Sex, Lies & Kanga

[JJJ]

How is this "Additional Support"? Is there any actual support?
Giving classes in Detachment, seminars, a book or some kind of outlet one day might not be a bad idea! Unless you just want to get it all out of you mind.

You could help a lot parents and many many professionals!

Post-Adoption is woefully underfunded and is more for adoptive parents of PCs or adoptive parents that have difficulty advocating for their children. They can help get a child started in therapy, get them an initial appointment with a psychiatrist, set up a 4hour respite break once a month; the basic stuff that is easy to get.

The clinical division can get Residential Treatment Center (RTC) funding in 30-day chunks for a max of 6 months (or a year at the highest level) but even I (great warrior mom!) needed an advocate to get them off their collective booties to process our request for this service. (It is well hidden and you must threaten to disrupt the adoption to get to this level - I never would have made that threat if the advocate hadn't clued me in to how their game worked.)

I do want to write a book or advocate for parents like us, the biggest problem is, who would believe our lives if they weren't living them?

 

[Shari]

I have no advice, just hugs.

And encouragement to do what you must to protect the others, which, to me would mean it would be a cold day in you know where before anyone forced my hand in bringing the sibs together again.

 

[GoingNorth]

I have no idea how it must feel to be dealing with something like this; it is totally outside my realm of experience.

Only thing I can offer is to keep you and your family in my thoughts, and that seems woefully inadequate somehow.

 

[JJJ]

Just spoke with therapist and she said that she only called CPS last night, so we are still in the 24-hour window for them to open a report. therapist also said that they were considering sending Kanga to the psychiatric hospital before all of this and that they are going to confront her (actually they are confronting her right now) about what she said and that I told them it was investigated, that it didn't happen and that she has brought CPS back into her life.

husband just pointed out that the boyfriend is in the psychiatric hospital and all of this may be a plan to get to the psychiatric hospital to be with him. (Silly girl doesn't understand that she would not be sent to the same hospital.)

 

[JJJ]

therapist just called and she said Kanga didn't blow and accepted what she was told. She was told that we would be doing family therapy (just Kanga, therapist and me) early Sunday morning and that I was not happy with her. Kanga's response "when are my brothers and sister going to visit me? aren't they still coming this weekend?" No flipping clue...

 

[everywoman]

I'm sorry 3J. I really don't think she gets it. She is 15 now. She is still trying to manipulate and play games with the system in order to punish the family who has stood behind her all these years through all the stuff she has done. (((Hugs.)))

 

[ThreeShadows]

You are a better woman than I am. I would be unable to keep on supporting a child who is so destructive. I admire your resolve and your determination to protect your other children. I keep on looking for that magic wand to make it all better...

 

[JJJ]

You are a better woman than I am. I would be unable to keep on supporting a child who is so destructive. I admire your resolve and your determination to protect your other children. I keep on looking for that magic wand to make it all better...

All of us are legally obligated to our children until their 18th birthday...

...972 days and counting.

 

[Wiped Out]

Many, many gentle hugs.

 

[JJJ]

OMG OMG OMG

Where's the icon with someone falling out of a rocking chair????

She is out of her ever-loving mind. We spoke today and I told her I was not happy about her lies. She claims that she was talking about her old foster home and she didn't know where therapist was getting her stuff. Then she hung up on me. Then we got her back on the phone and, wow, I know she has impaired reality. Intellectually I know this, but, wow...

"A real mom wouldn't call her daughter a liar. It happened in my head and it is real just like my voices and my people. You never believe that they are real either! It all happens in my head and it is real!" screamed Kanga.

 

[gcvmom]

How do you even begin to have a conversation with someone who is so clearly NOT living in the same world as you and I?

Do they REALLY expect anything to come from family therapy when she is so deeply entrenched in her own world? I can't see that being anything more than a waste of everyone's time. If she cannot be brought into the here and now, no amount of talking will ever change things. Does anyone consider that her medications aren't helping? I can't see any point in trying to move her forward until that part is optimized. You may as well try to teach her to speak Chinese using a braille textbook. It ain't gonna work.

I'm sorry she seems so hopeless, JJJ. Truly I am.

 

[JJJ]

Tried to shelter the kids from this, but I had to warn them that CPS might be coming to the school to question them and remind them to have the school call either me or our attorney.

They all went to school yesterday, but today Tigger is totally beside himself and won't leave my side.

We're past the 24 hour window so I'm 99% positive that they didn't open a report. Tig has been doing amazing at school this year so I am not sending him and we're going to grandma's for lunch

 

[JJJ]

WRT family therapy, the benefit to me is looking at her and telling her that she will not be allowed to damage the others anymore. And I think the benefit for therapist will be to see how completely out of it she is as she normally holds it together better with therapist alone than when she adds me into the mix. Hopefully the benefit for her is that with a clearer view of her alternate reality, the therapist will be better able to help her.

 

[DammitJanet]

Oh Im so sorry JJJ.

Do you think she is that manipulative or really that out of it in the reality realm? Or both?

 

[JJJ]

Janet,

Both. I think she creates these big manipulations but because her line between reality and not-reality is so thin, she begins to believe her stories and then gets angry when others disagree.

 

[DDD]

I'm sorry. DDD

 

[mstang67chic]

WRT family therapy, the benefit to me is looking at her and telling her that she will not be allowed to damage the others anymore. And I think the benefit for therapist will be to see how completely out of it she is as she normally holds it together better with therapist alone than when she adds me into the mix. Hopefully the benefit for her is that with a clearer view of her alternate reality, the therapist will be better able to help her.

Was there anyone within earshot on her end during her phone call? A staff member perhaps that can relay to the therapist that "it happened in her head and is real"?

 

[JJJ]

Was there anyone within earshot on her end during her phone call? A staff member perhaps that can relay to the therapist that "it happened in her head and is real"?

Yep, staff was sitting with her at that point. I confirmed with them that they heard (they seem freaked out too). I spoke with therapist today. She said Kanga is jumping all over the place with her "revelations" and that she believes that she has lost touch with reality and truly believes that these things are true. She also said that Kanga told her that it is MY fault that she was abused by her birthparents and her former foster family. And that Kanga does not understand why her visit is cancelled and her contact with sibs has been suspended by us. therapist said she told Kanga that family therapy will be a lot like our phone call and she is going to hear things she doesn't like and that I will still be mad.

 

[gcvmom]

Well, that's good to hear at least. Are they looking at whether Abilify is doing the job at this point? I think 30mg is the max, isn't it? What else has she tried? Could the Vyvanse be exacerbating her psychosis?

 

[TerryJ2]

therapist said she told Kanga that family therapy will be a lot like our phone call and she is going to hear things she doesn't like and that I will still be mad.

Excellent.

I know your mommy heart is breaking.