Sent this way..difficult child has moved back in..

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by aWillowBreeze, Sep 12, 2010.

  1. I posted an intro on the general section and was directed this way for parents with 18+ difficult child's..(he just turned 18 in late June) I'm copy/pasting the a paragraph here followed by a short update for those who may not have seen my intro..and then i'll be hopping on board learning about others situations so i can properly participate in other threads..

    Most recent situation.. My son has no diploma, no job, no car, lost his license. I've worked hard with the school & my schedule to arrange for my son to attend night "rescue classes". I offered all transportation from his bio-dads home to school and back,even clothing, food..etc It would only be 4 hrs,3 nights a week and he could have a diploma by the holidays. He has faked sick and refused to go to the 1st 3 classes. He asked for $15 to go to the Dr. yesterday (he needs the excuse if he wants to be allowed to continue the program). I offered him a check made out to the Dr. and he essentially refused it by trying to claim the Dr. would not take a check and why was i "being like that" . Our son has only been in the Ex's current home for 3 wks and he's already recieved 3 calls from the landlord with complaints. I was informed last night he would be kicking him out this weekend. My ex was evicted from his last apt. due to our son's behavior just a couple months i admit i understand his position on this particular subject. I have been in tears this morning with this knowledge and the all too common sinking feeling that you just don't know where or what my son will do next..

    Update..difficult child's bio-father wasted no time. Got a call Friday. at 11am

    Me: Hello
    difficult child: Hey,I'm moving back in with you..I'm getting kicked out. (followed by his version of explanations)
    Me: well you know we have stricter rules here than there and they will be enforced if you come home..
    difficult child: yea I know..i can't talk about that right now..I'll be there by midnight or text you if i stay with my friend..we can talk about the rules and all tomorrow.

    bio-dad apparently did not realize there were extra keys so telling difficult child not to come back to the home unless he was there or I was with him to get his things really didn't matter.. difficult child seemingly decided to have a last hurrah with buddies that evening causing another call to the landlord.. Bio-dad called me Saturday and was furious..luckily for him the landlord is giving him a chance,having the locks replaced at bio-dads expense and with the understanding difficult child will no longer be there...

    difficult child is here now..but i dont expect peace for long as i doubt he will want to follow our rules such as : he MUST attend rescue classes for diploma, GED classes or have a job..18 or not..while here he will have a curfew. No license = no driving our vehicles..period! we shouldn't have to hide keys so if he's caught driving one of our vehicles he WILL be charged. If he's caught lying about his whereabouts, stealing $ or etc's..he's out. We had provided him a cell phone for months to assist us in making schedule arrangements to help get him to previous court dates/school etc..but we're at the end of our "helping rope" If he's kicked out this time the phone will be cut off , transportation or any other help we've offered in the past will no longer be available.

    Today has been quite nice..but tomorrow once my girls are in school ( just in case there is drama ) he will be sat down and get the full understanding of whats expected and over the course of the next week we will see quickly how willing he is or isn't to comply.

    Looking forward to exchanging support ,questions and advice with everyone here.. ((hugs to all))
  2. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Just wanted to say hi and welcome ... and sorry you're in such a tough situation. My brain isn't firing on all cylinders after a week of no sleep, so will leave coherent suggestions
    and thoughts to others - you will get lots of great advice from great people here.
  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to PE.. there are many of us here that have "been there done that" with having to evict our adult "children." It's really painful, but necessary sometimes.

    It sounds like you've got your ducks in a row here, I'm sorry it's come to this though. The only other thing I can suggest is to be sure you have a specific plan in place for *when* you have to kick him out, i.e., giving him a list of resources, driving him to a shelter, changing locks etc.
  4. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Welcome! Sorry you have to be here. This is a great place to be because everyone here understands what you are going through. It's not easy. My son is couch surfing with different friends. He refuses to get an education, even when we offered to pay for his GED. In his words "I'm going to do my own thing for a while". And so we let him. We do provide him with a cell phone. It has unlimited text messages (a good thing since he averages over 3,000 a month) plus a data package that he doesn't know about. He understands that if he causes extra charges that it will be turned off until he pays for the overages. It only took turning it off once for him to get that we are serious. The only reason we keep him in a cell-phone is because husband needs to know that there is a way to touch base.

    Good luck and we will always be here for support.