I have a daughter. She is 23. She has a mother that is in a wheelchair and disabled mind wise as well. She's easily manipulated. My daughter uses that to her advantage. Before that was a thing, my daughter was a practically straight A student all of her school career. In her Jr year she saw a show called Glee. She wanted to go to a school like Glee. She found out that her district had a school called Inspire. It's like glee. BUT its also a charter which was for kids that weren't succeeding well in school. Obviously not for her. So we as her parents said no. She brought paperwork from school one day, telling her mom it was her registration and that she was in a special program and it confused her mom so she called the school and they told her it was a different school and her mom said no, and then later asked our daughter to bring her regular papers to sign to her normal school, daughter did and mom signed them. FINDING OUT LATER that by confusing her mother she got the papers filled out and signed to go to this Inspire. I wasn't told about this until she was through the semester and I got her report card that said Inspire on it.
At this school most of it was dance, she had few real classes and they were fill in the blanks stuff. Far Far below her. We told her that when colleges look at that, it would effect how they felt about her attending the university she wanted because it was a charter for struggling kids and they would be confused why she was doing that when her grades were so consistent. Sure enough. It happened. college after college wrote to her telling her they were concerned she might not be able to keep up with the work etc. She took her SATS got a great score but still for the same reasons the colleges turned her down. THEN..
She started taking remedial courses(because they were easy) at the local college to get some college credit before she graduated I guess it was duel credit. She told her mother she was in a degree program(lie) and she would have a degree when she graduated in high school.(lie) It turned out, the reason she wanted to do this program is because this adult college guy caught her attention while she was there. Her mom didn't know about him for months.
As the summer hit. Shes a minor remember, She goes to a camp for a week and guess whos a leader there?(we didn't find THAT out till WAY later) she told her mother she got a modeling gig (lie) she found a craigslist photographer "starting his portfolio, free pics for yours etc.." her mom got excited and she did the shoot....it was pinup and highly sexualized. I didnt find this out till daughter published the pictures of her UNDERAGE self pouring honey all down her body in a barely there string bikini that was scooted so far down her abdomen it was almost child porn. I was livid. My daugher told me her mom let her, her mom said "she won it, it was a spot to be a model to save the bees"(lie) She told me shes fine, leave her alone. (Grr) So then, she told her mother a famous studio asked her to come to new york and sign with them and she presented her paperwork. We said NO WAY. THEN, Nickelodeon came into town and did a cattle call. We told her no to that too. See, if shes a minor (and she was)Her mom or I would have to be with her wherever they flew her and at all times on set. NEITHER of us could do that. I worked and her mom just simply couldn't due to her limitations. SO she told her mom she would go to acting camp instead. and stay with her uncle to attend camp. She told her mother Jennifer Anniston was going to be her acting coach.(it was in Los Angeles) So without me knowing a thing about that, her great grandmother (daughters bank and yes man) bought her tickets and sent her to LA...I found out she was in LA because I saw nude pics of my daughter with pasties and a tutu and no undies on walking in this massive parade of people in the streets of LA...she posted the pics on her facebook! SO I send them to her mother and ask what the hell is going on?! She knew nothing about that. (she doesnt use internet) It also turns out.. Jennifer Anniston was in Ireland shooting Bird Box at that time for one, and she was NOT staying with my brother(the uncle) he didnt even know she was IN LA.. (Grrrrrrr) THEN...
She took a plane(good ol' 'great grandma) to NEW YORK!! (we were still trying to get to LA to drag her lying butt home) She told her grandma she was with body guards! another LIE. She was with this adult college guy and a gay guy she met and another friend all guys... NOT minors. SHE was. She has this adult guy sign the papers as her father. She flies home, we find out shes NOT in LA and that she went to NY and is on her way home we are LIVID. LIVID. Her great grandmother tells us were nut jobs and daughter could be famous and leave her alone. shes fine. (Grrrrrrrrrrr)
She lives with her mother through all of this so when she gets back she's grounded, her electronics taken, etc.. NOT FOR LONG. Her mother doesn't ever stick with a punishment. I think since the day we first had to, there was literally no consequences. I couldn't do much, she lived in their house. Bank of great grandma and yes man, and her I wanna be her friend mom. I am beyond frustrated and pissed and find out this guy is an adult and I FORBID the relationship. Her mom says she can date this adult guy under supervision.(constantly I was undermined) The supervision is.. "is someone else with you two? yes? ok" ......There was never anyone ever with them. THEN daughter starts out of the blue dressing like a harlot.. with booty shorts, mid drifts and stilettoes.. harlot. We forbid it, it continues and(I dont know shes seeing this adult) so I go up to her mothers after the 10th time her mom won't take her harlot clothes away and so she tells me to come get them and I confiscate all the clothing. I go shopping and fill her drawers with decent clothes that are new. EVEN shopped at her favorite store for them. Just made sure they were decent. She didn't like that so... She had sex with the adult guy and left used condoms all over the bedroom and stuck in vents outside the house..her MOTHER had to clean up.. I told her..." But Ro.. "Shes fine." isn't that what you told me?" THEN.. great grandma gets a that year mustang and takes daughter to get her permit(im thinking, bad idea right now) she passes and comes home. Great grandma against her mother and my wishes lets her BORROW THE MUSTANG. (Im not told about this) I find out because the father of this adult boy calls and asks us to peel our daughter off their son that he's missing assignments and not passing tests and it's because she's been DRIVING TO SAN FRANSCISCO to VISIT the college!! And that she has had him in her car against their wishes and that they can do that because THEY pay his college. Ok. So..We FORBIT her to see him. We tell her it was HIS fathers wishes. (I believe his words were "shes not the type of girl he needs to be cavorting around with) and that they set rules and she doesn't follow them. APARENTLY.. someone saw her and thought she was a kid( my daughter looks like she's 13) and saw her pictures on his phone..racy pics im told. This whoever reported it called literally EVERY part of the college to let them know. (Yikes) and he ALMOST looses his package and his place in the College I guess it would be for sex with a minor or child porn I don't know. I find this out because ONE my daughter calls me and rails me thinking I did it. Lying about how she had the FBI look up who and it was me. lol TWO his DAD calls us again LIVID. Ugh.. she lives with her mother I tell him. Theres only so much I can do.
STILL she drives him around. Her mother tells the dad shes fine. (see? you really have to slow down, explain one thing at a time to Ro. I believe that response was because she was confused.) and DAD calls ME. Daughter retaliates and has sex with the guy..leaving condoms that are used all over the room, stuck in vents outside that her mother and great grandma have to clean up because a neighbor called CPS because daughter was out after midnight walking home from some theature thing she was doing. (UGH...AHHHHH! )

Girls are hard.

Then.. She turns 18, goes to see the guy after being apart 7 months. We finally kept them apart. After she tried to get into his college and they rejected her application (whew!) She even tried USF(has in Berkeley) BOTH rejected her app. (SAME reasons by the way) SO.. she goes to see him, he tells her he doesn't feel the same anymore (big surprise) and she retaliates by deciding shes fallen in love with some other guy. She dates 3 in succession moving in with all of them. ugh... then she starts a tik tok. Her videos are her practically naked and doing transitions where she has clothing on then she's in fetish wear.. UGH....Then she starts drinking(of course) and still switching boyfriend's and she ends up in Sacramento with one and we like this one. Hes great. BUTTT. he doesn't like her tik tok content(of course he wouldn't) and the fact she told everyone shes suddenly BI(several of her friends were and the political women's movement CRAP started so she of course is trying to be one of them..and then she writes on her profiles that shes poly.. guy leaves her. and then comes back and she immediately goes to visit this other guy she claims was her best friend( never heard of him nor has her mother) in BALTIMORE and she spends a week there. She comes back and the boyfriend leaves her. She suddenly "realizes" shes in love with this best friend and she packs up and MOVES to Baltimore! The #3 state in the NATION for violent crime, rape, trafficking, murder etc.. and her tik tok gets WORSE..like.. wearing nothing but a few pieces of wrapping paper and nothing else worse..like..fetish wear from a sex shop out in the snow dancing sexualized dances in the parking lot worse.. like drunk in pasties and a skirt that half covers her butt cheeks and stilletoes in the middle of the night worse..all in BALTIMORE. She then LAUNCHES a porn career.. and ONLYFANS. she buys a testla which, gets stolen in a week. BIG SUPRISE. she keeps this up, then she starts posting all kinds of sexualized and objectified pictures and videos on her twitter and tik tok and spread legs, no bra, sex museum.. and guy leaves her. in fact, he leaves HIS apartment since it has a bunch of other guys in it, and shes always filming and he's trying to get through college and so she moves and tells NO ONE where she is. In Balt. but we dont know where or who her friends are or who her guy is( they change a lot) and we notice that everytime she has a new guy, she moves. we realize shes going from guy to guy to keep a roof over her head...sigh....so THEN she starts regularly starts wearing all this fetish and half covered butt cheek stuff and pasties to places like stores, the mall (where kids and families are) and starts playing MTG(Magic the gathering) and going to tournaments. DRESSED LIKE THAT. "PROMOTING HER PORN" she tells people, "Call me whore" she tells people and she makes huge recorded scenes with cops and security and stuff that "OBJECTIFY AND SEXUALIZE" her..(GRRRRRRRRRRRR) I tell her not only are you going to end up with AIDS but your going to end up on the sex registry because in multiple states if you end up with indecent exposure? you end up on the registry. " Thats a YOU problem" she says. "Its sick my own father is sexualizing me" she says. " Im an object when I say so" she says " my body my choice" she says. " no one gets to tell me what to wear" she says. I love this one.." Just because my clothes are from a sex store doesn't mean their for sex" .......oh boy. So NOW...she travels the country, dressed like that, shooting various sex acts either alone or with multiple guys or multiple girls or some sex club for her Only Fans.. She drug my wife into court for TRAFFICKING her photos once because the family got a bunch of her pictures of her acts and she blamed my wife who..had NO IDEA (I didnt tell her, it would have broke her heart) she HAD a sex site at that time. So thats how SHE found out. and it turned out one of her cousins paid for a subscription to her site to see what it was and sent the pics around. So that was MONTHS of stress and anxiety. If my wife had been deemed guilty, she would have done the time IN BALTIMORE. years!
Then..of course she was vindicated. Daughter had no proof who it was. We didnt even know til later. NOW...She's performing IMPACT PLAY (look that up) on stage in a sex club in front of crowds for content..I am at the point, I want NOTHING to do with her. NOTHING. I didnt raise that. I don't respect or support that. Shes going to get herself stalked, raped, killed and left in a gutter and I DO NOT want to be there when she does. I'm DONE. I have been 5150'd multiple times over this stuff shes doing, I have constant reoccurring nightmares about her dying or being attacked or raped. Shes on stage getting tied to crosses and beaten and violated...WHO WOULDNT?! I have no respect for this dumpster fire lifestyle. I never will. I can't DO anything about it and i'm just about to go BACK into the hospital. AND apparently IM the toxic father. it's MY fault she does this. Im like.. BS. She LIVED with her mother, She was SPOILED by my WHOLE family ALL her life. ALWAYS. HUGE ITALIAN LOVING FAMILY. She VISITED me and we traveled. We camped. We had good times. She really wasn't a bad kid until THIS stuff started. I really had NO issues with her on the whole. Im NOT taking responsibility for this. THIS is on HER. She was never even exposed to it growing up so I don't know who even introduced her to this trash in the first place! NOW shes moving to NY on Monday, heard through grape vine, and I don't know where. IF she was in trouble or hurt i'd never make it to her. I wouldnt even know where to go or who to talk to. and it's YET ANOTHER guy shes moving in with. And everyone asks me this but YES I did consider she might be trafficked. two things about that I was told by both NY and Baltimore that if she in fact is? they cant do anything unless she wants help! unless SHE wants OUT?! AND I have to have an address. I DONT. NO ONE in our family does. Im left with 5150's, NO answers, NOTHING I can do about it, NO ONE I can talk to. and What happens happens.

Just remember, 1. GIRLS ARE HARD. 2. If anyone ever complains about a tantrum in the store with a toddler? show them MY story. I'd DIE for something like that instead.
 

Newksm

Member
I read thru your post and I suggest counseling for you, and her mom...if she wants to get help.

It would be overwhelming to be on such an emotional roller-coaster. Even though you didn't mention her having drug or alcohol addiction, I wonder if this is how she supports her habit? Even if they aren't involved, you still can't change or control another adult,

I go to a 12 step meeting for family or friends of addicts. It is really very helpful to put things in perspective. Parents dealing with their child's poor behavior, addictions, mental health issues, criminal behavior...all have the same things in common. Their child's issues is hurting the parents hearts, health, jobs, finances, other relationships. One has to find away to let go of all pain, detach, have boundaries, take care of yourself, make a life gor yourself and find some happiness for yourself.

There is a great article about detachment on this forum...it is always one of the first four posts. Read it often. Good luck.
 

Newksm

Member
 

Crayola13

Well-Known Member
If she’s 23, and you’re not controlling the purse strings or allowing her to live in your house, there is nothing you can do.

A career like this rarely lasts more than a few years. At some point she will have to have real job skills. If not, I see her eventually going into the more dangerous profession of prostitution. She won’t look young and pretty forever. I can see why you’re concerned about the potential for STDs or worse.

We can hope that she will come to see this whole industry for what it really is. That could take years. I seriously doubt her great grandmother knows about the impact play.

She has a fetish. It might burn itself out over time. The income can be quite lucrative for some young women. But, how will she support herself after she starts looking older? I hope that will be enough make her realize she needs job skills or higher education.

Please continue seeing your doctor. If you were 5150’d, you basically had a nervous breakdown over this. You need continued counseling and medications. Try to find a support system.
 
I have a daughter. She is 23. She has a mother that is in a wheelchair and disabled mind wise as well. She's easily manipulated. My daughter uses that to her advantage. Before that was a thing, my daughter was a practically straight A student all of her school career. In her Jr year she saw a show called Glee. She wanted to go to a school like Glee. She found out that her district had a school called Inspire. It's like glee. BUT its also a charter which was for kids that weren't succeeding well in school. Obviously not for her. So we as her parents said no. She brought paperwork from school one day, have a degree when she graduated in high school.(lie) It turned out, the reason she wanted to do this program is because this adult college guy caught her attention while she was there. Her mom didn't know about him for months.
As the summer hit. Shes a minor remember, She goes to a camp for a week and guess whos a leader there?(we didn't find THAT out till WAY later) she told her mother she got a modeling gig (lie) she found a craigslist photographer "starting his portfolio, free pics for yours etc.." her mom got excited and she did the shoot....it was pinup and highly sexualized. I didnt find this out till daughter published the pictures of her UNDERAGE self pouring honey all down her body in a barely there string bikini that was scooted so far down her abdomen it was almost child porn. I was livid. My daugher told me her mom let her, her mom said "she won it, it was a spot to be a model to save the bees"(lie) She told me shes fine, leave her alone. (Grr) So then, she told her mother a famous studio asked her to come to new york and sign with them and she presented her paperwork. We said NO WAY. THEN, Nickelodeon came into town and did a cattle call. We told her no to that too. See, if shes a minor (and she was)Her mom or I would have to be with her wherever they flew her and at all times on set. NEITHER of us could do that. I worked and her mom just simply couldn't due to her limitations. SO she told her mom she would go to acting camp instead. and stay with her uncle to attend camp. She told her mother Jennifer Anniston was going to be her acting coach.(it was in Los Angeles) So without me knowing a thing about that, her great grandmother (daughters bank and yes man) bought her tickets and sent her to LA...I found out she was in LA because I saw nude pics of my daughter with pasties and a tutu and no undies on walking in this massive parade of people in the streets of LA...she posted the pics on her facebook! SO I send them to her mother and ask what the hell is going on?! She knew nothing about that. (she doesnt use internet) It also turns out.. Jennifer Anniston was in Ireland shooting Bird Box at that time for one, and she was NOT staying with my brother(the uncle) he didnt even know she was IN LA.. (Grrrrrrr) THEN...
She took a plane(good ol' 'great grandma) to NEW YORK!! (we were still trying to get to LA to drag her lying butt home) She told her grandma she was with body guards! another LIE. She was with this adult college guy and a gay guy she met and another friend all guys... NOT minors. SHE was. She has this adult guy sign the papers as her father. She flies home, we find out shes NOT in LA and that she went to NY and is on her way home we are LIVID. LIVID. Her great grandmother tells us were nut jobs and daughter could be famous and leave her alone. shes fine. (Grrrrrrrrrrr)
She lives with her mother through all of this so when she gets back she's grounded, her electronics taken, etc.. NOT FOR LONG. Her mother doesn't ever stick with a punishment. I think since the day we first had to, there was literally no consequences. I couldn't do much, she lived in their house. Bank of great grandma and yes man, and her I wanna be her friend mom. I am beyond frustrated and pissed and find out this guy is an adult and I FORBID the relationship. Her mom says she can date this adult guy under supervision.(constantly I was undermined) The supervision is.. "is someone else with you two? yes? ok" ......There was never anyone ever with them. THEN daughter starts out of the blue dressing like a harlot.. with booty shorts, mid drifts and stilettoes.. harlot. We forbid it, it continues and(I dont know shes seeing this adult) so I go up to her mothers after the 10th time her mom won't take her harlot clothes away and so she tells me to come get them and I confiscate all the clothing. I go shopping and fill her drawers with decent clothes that are new. EVEN shopped at her favorite store for them. Just made sure they were decent. She didn't like that so... She had sex with the adult guy and left used condoms all over the bedroom and stuck in vents outside the house..her MOTHER had to clean up.. I told her..." But Ro.. "Shes fine." isn't that what you told me?" THEN.. great grandma gets a that year mustang and takes daughter to get her permit(im thinking, bad idea right now) she passes and comes home. Great grandma against her mother and my wishes lets her BORROW THE MUSTANG. (Im not told about this) I find out because the father of this adult boy calls and asks us to peel our daughter off their son that he's missing assignments and not passing tests and it's because she's been DRIVING TO SAN FRANSCISCO to VISIT the college!! And that she has had him in her car against their wishes and that they can do that because THEY pay his college. Ok. So..We FORBIT her to see him. We tell her it was HIS fathers wishes. (I believe his words were "shes not the type of girl he needs to be cavorting around with) and that they set rules and she doesn't follow them. APARENTLY.. someone saw her and thought she was a kid( my daughter looks like she's 13) and saw her pictures on his phone..racy pics im told. This whoever reported it called literally EVERY part of the college to let them know. (Yikes) and he ALMOST looses his package and his place in the College I guess it would be for sex with a minor or child porn I don't know. I find this out because ONE my daughter calls me and rails me thinking I did it. Lying about how she had the FBI look up who and it was me. lol TWO his DAD calls us again LIVID. Ugh.. she lives with her mother I tell him. Theres only so much I can do.
STILL she drives him around. Her mother tells the dad shes fine. (see? you really have to slow down, explain one thing at a time to Ro. I believe that response was because she was confused.) and DAD calls ME. Daughter retaliates and has sex with the guy..leaving condoms that are used all over the room, stuck in vents outside that her mother and great grandma have to clean up because a neighbor called CPS because daughter was out after midnight walking home from some theature thing she was doing. (UGH...AHHHHH! )

Girls are hard.

Then.. She turns 18, goes to see the guy after being apart 7 months. We finally kept them apart. After she tried to get into his college and they rejected her application (whew!) She even tried USF(has in Berkeley) BOTH rejected her app. (SAME reasons by the way) SO.. she goes to see him, he tells her he doesn't feel the same anymore (big surprise) and she retaliates by deciding shes fallen in love with some other guy. She dates 3 in succession moving in with all of them. ugh... then she starts a tik tok. Her videos are her practically naked and doing transitions where she has clothing on then she's in fetish wear.. UGH....Then she starts drinking(of course) and still switching boyfriend's and she ends up in Sacramento with one and we like this one. Hes great. BUTTT. he doesn't like her tik tok content(of course he wouldn't) and the fact she told everyone shes suddenly BI(several of her friends were and the political women's movement CRAP started so she of course is trying to be one of them..and then she writes on her profiles that shes poly.. guy leaves her. and then comes back and she immediately goes to visit this other guy she claims was her best friend( never heard of him nor has her mother) in BALTIMORE and she spends a week there. She comes back and the boyfriend leaves her. She suddenly "realizes" shes in love with this best friend and she packs up and MOVES to Baltimore! The #3 state in the NATION for violent crime, rape, trafficking, murder etc.. and her tik tok gets WORSE..like.. wearing nothing but a few pieces of wrapping paper and nothing else worse..like..fetish wear from a sex shop out in the snow dancing sexualized dances in the parking lot worse.. like drunk in pasties and a skirt that half covers her butt cheeks and stilletoes in the middle of the night worse..all in BALTIMORE. She then LAUNCHES a porn career.. and ONLYFANS. she buys a testla which, gets stolen in a week. BIG SUPRISE. she keeps this up, then she starts posting all kinds of sexualized and objectified pictures and videos on her twitter and tik tok and spread legs, no bra, sex museum.. and guy leaves her. in fact, he leaves HIS apartment since it has a bunch of other guys in it, and shes always filming and he's trying to get through college and so she moves and tells NO ONE where she is. In Balt. but we dont know where or who her friends are or who her guy is( they change a lot) and we notice that everytime she has a new guy, she moves. we realize shes going from guy to guy to keep a roof over her head...sigh....so THEN she starts regularly starts wearing all this fetish and half covered butt cheek stuff and pasties to places like stores, the mall (where kids and families are) and starts playing MTG(Magic the gathering) and going to tournaments. DRESSED LIKE THAT. "PROMOTING HER PORN" she tells people, "Call me whore" she tells people and she makes huge recorded scenes with cops and security and stuff that "OBJECTIFY AND SEXUALIZE" her..(GRRRRRRRRRRRR) I tell her not only are you going to end up with AIDS but your going to end up on the sex registry because in multiple states if you end up with indecent exposure? you end up on the registry. " Thats a YOU problem" she says. "Its sick my own father is sexualizing me" she says. " Im an object when I say so" she says " my body my choice" she says. " no one gets to tell me what to wear" she says. I love this one.." Just because my clothes are from a sex store doesn't mean their for sex" .......oh boy. So NOW...she travels the country, dressed like that, shooting various sex acts either alone or with multiple guys or multiple girls or some sex club for her Only Fans.. She drug my wife into court for TRAFFICKING her photos once because the family got a bunch of her pictures of her acts and she blamed my wife who..had NO IDEA (I didnt tell her, it would have broke her heart) she HAD a sex site at that time. So thats how SHE found out. and it turned out one of her cousins paid for a subscription to her site to see what it was and sent the pics around. So that was MONTHS of stress and anxiety. If my wife had been deemed guilty, she would have done the time IN BALTIMORE. years!
Then..of course she was vindicated. Daughter had no proof who it was. We didnt even know til later. NOW...She's performing IMPACT PLAY (look that up) on stage in a sex club in front of crowds for content..I am at the point, I want NOTHING to do with her. NOTHING. I didnt raise that. I don't respect or support that. Shes going to get herself stalked, raped, killed and left in a gutter and I DO NOT want to be there when she does. I'm DONE. I have been 5150'd multiple times over this stuff shes doing, I have constant reoccurring nightmares about her dying or being attacked or raped. Shes on stage getting tied to crosses and beaten and violated...WHO WOULDNT?! I have no respect for this dumpster fire lifestyle. I never will. I can't DO anything about it and i'm just about to go BACK into the hospital. AND apparently IM the toxic father. it's MY fault she does this. Im like.. BS. She LIVED with her mother, She was SPOILED by my WHOLE family ALL her life. ALWAYS. HUGE ITALIAN LOVING FAMILY. She VISITED me and we traveled. We camped. We had good times. She really wasn't a bad kid until THIS stuff started. I really had NO issues with her on the whole. Im NOT taking responsibility for this. THIS is on HER. She was never even exposed to it growing up so I don't know who even introduced her to this trash in the first place! NOW shes moving to NY on Monday, heard through grape vine, and I don't know where. IF she was in trouble or hurt i'd never make it to her. I wouldnt even know where to go or who to talk to. and it's YET ANOTHER guy shes moving in with. And everyone asks me this but YES I did consider she might be trafficked. two things about that I was told by both NY and Baltimore that if she in fact is? they cant do anything unless she wants help! unless SHE wants OUT?! AND I have to have an address. I DONT. NO ONE in our family does. Im left with 5150's, NO answers, NOTHING I can do about it, NO ONE I can talk to. and What happens happens.

Just remember, 1. GIRLS ARE HARD. 2. If anyone ever complains about a tantrum in the store with a toddler? show them MY story. I'd DIE for something like that instead.
Pat,

I’m going to state the obvious here, you are in full Papa bear mode. Despite your daughter’s actions, you love your daughter and want to protect her. As you state clearly in your story, there is literally nothing that you can do. I don’t know how much contact you have with her, but it would catch the attention of all parties involved if you changed your roar to a whisper. They (great grandma and co & your daughter) are expecting your rants, screaming, angst , 5150. They aren’t expecting you to just say nothing and go stoic. I encourage you to stop looking at her social media, stop tracing her every move - just at least for one week. You know how to care for others and that means you know how to take care of yourself. It may mean something as simple as putting the phone down or turning the computer off and going into the kitchen and making yourself a cup of coffee, sitting outside, smelling the fresh air, or even doing some deep breathing exercises. All of us caregivers know how to take care of others, and how to take care of ourselves, but our self care is obliterated with the need to help and save our children to help beyond their years. We are with you if you need to get professional help from a mental program that is completely acceptable but don’t throw yourself in a 5150 because that’s going to somehow help your daughter from going over the edge. As you have said, she is a smart girl. as you know, the situation is out of your control. The only fans thing and the dancing on TikTok is part of the new generation. I am not saying to accept this or that I think that it is right, but I do see it and to see your daughter go through it after she had such a bright future is excruciating for you. The good news is, she is a smart girl. That means that she can get herself out of this is the situation when the time comes. one thing that may help you study the works of the stoics and as many people have said here, studying families anonymous and. detaching. Sometimes we all have to step back and take a look at our lives to realize how crazy they’ve become. I know that I have done this. I am still in the midst of my situation and it hurts. Every day it hurts. But I also know that if I don’t take take care of myself, no one else will. as the saying goes - I want you to go look at yourself in the mirror right now, that is the person that has gotten you through every rough day of your life, be kind to him
 
If she’s 23, and you’re not controlling the purse strings or allowing her to live in your house, there is nothing you can do.

A career like this rarely lasts more than a few years. At some point she will have to have real job skills. If not, I see her eventually going into the more dangerous profession of prostitution. She won’t look young and pretty forever. I can see why you’re concerned about the potential for STDs or worse.

We can hope that she will come to see this whole industry for what it really is. That could take years. I seriously doubt her great grandmother knows about the impact play.

She has a fetish. It might burn itself out over time. The income can be quite lucrative for some young women. But, how will she support herself after she starts looking older? I hope that will be enough make her realize she needs job skills or higher education.

Please continue seeing your doctor. If you were 5150’d, you basically had a nervous breakdown over this. You need continued counseling and medications. Try to find a support system.
she already prostitutes. And that's my pain. I can't do anything..
 

Crayola13

Well-Known Member
I think you need to focus on yourself because you can’t control what she’s doing. You can communicate your sadness to her. It probably won’t do any good to warn her of all the dangers involved because she will insist she’s being careful and knows what she’s doing, etc. Stay in counseling because it’s too hard to endure this alone. There is an article on this website about detachment that many parents find helpful.

I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I understand why you’re freaking out. I would be, too. If you’re going to stay sane, you have to make peace with this and let it go. That is easier said than done. Please go to your counseling sessions on a regular basis because there is help available for you.
 
Pat,

I’m going to state the obvious here, you are in full Papa bear mode. Despite your daughter’s actions, you love your daughter and want to protect her. As you state clearly in your story, there is literally nothing that you can do. I don’t know how much contact you have with her, but it would catch the attention of all parties involved if you changed your roar to a whisper. They (great grandma and co & your daughter) are expecting your rants, screaming, angst , 5150. They aren’t expecting you to just say nothing and go stoic. I encourage you to stop looking at her social media, stop tracing her every move - just at least for one week. You know how to care for others and that means you know how to take care of yourself. It may mean something as simple as putting the phone down or turning the computer off and going into the kitchen and making yourself a cup of coffee, sitting outside, smelling the fresh air, or even doing some deep breathing exercises. All of us caregivers know how to take care of others, and how to take care of ourselves, but our self care is obliterated with the need to help and save our children to help beyond their years. We are with you if you need to get professional help from a mental program that is completely acceptable but don’t throw yourself in a 5150 because that’s going to somehow help your daughter from going over the edge. As you have said, she is a smart girl. as you know, the situation is out of your control. The only fans thing and the dancing on TikTok is part of the new generation. I am not saying to accept this or that I think that it is right, but I do see it and to see your daughter go through it after she had such a bright future is excruciating for you. The good news is, she is a smart girl. That means that she can get herself out of this is the situation when the time comes. one thing that may help you study the works of the stoics and as many people have said here, studying families anonymous and. detaching. Sometimes we all have to step back and take a look at our lives to realize how crazy they’ve become. I know that I have done this. I am still in the midst of my situation and it hurts. Every day it hurts. But I also know that if I don’t take take care of myself, no one else will. as the saying goes - I want you to go look at yourself in the mirror right now, that is the person that has gotten you through every rough day of your life, be kind to him
thank you so much for that. I know your right it just seems impossible to get through..
 
I think you need to focus on yourself because you can’t control what she’s doing. You can communicate your sadness to her. It probably won’t do any good to warn her of all the dangers involved because she will insist she’s being careful and knows what she’s doing, etc. Stay in counseling because it’s too hard to endure this alone. There is an article on this website about detachment that many parents find helpful.

I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I understand why you’re freaking out. I would be, too. If you’re going to stay sane, you have to make peace with this and let it go. That is easier said than done. Please go to your counseling sessions on a regular basis because there is help available for you.
Ive tried in the past to talk to her. I haven't had contact in a year now. I dont know what id have to say that would make any difference now anyway. im not going to tell her its ok so.. i dont really have much to offer in the way of words. thank you for caring. I do have therapy now. im trying
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Hello and welcome

It may be hard to believe but almost all of us here are dealing with some version of heartbreak and our inability to deal with it. We are all of us in the process of learning to live productive and contented lives in spite of our children's inability or unwillingness to do so.

Most parents come here and they post a few times, or maybe several months, and they leave. Perhaps their problems have been remediated. Perhaps they do not find here, what they seek. But there is a hardcore group of us that are here week in, week out for years and years. Some of us dedicate ourselves here, even though our child has improved. Others of us have experienced a long, long decline.

But even so, there is a way to get your life back. And more than this. To deal with something so awful and so painful, we have to change. Our own vulnerabilities and blindspots about our lives may have been tolerable when life was going well. When all Hell has broken loose and it stays that way we must go deep to find meaning and purpose and search for and heal painful parts of ourselves and our lives, that are revealed by our suffering.

I urge you to see this disappointment and pain as it reveals itself to you, in you. What I did not know many years ago was that the barriers to change were in me. My son deserves his own life. He deserves to fail and to flail in his own life, so that he may have the opportunity to learn and change. Your daughter does too.
 
Last edited:

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Copa, this is the most amazing, best and truest post I have ever seen on this forum. Ever. It shocked me to read it. It shows your great knowledge of the human mind.
If we have any form of Ptsd from the past, we can usually ignore it and move on
...

Until our demons from the past suddenly leap up and visit us in the present. Like a ghost hiding in our minds.

I have nothing to add. It is a perfect explanation. Thank you.
 
Top