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Parent Emeritus
Several questions ~~need input from you all
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<blockquote data-quote="everywoman" data-source="post: 47325" data-attributes="member: 1436"><p>" well meaning people couldn't understand why I wasn't "doing something" about how he is living ---"</p><p></p><p></p><p>They couldn't possibly understand. At one time ant's mom posted a short inspirational essay called "Where were the parents." It really helped me a lot. It talked of all the parents had done and how none of their efforts made any difference. I guess I am also different because I have dealt with addictive behaviors for so long---my gfgmom (gambling), my gfgdad (alcohol), my husband (prescription drugs) and when difficult child started acting out and I realized he was abusing drugs I knew how to detach. I don't let anyone make me feel bad about my parenting skills----I know that something genetic makes my difficult child the way he is. There is nothing I could have or can do to make him better. His choices are his little red wagon to pull---I offer support for making good choices---but I don't let him get away with bad choices. I have pressed charges against him---and he knows I will do it again. I see some changes taking place in him now---he just turned 19---but those changes have come about because he has decided to change. He still has a long way to go. He will never be "normal" in the eyes of the world---he can have, however, depending on the choices he makes a "normal" life. </p><p></p><p>I feel for you. I, too, live in a small town. I also teach at the only high school. I see kids everyday who were friends of my difficult child and grew up with him, hung around my house. They are moving on. They are growing up. He is stuck at 14. I remember when they all looked up to him in middle school. He was the skateboard and hockey star of the town. All the girls wanted him to be their boyfriend and all the guys wanted to be him as a best friend. No, they look at me and smile---but they don't ask about Tripp. No one asks about him---So, I talk. I tell the truth. He started using pot and it ruined his life. They know what he was and what he is now. </p><p></p><p>The last time we kicked difficult child out, he went to stay with a "friend." He and the friend decided to steal the friend's grandfather's checks. difficult child tried to cash one at a store owned by a friend of the family. She refused to cash the check. She called the cops and called husband. husband told her to press charges. difficult child is serving 2 years probabtion and if he violates he will serve 4 years in prison. The friend claimed that difficult child did it all on his own. I think that helped Tripp see that his "friend" wasn't really his friend at all. </p><p></p><p>My prayers are with you. I hope you can find some peace in your heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="everywoman, post: 47325, member: 1436"] " well meaning people couldn't understand why I wasn't "doing something" about how he is living ---" They couldn't possibly understand. At one time ant's mom posted a short inspirational essay called "Where were the parents." It really helped me a lot. It talked of all the parents had done and how none of their efforts made any difference. I guess I am also different because I have dealt with addictive behaviors for so long---my gfgmom (gambling), my gfgdad (alcohol), my husband (prescription drugs) and when difficult child started acting out and I realized he was abusing drugs I knew how to detach. I don't let anyone make me feel bad about my parenting skills----I know that something genetic makes my difficult child the way he is. There is nothing I could have or can do to make him better. His choices are his little red wagon to pull---I offer support for making good choices---but I don't let him get away with bad choices. I have pressed charges against him---and he knows I will do it again. I see some changes taking place in him now---he just turned 19---but those changes have come about because he has decided to change. He still has a long way to go. He will never be "normal" in the eyes of the world---he can have, however, depending on the choices he makes a "normal" life. I feel for you. I, too, live in a small town. I also teach at the only high school. I see kids everyday who were friends of my difficult child and grew up with him, hung around my house. They are moving on. They are growing up. He is stuck at 14. I remember when they all looked up to him in middle school. He was the skateboard and hockey star of the town. All the girls wanted him to be their boyfriend and all the guys wanted to be him as a best friend. No, they look at me and smile---but they don't ask about Tripp. No one asks about him---So, I talk. I tell the truth. He started using pot and it ruined his life. They know what he was and what he is now. The last time we kicked difficult child out, he went to stay with a "friend." He and the friend decided to steal the friend's grandfather's checks. difficult child tried to cash one at a store owned by a friend of the family. She refused to cash the check. She called the cops and called husband. husband told her to press charges. difficult child is serving 2 years probabtion and if he violates he will serve 4 years in prison. The friend claimed that difficult child did it all on his own. I think that helped Tripp see that his "friend" wasn't really his friend at all. My prayers are with you. I hope you can find some peace in your heart. [/QUOTE]
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