Seriously, seriously worked up

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Mar 31, 2008.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I came into work today, and my manager, before she took off for 2 weeks to Mexico, told me that the way I handled something made the staff of the store unhappy. She then proceeded to basically give me a 4 month review, (I started in Nov) and give me a laundry list of employee comments that ranged from positive to negative. Most of which, the negative completely contradicted the positive, so that makes the overall global message - what? Nothing? I don't know, I got SO mad. I mean, she was just going on and on about how the staff thought I did not listen to them, and take their ideas into consideration, blah, blah, blah. I started to hyperventilate. Seriously. Then when she could see I was upset, she came around with the patronizing positive.

    I try SO hard, you have no idea. I mean, I have busted my rump for this company since I started. Surely people know that. If someone thought I was not listening, why not just ask me, rather than go to my boss? I thought these comments were so unfounded and made by angry employees, and that my manager did not even consider the fact that these employees had an axe to grind, but rather assumed I was the one to blame. She just wants me to make everyone happy. Seriously, that is what she said. Everyone? All 80 of them?

    Everyone knows about H's death, yet not one person sent me a card, the company did not send flowers, or make a donation. I got 2 emails. That was it. How about making me feel appreciated?

    Retail is my profession, I have managed many, many stores. But perhaps I need to look for another vocation. Or maybe I need my own store, and not to be an asst. mgr. I don't know. All I can say is that I feel so, so mad - and sad. And I want H. I just want her. I want to tell her all about this rhetoric, and how unfair it is. She would agree with me. Support me. Believe in me.

    Tonight I was passing by this row of socks. They had sunflowers on the cuff, and then I remembered how for Cmas I had purchased her socks from my store. And how much she loved them, and she went and bought more. They are really expensive cool socks. She loved socks. And hats. Fluffy, snuggly, hats.

    She so believed in me. More than I believe in myself. She never got to see my last re-vision of my book. Yet she was the one who encouraged me to write.

    I just so want her right now. I could always call her anytime.

    You know what? Life really stinks tonight. I have really, really had it. I cannot look for new job with only 4 months of being at this place. Plus I have a big gap of time out of work while I tended to difficult child. It does not look good.

    I want to act heinously mad right now, and rip things up - destroy them. Good thing I am talking to my counselor tomorrow morning.

    I need a boyfriend. A life. Something.

    Yes, I know. A deep, deep breath. Did I mention I hyperventilated twice today? I am so stressed out it is ridiculous.
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    We all believe in you.

    I am so sorry you're having to go through the work insanity. Work politics can drain all the positive life force out of you if you let it. That job far from defines you! Try to detach. H is still "out there" loving you. I believe that with all my soutl. I am glad that you see the counselor tomorrow. Know that hugs and good thoughts come your way from Co. ML
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Steely, it is a job. Don't let it take over your life- you have too many other things to deal with emotionally right now. Distance yourself from it and don't let it get to you. I know that is hard. Just look at it as a paycheck right now. Even if you end up needing another job, it is not the all in all end of the world. Concentrate on yourself. To **** with those who you have to put up with. The job issue will be there to deal with later, one way or another. It is just not worth doing anything drastic over.
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Yeah, you guys are right.
    That motto is really hard for me, "just a job". But I need to try. There are just too many other variables going on in my life.
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Steely -

    I agree with Klmno.

    I know it's hard right now when you're just struggling to get through each day so anything else thrown your way really knocks the wind out of you. But really, in the grand scheme of things how important is this? It's huge right now, I know. But 6 months or a year or now you'll probably see it in a completely different way.


    My thoughts are always with you.
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    You are most likely the one she can put the blame on while keeping the LARGE group happy... it stinks! I have seen the lame politics like that in action before... it really doesn't matter if you are right, she needs to blame someone and make all the underlings feel like she "Did something"
    A place like where you work, unfortunately can be great, at times... but when it comes down to it, treats you like you are disposable!

    I think the others are right, although you need the work, I hope soon it will be a feeling in the past. Maybe something better will show up? A writing GIG!!!
    Hang in there.
    Are you still considering going to Seattle for the work trip?
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    What a lousy, insensitve bunch of louts you are surround by! Sheesh!

    You've been through SO, SO much I am not surprised at the way you are feeling about all this.

    Perhaps some therapeutic writing is in order? Might help clarify everything you're feeling, maybe even enough to figure out a direction you'd like to take next.

    It's o.k. to be mad about how you've been treated. About losing your sister. About all the other crap in your life. Feel it. Acknowledge it. Then let it go and become a catalyst for positive change, whatever that may be. Some of my best work has come out of blinding rage that was channeled into something constructive.

    Hang in there and hold onto all the hugs from this board to wrap yourself up when morons like your boss start droning on about whatever...
  8. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    The good news is that you still have a job. Don't quit. The fact that you will stay and try to work things out will show your bosses that you have it in you to do the job and be good at it.

    I do think it was a bit insensitive to do what your boss did, at this time, but the good thing is that you are now given the opportunity to correct what they feel you were doing wrong and not go on for several more months, ending in them firing you.

    I was in retail for many, many years. I know the stress involved. You'll get through this. Look at all you've already been through. You can get through an awful lot. Though I hope, for your sake, you won't have to endure anything else.

    Where's Raoul....I think we can send him your way for a little while.
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    You've been there 4 months and what, 2, were spent in limbo? Assuming they know what you've been thru, it woudn't have been out of line for your boss to tell them things are a little rough right now. Sheesh.

    Hang in there. Many hugs.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Steely. Adding my hugs and prayers.
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    My husband had a similar conversation with his office manager recently. She is a tough taskmaster and expects a lot of the office employees. They did not like her got got together and had one of them go to my husband and tell him they were all going to quit if she didn't lighten up. Coincidently the office manager was just planning on having a meeting the next morning to talk to them about their excessive personal calls. husband told her that she was the best office manager he could ever hope to have and is worth all of the other office workers put together so if they all wanted to leave that was fine, he would replace them. But that she might want to lighten up just a little and perhaps just change her approach in hope sthat they could all work together.

    She is a person, like yourself, that gives 120% of herself to her job so being asked to lighten up was tough, but she listened and tried and things have been going better. This is not to say she was wrong, it just meant she had to change the way in which she interacted with people to get their cooperation.

    I always found being a manager over people the most difficult job I ever had. I had to try to work with people who didn't care about their job and just wanted to complain, among other things, and that was difficult for a task oriented person like myself.

    I hope today is better for you.

  12. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen


    One of the best books I have ever read about dealing with the greiving process is here:

    It's called Beyond Death and Dying. She also has a new book, but have yet to read it.

    It really helps you define and accept at what level you are in this grieving process. It's OK to be angry right now. In the end, there is hope that you'll come out of it. Doesn't mean you don't care....just there is light at the end of that very dark tunnel.

    I'm sure every library in the world has this book.

  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Sorry, don't have any words of wisdom. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.
  14. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    ((((((more hugs))))) I hope today was a better day. Your words are so heartfelt about your dear H, I wanted to let you know you touched me, and I took some of your pain away with me. (and that's okay! that's what friends are for!!)

  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adding in more hugs and prayers. Really I wish I had a magic wand and could make everything better.
  16. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I am without pearls of wisdom on this one. I have been out of work so long, I don't think I would know how to behave in the workplace...

    So I hope you will accept some hugs and the knowledge that I believe in you.
  17. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I mean, she was just going on and on about how the staff thought I did not listen to them, and take their ideas into consideration, blah, blah, blah.

    Hey - Steely - did you blah blah take into blah blah consideration their blah blah ideas.

    OMG kid YOU are funny.

    (I get you on all levels) but just had to point that out. Blah Blah Blah.