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Seven years later - daughter on another continent - same issues
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 699676" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I definitely would not send her any money. I agree with RN0441, I would not debate any of the issues she's brought up. She seems to have a very strong urge to be right and unfortunately, when engaged with others, the only position left to take is to be wrong, so she's created a lose/lose for you. She seems very cunning. I might simply respond by saying something like, "We have different perceptions, however, I always love you and want the best for you. I wish you the very best in finding yourself." </p><p></p><p>People with mental illness are very bright and can be very manipulative, having a dialogue with that level of intelligence and manipulation is no match for us, we are trying to be logical, compassionate, have empathy and understanding, kindness, clarity, and practicality.......while they are simply trying to get what they want without struggling with the logic, compassion, understanding, etc., which gives them an advantage over us, an advantage they are fully aware of. I've learned after many years of dealing with mentally ill relatives, NOT TO ENGAGE. I've learned to refrain and to change my response to something very simple and innocuous, but keeping my boundaries very strong. </p><p></p><p>In my opinion, she is trying to engage you into defending yourself, explaining, justifying and feeling guilty......so she can keep the communication open while picking away at your boundaries. Don't engage.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 699676, member: 13542"] I definitely would not send her any money. I agree with RN0441, I would not debate any of the issues she's brought up. She seems to have a very strong urge to be right and unfortunately, when engaged with others, the only position left to take is to be wrong, so she's created a lose/lose for you. She seems very cunning. I might simply respond by saying something like, "We have different perceptions, however, I always love you and want the best for you. I wish you the very best in finding yourself." People with mental illness are very bright and can be very manipulative, having a dialogue with that level of intelligence and manipulation is no match for us, we are trying to be logical, compassionate, have empathy and understanding, kindness, clarity, and practicality.......while they are simply trying to get what they want without struggling with the logic, compassion, understanding, etc., which gives them an advantage over us, an advantage they are fully aware of. I've learned after many years of dealing with mentally ill relatives, NOT TO ENGAGE. I've learned to refrain and to change my response to something very simple and innocuous, but keeping my boundaries very strong. In my opinion, she is trying to engage you into defending yourself, explaining, justifying and feeling guilty......so she can keep the communication open while picking away at your boundaries. Don't engage. [/QUOTE]
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Seven years later - daughter on another continent - same issues
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