sentenced to one year.......

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by standswithcourage, Jul 8, 2008.

  1. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Well I was just looking at my sons info on the detention center site and it said he was sentenced to one year - I dont even know what that means - one year what - probation - prison - jail - what? How do I find out? thanks
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Well, as tough as it is, you don't have to worry about whether or not you will be strong enough to not let him come home for a while. I don't know how to tell where his sentence will be served without seeing it. Can you cut and paste just the sentence part - not his name or anything that would identify him? It must say something other than just "one year". If there are initials before or after, that will probably identify where he will be.

    Sorry for your pain, and keep your chin up.
  3. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    It doesnt have any initials or anything - it just says the date - today- and sentenced to oneyear - I wonder if the jail time he has served will count or not or if the sentence just starts now - who knows - I will PM you the site if you want - thanks
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    No, that's ok, Susan. I think you will have to just wait to talk to his PO. It seems like if there was a "time served" or something they would have said so. But then again, it seems like if they were saying "ABC Prison", they'd say "ABC" or something, too.

    Get some rest, and take care. It's really late there! Maybe a nice warm bath and a glass of wine to settle you in for the evening? Or a cool bath if it's sweltering there.
  5. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Thanks - thanks for staying up with me!
  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Sending calming and peaceful vibes....
  7. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    thanks so much! Everyone is up late tonight!
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Now I'm up late! ;) I'm on the West Coast, so it's only (only 11:30. We've been painting the kitchen and family room ceiling. Here's a helpful hint - all cans of ceiling paint from the same brand and style do not match, so if you need more than one can, you need to mix them together first, then paint with the mixture or your ceiling will be stripy... UGH! So, teeth, face, bed, Leno for me.
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Susan}}} More calming vibes being sent your way.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    From my experience sitting in courtrooms and listening to verdicts handed down...not to mention reading paperwork...when they give a sentence it will read something like this:

    John Doe, you are convicted of XYZ, an H felony with a maximum sentence of X and a minimum sentence of Y. You are being sentenced to 1 year in the Department of Corrections.

    At that point the clerk of the court looks at the paperwork from the jail and figures up how much time served the inmate has and that leaves the actual time he has to serve.

    Like in Cory's case he was convicted on two separate counts but they combined charges on those counts. So he actually was sentenced to two H felonies and two I felonies and the two H felonies got him 8 to 10 months, and the two I's got him 6 to 8 which would be served concurrently. However those sentences were set aside in favor of 30 days active...with 1 day time served, house arrest, 6 months of intensive probation, and 36 months of supervised probation. All this was read in court and listed on his probation papers along with his restitution and court costs.

    I never checked the website to see if it listed his sentence...I dont think they do that here but they may.
  11. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Well I called the PO and he said call the PD! So Ic alled them and they said he was sentenced to one year but they gave him the time he had already served so he wont really sserve one year - however, now I feel guilty because I havent run down there to see him off! I just dont think I can go - I have tried so hard to keep my emotions in check and back off - not from telling him how much I love him but from the craziness of it all - I have done it too many times - I will write him and ask him if he needs anything or whatever but Id ont think I can go face to face right now - I am afraid he will cry and I will too - what do you think?
  12. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    Susan, Hugs to you. You've really had a hard time with this. My best advice is NOT to even contact your son. You don't have to run to him every second of every day of his life. Your son knows where you are and how to contact you. HE IS 24 YEARS OLD! A grown man!

    In your heart of hearts can you honestly answer the question........... Do I really want my son to grown up and to be morally and mentally sound? If you answer yes, to this question, you'll know that you have to let HIM do that on his own without you interfering in his life and enabling his bad choices.

    If you answer no, you'll continue to do what you have always done, cry, fret, rescue, take care of mama's little 24 YEAR OLD BOY!!!)

    I wonder why it is that your WHOLE sense of self is wrapped up in mothering/babying a 24 year old grown man?????????? That is a huge problem! This is your problem Susan and one you need to look very closely at more than likely with a skilled therapist.

    You are so much more than a 24 yr. old man's mama! Aren't you a mother to other children too? Don't they matter as much? Aren't you also a teacher? Aren't you also a WIFE? I'm pretty sure I've read that you have a counselor.

    I feel pretty certain that you need to change and find someone else and you need to see them often. I really feel that you are in crisis mode and have been for some time. Susan, you need to do this for YOU! Please let us know that you have sought out help for yourself. {{{hugs!}}}
  13. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Thanks! I appreciate the support.
  14. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    If he was going off to summer camp I would see him off.

    If he was going off to college I would see him off.

    If he joined the military and was going off to boot camp I would see him off....or was getting shipped out to a military assignment, I would see him off.

    I'm sure you see where I'm going with this...

    I would see him off on any and all positive moves.

    Reward the good behavior, let him experience the consequences of negative actions on his own.

  15. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I agree 10000 percent with the advice you got from Suz.

    I dont' think you have to go find him - I think eventually when he runs out of options - he'll contact you wanting something.

    If he doesn't? Then that's a bonus - and maybe he's growing up and trying to take care of himself. That would be answer to prayer.

    No son does not know that his mother doesn't love him like you do Sue. Let him go. Take care of you!

  16. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I dont really have any advise, just wanted to send some cyber support your way and let you know that you are in my prayers. Hang in there and God bless. :)
  17. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Susan - I am sending you support and hugs as I can "hear" in your typing that your mommy heart is hurting. I really wish I had some words that would help you through this.

    You need to see your therapist and try and work through all of your worries.

    I had almost 1 1/2 years after my difficult child was out of my house of constant guilt feelings. But, I decided during that time, she had to start taking responsibility for her actions. It wasn't my fault that she chose to steal, lie, do drugs, etc. She decided at that point in her life that those things and the people associated with them were more important to her than her family or her self-esteem.

    She has made tremendous improvements during the past year. Not always making the choices I would, but is trying. I give her alot of credit for that.

    I know I am rambling so I hope you can make sense of it all. I just want to say, at some point, you have to pull back and let things happen to your difficult child.
  18. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Yes you are right. I just wish I had all the answers sometimes!!!! Like Ihope he tries to figure out where he will live when he gets out.
  19. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Put together a list of homeless shelters in your community. Check out the YMCA to see if they have rooms to rent. If he can't find some place else to live, you can hand him the list and you can take comfort that you helped him help himself.

  20. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sending warm (((hugs)))

    I know this is really hard for you. You've gotten some great advice.

    This too shall pass.