money supply. And don't believe there are no jobs. In our little bitty town which is basically depressed still, almost all of my daughter's high school friends are working this summer, many full time, to help pay for college, useage of the car, and other bills. They do not have fancy jobs, most are fast food, but they are working their tails off. I see them all over since it is a small area. The job market is better. It is our adult kids who don't want to work who whine that they can't get jobs. If you really want one, you will get one. At the very least, you can babysit for neighbors or mow lawns for older people.</p><p></p><p>Stopping the endless party and the money may not make our lazier adults get jobs, but they sure won't be entitled and eventually, they stop asking for money because they know the answer.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 631413, member: 1550"] Actually, the entitlement ends when the money is no longer given to the kid...along with the car, the internet, the other toys. It makes them LIVID, but they eventually stop expecting you to hand them these perks that they didn't work for and have no intention of working for and expect you to hand out to them just because they don't want to work but, like a little kid, still want to have "toys." The longer any parent keeps handing out free money, for any reason, to an adult difficult child, the more they continue the entitlement. Many parents do it because their adult kid threatens to leave them forever or to hurt them or cause damage to the house or (fill in the blanks) if it isn't handed out. The hard part is right after the commitment to make the adult woman or man make his own money without the endless excuses about not being able to find a job, not making enough money, etc. etc. etc. Alb, I have to wonder why you'd give your son any money for school right now. He isn't going to buckle down and get a career. He isn't on that path. I wouldn't even bring it up, if it were me. It may give him ideas about telling you he's going to school just to get money, then blow it on drugs or other things you didn't give it for. You can't know if he is really going to classes because of his age. He is not going to be serious in college now. Our 18-21 year old kids are sadly against the odds. Most adult children that age are in college seriously, or they work full time and often help out at home if they still live there or pay rent or get their own apartments, or many join the services and fight for our country. They don't have time to stamp a foot and ask for gas money to "have fun." If we want our entitled 18-21 year olds to ever grow up we have to cut off the money train. I'm convinced that is the most important step and the only reason why 36 actually has a nice house of his own, a good job, and pays his own bills because he'd gladly let us do it. But we refused very early on. And my daughter? She may have kept using drugs if we handed her money rather than making her life very hard and boring. 36, in particular, is a taker. But you can't take what somebody won't give. Good luck getting the strength to cut off the money supply. And don't believe there are no jobs. In our little bitty town which is basically depressed still, almost all of my daughter's high school friends are working this summer, many full time, to help pay for college, useage of the car, and other bills. They do not have fancy jobs, most are fast food, but they are working their tails off. I see them all over since it is a small area. The job market is better. It is our adult kids who don't want to work who whine that they can't get jobs. If you really want one, you will get one. At the very least, you can babysit for neighbors or mow lawns for older people. Stopping the endless party and the money may not make our lazier adults get jobs, but they sure won't be entitled and eventually, they stop asking for money because they know the answer. [/QUOTE]
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