Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Seriously anxious...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 59260" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You're doing the right thing, I feel. Not knowing and feeling powerless will only make anxiety worse (Skinner's experiments on stress in rats and electric shocks). With knowledge and understanding, you have more a sense of control. Feeling in control, even if it's an illusion, reduces stress. From your own point of view you probably have felt more positive once you were told your diagnosis and understood what was going to be done, as well as what was likely to happen.</p><p></p><p>I remember going through this with easy child, when I first became ill. She also was convinced I was dying and every reassurance from me only convinced her further, because she thought I was hiding 'the truth' from her. She had nightmares, she became difficult, all of it made worse because she felt she couldn't talk to me about it for fear of upsetting me (which she wouldn't have). She finally told me after she'd been worrying for months. I was also angry (not at her, or showing it to her) when she told me she was angry with God because the Sunday School teacher had promised I would be healed if they prayed together for my healing, but God hadn't healed me. She also felt guilty for 'not praying hard enough' and was at the bargaining stage - "Maybe if I promised God I'd try to be more kind to my little sister..."</p><p></p><p>You don't want it getting to this stage. I remember I told her that while God answers all prayers, sometimes the answer is "No" or "Not yet". God isn't a magic wishing fairy, subject to our wills.</p><p></p><p>Linda, what you've been through is a HUGE scare for a child. (And of course a huge scare for you, too). You are changed - certainly for now. This triggers a grieving process in you - for what you have lost in yourself and your own self-image - as well as in kt's picture of who you are and what you do for her. Suddenly, she is vulnerable again - what will happen to her if you can no longer look after her? She NEEDS you, physically and emotionally.</p><p>But part of her grieving process is going to be guilt, at grieving when you are still here. Then it builds into a whole negative spiral.</p><p>You will recover and as you do, the picture will change again. The uncertainty is going to be an issue for her so as much understanding as possible for her, will help.</p><p></p><p>It's early days and you can short-circuit that negative spiral. Giving her full information is a darn good start. It's what I did with easy child, she was about the same age (maybe a bit younger). She's also the only one of my kids to remember when I was fit and well, so she really felt the anger. I've seen it in other similar situations - when the worst of the crisis is past, THEN the kids get angry at the disruption to their lives and the fear and uncertainty it has brought. It's normal, she needs to know this, but it will upset her for a while. She has a right to be angry at the illness - you all do. But you will need to continue to move past it, when you all can.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 59260, member: 1991"] You're doing the right thing, I feel. Not knowing and feeling powerless will only make anxiety worse (Skinner's experiments on stress in rats and electric shocks). With knowledge and understanding, you have more a sense of control. Feeling in control, even if it's an illusion, reduces stress. From your own point of view you probably have felt more positive once you were told your diagnosis and understood what was going to be done, as well as what was likely to happen. I remember going through this with easy child, when I first became ill. She also was convinced I was dying and every reassurance from me only convinced her further, because she thought I was hiding 'the truth' from her. She had nightmares, she became difficult, all of it made worse because she felt she couldn't talk to me about it for fear of upsetting me (which she wouldn't have). She finally told me after she'd been worrying for months. I was also angry (not at her, or showing it to her) when she told me she was angry with God because the Sunday School teacher had promised I would be healed if they prayed together for my healing, but God hadn't healed me. She also felt guilty for 'not praying hard enough' and was at the bargaining stage - "Maybe if I promised God I'd try to be more kind to my little sister..." You don't want it getting to this stage. I remember I told her that while God answers all prayers, sometimes the answer is "No" or "Not yet". God isn't a magic wishing fairy, subject to our wills. Linda, what you've been through is a HUGE scare for a child. (And of course a huge scare for you, too). You are changed - certainly for now. This triggers a grieving process in you - for what you have lost in yourself and your own self-image - as well as in kt's picture of who you are and what you do for her. Suddenly, she is vulnerable again - what will happen to her if you can no longer look after her? She NEEDS you, physically and emotionally. But part of her grieving process is going to be guilt, at grieving when you are still here. Then it builds into a whole negative spiral. You will recover and as you do, the picture will change again. The uncertainty is going to be an issue for her so as much understanding as possible for her, will help. It's early days and you can short-circuit that negative spiral. Giving her full information is a darn good start. It's what I did with easy child, she was about the same age (maybe a bit younger). She's also the only one of my kids to remember when I was fit and well, so she really felt the anger. I've seen it in other similar situations - when the worst of the crisis is past, THEN the kids get angry at the disruption to their lives and the fear and uncertainty it has brought. It's normal, she needs to know this, but it will upset her for a while. She has a right to be angry at the illness - you all do. But you will need to continue to move past it, when you all can. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Seriously anxious...
Top