Sexual Harrassment

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Nov 7, 2013.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    This is not an issue for me. I don't "do" victim as an adult, I don't give a snot who you are. It has to do with a co worker friend and our supervisor/boss for the temp co. (who is married with kids by the way, and has a rep for this behavior, a rather strong one as he's been charged with it countless times and still has his job)

    S is a friendly lady about 10 yrs younger than me, good worker, difficult child trying hard to get back onto the path of easy child, married (husband is in prison, long story but the reason for rehab and changing her life) Attractive......but does give off a bit of victim vibes. Her dad is a sadistic abuser, unfortunately that is whom she has to live with right now, and I think it's got her falling into old patterns of behavior subconsciously.

    Soooooo boss man decides he's got a thing for this lil red head. Now he's from the same rural area as she is, and I'm thinking HER past rep is also playing a role here if you Know what I mean?? I have seen him too many times stand right behind her far too close for comfort, MY comfort.....and he's not doing it to me, basically breathing down her neck. I've heard him repeatedly ask her out and her turn him down. (although she is always friendly, too friendly in my opinion if you get my drift for the situation) He seeks her out. I have seen him pat her ass, grab her waist. He's always hanging around........and it drives me nuts because he tends to get in the way and I just plain can't stand the man.

    I have told S repeatedly she needs to, when he does this crud, state LOUDLY whatever it was he did (ask her out or touch her or get too close) and tell him to basically back off. It doesn't have to be done in a snarky tone to get the message across.......loud draws everyone's attention to it and gives her witnesses, which we all know he doesn't really want.

    Example (and I did explain how to do it to her): Boss stands right up on her. Announce LOUD that he is standing in your bubble and he needs to MOVE. Firm voice, even if you smile. This she actually did but used a much too easy going voice to make it effective. Boss grabs her rear end she needs to announce to the line L you did NOT just grab my #ss! LOUD.....that comment doesn't matter too much what tone of voice because it spells out exactly what he did but works better with a shocked or poed tone.

    That sort of thing. Tends to stop it immediately because it draws attention to his behavior.

    Now one night he was so bad that he was all up in my space too and interfering with my slugging and majorly ticking me off. He got up close to me like he did S.....doubtful it was for the same reason as I'm 10 yrs older and we don't care much for each other (cuz I take no crud from him) maybe it was to talk to me about S or something I dunno......and since I was already ticked.......well as loud as I could (cuz machines are loud) I said "L you are in my BUBBLE, get the F out of my bubble and let me work, you're in my way." Of course everyone in the area looked (a bit shocked too lol ) Yes, boss got ticked off and mumbled something about "trying to help" to which I replied I didn't need help thanks and he stomped off in a huff. However he's never gotten close to me like that again.

    I'm not the only one to witness his behavior with S. Anyone who slugs with her would have to be blind to miss it. Now another co worker......young girl about 19.......who's mom is the supervisor for the line on day shift wants to report him for S who is too scared of losing her job to report him. We car pool together and she told me last night. She asked if I'd be a witness. I of course said yes. But I did say that S has to make it plain to boss she wants him to stop what he's doing it bothers her or I'm pretty sure they can't do anything. Girl was going to talk to her mom about it.

    I will stand up for S. No doubt. Even if it costs me my job. Just the way I am. And it probably will......except that I know boss man's boss personally and that might be the only thing that saves MY rear. Because she knows me well enough that I don't go around making trouble, but I will call it like I see it.

    I'm going to remind the girl that S has got to stand up to boss to at least tell him to stop that it makes her uncomfortable. Because seriously, he can easily play it off as just flirting and as far as I've seen she her responses can be taken more as hard to get than her being uncomfortable with his behavior. However she has stated to coworkers repeatedly that she hates it ect. But I don't think it will go anywhere if she doesn't stand up to him. He's faced this crud too many times and gotten off too many times, and that is likely the reason for it.

    I'm a bit worried if S doesn't at least once tell him to stop, she's going to lose her job........or charges will make him back off but then he's going to make working there a nightmare so she well as anyone who stood up for her. Oh, he wouldn't dare the girl I car pool with cuz her mom would get involved, but yeah. Not sure he would with me either cuz I'll rip him a new one in front of God and everyone and he knows it. If I lost my job because I stood up for her, the world won't end. I like my job, but there are other jobs.......and now I have nearly 6 months experience in manufacturing under my not anywhere near the situation I was in when I started job hunt wise.

    And if he was gonna give me a rough time about it, he would already be doing so. He now seeks S out when I'm not with her as much as possible. Why? Because I get in his way. One day he kept trying to touch her while he talked to her......he was standing right next to the slug box.......and I made sure my hand knocked his away "reaching for a slug" each time he reached out, or I'll interrupt or I'll just stare his fanny down with my momma stare until he gets uncomfortable and leaves. If I'm there he has hardly a chance to do/say anything because I don't give it to him. Boss knows darn good and well I know what he's up to.

    Sad thing much as I don't like boss man........I think in his mind he is flirting, not harassing. Yup. Immoral him being married, but not everyone is faithful. He flirts with anyone S's age or younger especially if they are gifted in the chest area. I think he believes himself to be a ladies man of sorts. (gag me) Ex HS football player ego type dude if you get my drift. S is the only one I know of that didn't/hasn't shot him down pretty quickly. Not saying others weren't intimidated because as I said he's faces charges before......but I've not seen it personally. But S is somewhat conditioned by past abuse (grew up in an excessive abusive household) and is already going through abuse again with her elderly dad who gets worse as he ages and becomes more senile.

    I will talk to S again today about just flat out telling boss what he does makes her uncomfortable and to stop it, she's not interested.

    So? Hmm. Do you think this is going to blow up in S's face (even if it's reported by others) or if perhaps boss will find himself in a pickle? Sad to say.....I think S is going to find out because she has yet to take a stand that she's opened up a major can of worms and there are not many places that hire felons. :(
  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    If the company receives even a remote complaint if sexual harassment; they are legally bound to investigate it. It's a criminal law- not just civil or employment.

    Do you have an employee handbook? S needs to follow it to the letter and file a complaint. If she's a temp & employed by the agency- she needs to file the complaint w the temp agency. Flirting is not harassment but sexual innuendo, touching, inappropriate jokes, quid pro quo behavior does qualify. The victim needs to report it either to her immediate supervisor or further up. Anecdotal coworker reports really won't qualify and yes, could blow up. The company will have to investigate- and if S doesn't verify it or complain - there is nothing to investigate and it could be construed as mere troublemaking, I think. And it could come back to haunt you or hurt in a future job search. I think you should encourage her to put a stop to it. I wouldn't make a complaint on her behalf because I think you could both end up unemployed. The company had to verify a complaint. If she downplays it, the complaint is unverifiable and it's over.
  3. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I think you've given her the right advice. She needs to lay the ground rules. If she laughs it off or gives him any kind of impression that his attention is welcome (unintentional or not), he'll blame her and say she asked for it. He sounds like a real creep!

    by the way, I give my kids the same advice about being very loud if another kid is bothering them. Just scream "Stop doing that!" or "Don't touch me again!" It gets the attention of the adults and the kid stops what they were doing.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    That is what I thought. *sigh*

    Bad part of calling it like I see it is that I will also have to say that I did not see S tell him to stop or whatever. Only heard her say once she was married......and she's not like that. Not enough in my opinion. I'll also have to say that she did not appear uncomfortable when speaking to him, because she didn't, whether or not she felt that way. I recognize it for what it is........but it wouldn't back up her claim. ugh I will be honest about what I saw go on as well as what S said to me when he'd walk away. Unfortunately it's a double edged sword unless she sticks up for herself. Hard to do or not. :(

    I know she is too intimidated to behave as if it bothers her for fear of getting him mad.......and him making her work life miserable in retribution or losing her job. But honestly, it would be difficult for him to find reason to fire her. She has never missed a day and she is a slugger. Puts you at gold level in this place, seriously. She has more leverage in this situation than she thinks she has.

    Honestly? I think he'd back off and leave her alone if she'd straight up tell him. I don't think he's quite that much of a class A jerk. In a way, I can see where her responses, all friendly with a smile ect, are not enough to deter him. And I've seen him with other females and he does back off. He did the same stuff to Nichole.......and she listened to her Mom and he left her alone. So, a jerk, yes. But not the sexual predator type per se. This place is the affair heaven. No joke. It's like a pick up bar for 3rd shifters or something. Ridiculous.

    I just can't seem to get her convinced to tell him like she means it.
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Years ago, there was a security officer in the hotel where I worked third shift, who made a comment about how my rear end looked... Which was the final straw, as he had leered and gotten too close way too many times. I reported him. We got a new officer the next evening. Because... While I enjoy a little banter here and there... If someone makes me uncomfortable, I will make THEM uncomfortable!

    Last job I had, one of the salesmen wasn't exactly harassing me but got way too close. I asked. I told. I finally ran over his foot with my chair and an elbow out that hit him... Umm. He never got close again.

    If something bugs me, I'll give the person a chance to change their behavior. If they don't, I get verbal... Physical if necessary... And I will make a report.
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    HD - it doesn't matter what HER reaction is.....HE is making YOU uncomfortable. And you have every right to not be uncomfortable at your workplace. Especially with an inappropriate relationship....whether she is agreeable to it or not.
  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    She should report this behavior to HR or her supervisor. They will make him stop. She may not have the backbone to do it even though she IS uncomfortable. From the sound of it, her past reputation is the reason he keeps going after her and her protests (however slight) will be ignored by him. Hr will do it, that may scare him.

    She has to document, document, document and have witnesses names written down as well. She should keep a little journal with the date, time, facts and how it made her feel.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I agree with Signorina - 100% from a legal aspect.

    From a Star P.O.V. I think I would turn around and grab myself a handful of his crotch, slam him up against the wall, and throw your whole weight into him and say "BOSS MAN......the next time you decide to play grab *** make sure you know who all the players in the room are." I swear to you either he's going to RUN or ask you WTH? If it's the latter then both of you need to tell him that the (insert her name) TOUCH AND FEEL show is over or both of you are going to HR about his perverse acts.

    And yeah......been there done that. The touchy-feely show stopped immediately. Sadly no one wanted to play with an ridiculously aggressive Star while she had a hand full of their man goodies. I have a feeling the same thing would happen if Hound did the same thing. No charges were ever had to be filed. And Mr Grabsie...never made contact with Star again.
  9. snowflakeleona

    snowflakeleona New Member

    You need to know this happened to me where I had harassment. I became very analytical about it. At first I said no no no. But as time went by I realized why he was doing this to me. He really was deep down a homosexual trying to make himself look like he was straight to all the other coworkers. You need to talk to a police officer and have him talk to the guy. If this does not work definitely you have the right to sue.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm not the one being harassed. Trust me, he'd never try it.

    I advised S to read our employee handbook to make sure she follows proper protocol. I'm trying to help her build up her courage, but if boss so much as stands too close now she is in panic mode.

    I advised the other coworker not to attempt to report for now and explained to her why.

    But coworker and I both assured S we would back her up. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

    Starbie, I had to chuckle at your post. Boss man has no idea how close I am to doing something like that.
  11. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    My approach when this happened to me at work many years ago was to say (LOUDLY), "If you don't take your hand off my bum right now, it will become detached from your arm." When the odious man switched techniques and started making racist comments, I said, (LOUDLY), "For your sake I hope I mis-heard you. You are aware that <offensive term> means the same thing as <offensive term that starts with N> right?"

    He never bothered me again. And a month later, the same pestilence was fired for embezzling funds from the company.

    I hope S finds the backbone she needs to stand up to the offender at your work place. Life's way too short to have to put up with that nonsense.