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General Parenting
Seriously considering walking away from my son
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 725224" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so very sorry. I truly know how you feel. I had an older son who was much like your younger son. </p><p></p><p>I would tell the courts that you are his grandparents and are not up to the task of raising him. You are fine with his brother, but he is so difficult you just cannot handle him. Get a lawyer involved to help you (a very good one!). Also make sure there is a doctor for your older son who says that having his brother in the house is not good for his health, his mental health, or his safety. </p><p></p><p>You may have to take the younger son home for a few days or a week, but it probably won't take longer than that for him to act out. Call the cops when he gets violent or does something really wrong and insist they take him away. Then get a judge involved and say you just cannot handle the younger son any longer. He is too difficult and he is too dangerous for you and for the older son. Heck, get a lawyer on this before you take him home. You probably have enough evidence already from his visits. </p><p></p><p>I truly mean that I understand. My older son has Aspergers, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), ADHD and severe depression. He was an incredibly violent teen. I could not keep him in the same home with his younger siblings. His little sister was his target from the time she could move on her own. Never his little brother though. At age 14, we had to have the cops remove my son. He was so violent that one of us was going to die and the other was going to prison. Meaning my son and myself, because he had to go through me to get to my daughter. The cops were even telling me that it was NOT going to end well if we didn't do something fast. He spent time in hospitals and the county youth shelter. I finally had to insist that he couldn't live with us because we were terrified of him. I had to choose not to sacrifice my other children on the altar of my oldest child's problems/mental illness. My son is MUCH better today, but not everyone gets that happy ever after. At your son's age, and for years after, I would NEVER have guessed that my son would have a future that included anything but a prison cell or a pine box. I am glad I was wrong, thrilled in fact, but we just barely escaped that. Mostly because some of his peers were too afraid to complain to anyone. </p><p></p><p>I seriously would tell the court that you simply cannot handle the younger son's violence, and that the older son is terrified of him (it sounds like he is). Get the doctors to say that the older son should not be around him, in writing!). This will help get the courts to put him in care of social services. </p><p></p><p>I know that it is hard to give up custody. For the sake of your family, you need to. It simply isn't safe to have him around. He has worked hard to show you who he is, and who he wants to be. Believe him, and don't let him inflict more damage on the rest of the family. Let your younger son live with the consequences of his choices, which do not include life in your home with his brother and lots of very nice privileges and people. This is HIS CHOICE, indicated by his behavior. </p><p></p><p>Many hugs, and please stick around. This board truly is a life saver. We understand and have been there. No one will judge you or get upset with you. We tell you what we think, but we know that you will make the decisions that you need to make for your family at this time, and we won't think the worst of you or get upset with you. Not ever!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 725224, member: 1233"] I am so very sorry. I truly know how you feel. I had an older son who was much like your younger son. I would tell the courts that you are his grandparents and are not up to the task of raising him. You are fine with his brother, but he is so difficult you just cannot handle him. Get a lawyer involved to help you (a very good one!). Also make sure there is a doctor for your older son who says that having his brother in the house is not good for his health, his mental health, or his safety. You may have to take the younger son home for a few days or a week, but it probably won't take longer than that for him to act out. Call the cops when he gets violent or does something really wrong and insist they take him away. Then get a judge involved and say you just cannot handle the younger son any longer. He is too difficult and he is too dangerous for you and for the older son. Heck, get a lawyer on this before you take him home. You probably have enough evidence already from his visits. I truly mean that I understand. My older son has Aspergers, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), ADHD and severe depression. He was an incredibly violent teen. I could not keep him in the same home with his younger siblings. His little sister was his target from the time she could move on her own. Never his little brother though. At age 14, we had to have the cops remove my son. He was so violent that one of us was going to die and the other was going to prison. Meaning my son and myself, because he had to go through me to get to my daughter. The cops were even telling me that it was NOT going to end well if we didn't do something fast. He spent time in hospitals and the county youth shelter. I finally had to insist that he couldn't live with us because we were terrified of him. I had to choose not to sacrifice my other children on the altar of my oldest child's problems/mental illness. My son is MUCH better today, but not everyone gets that happy ever after. At your son's age, and for years after, I would NEVER have guessed that my son would have a future that included anything but a prison cell or a pine box. I am glad I was wrong, thrilled in fact, but we just barely escaped that. Mostly because some of his peers were too afraid to complain to anyone. I seriously would tell the court that you simply cannot handle the younger son's violence, and that the older son is terrified of him (it sounds like he is). Get the doctors to say that the older son should not be around him, in writing!). This will help get the courts to put him in care of social services. I know that it is hard to give up custody. For the sake of your family, you need to. It simply isn't safe to have him around. He has worked hard to show you who he is, and who he wants to be. Believe him, and don't let him inflict more damage on the rest of the family. Let your younger son live with the consequences of his choices, which do not include life in your home with his brother and lots of very nice privileges and people. This is HIS CHOICE, indicated by his behavior. Many hugs, and please stick around. This board truly is a life saver. We understand and have been there. No one will judge you or get upset with you. We tell you what we think, but we know that you will make the decisions that you need to make for your family at this time, and we won't think the worst of you or get upset with you. Not ever! [/QUOTE]
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Seriously considering walking away from my son
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