Shari, how did it go last night?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by meowbunny, Mar 17, 2008.

  1. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and hoping you had a chance to talk to your husband and that something came of the discussion.
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Thanks for thinking of me. Now you can yell at me.

    I didn't get to talk to him last night. easy child and his girlfriend came home after husband got back from taking easy child 2 back to her mom's. easy child 1 had said last week he was watching a history channel show last night, and I had forgot. And difficult child couldn't sleep, so it was after 10 before I had a chance to talk to husband.

    However, it is not off the radar. easy child 1's girlfriend is on spring break this week and is watching difficult child 2 for me while he is also on spring break. My mom has my nephew this week so girlfriend is taking difficult child to my mom's for a couple of days to visit grandma and my nephew. So husband and I will have a couple nights without difficult child, surely we can get SOMETHING hashed out in that time. My plan is actually to put his butt in the car and DRIVE. Gas is expensive, but divorce is more.
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Wise woman.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Ahhhhhhhh - just don't do the difficult child kid on the hood like Fran did.

    Although if talking in the car hummmm
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Why not? I've got the hood, the 2x4, and my vet wrap. I figure one way or another, he's gonna hear me, anyway...

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Shari, GO FOR IT! Either he will let go, in which case you can say he was insistent on riding that way, OR he will listen when you finally unlock the doors and let him in! Again, KIDDING!!

    I find the captive audience thing to be helpful. If he tries to go to sleep on you, crank the stereo up LOUD on some music he will HATE.

    Gotta get their attention, don'tcha?

  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Well, we had our chat. Kinda.

    Got rid of difficult child 2, however, it was easy child's girlfriend that took him, so easy child spent the whole night hanging around the house wanting to hang out with me. grrr. But anyway, I went to bed early, told husband to follow, and he did.

    As has been the case, when I got home from work, I got groceries, put them away (he did offer to help carry in, but I had them all), fixed supper, did dishes, made difficult child 1 a coffee cake to send for his birthday, cleaned off the catch-all table, and did more laundry while husband sat in the recliner. When I brought jeans in out of the dryer, he did fold them.

    In a nutshell, I told him something's gonna give, and given my attitude of late, he's not likely to like what ends up giving. I told him I'm tired of being the hired hand instead of his partner and said it is not ok to continue to let me work myself into the ground while he sits in a chair in front of a screen. I asked him if he disagreed with anything I was saying, which he did not, and then asked what's going to be done about it. He says he's going to do more. Then added "except in here where you pile stuff that I don't know what to do with".

    I didn't bring up anything about Sunday or the funeral. I was tired and it was late. And I'm not sure the conversation made me feel much better. He did at least answer me this time, but not once did he say he was sorry or get specific about what he was going to do more of. And the "except" comment was another "here's why its not all my fault" statement In the past its been that the big boys don't do enough, or difficult child 2 doesn't do enough - this was an indirect stab at me, I'm certain. We have a very small house. 1100 sq feet MAYBE if you count the porch/laundry/mudroom. I've made it into 4 bedrooms. The house is over 110 years old, and we have one closet in the whole house. That said, our bedroom, which is large, also serves as the office and my sewing area and is where all laundry gets folded. husband's guns and hunting equipment is stored there, also. I have a table at the end of our bed that I sew on (when I sew) and after I finished the wedding dresses, it became a catch all (which is my fault). But the things it was catching were things like not yet unpacked bags from my neice's wedding reception, sheets that need to be put away, a bag of cards donated for the fundraiser auction and difficult child's school, laundry that needs to be hung instead of folded, etc etc etc - you get the idea -its not packed with mystery items. Meanwhile, aside from this table, there's a bag of clothes that husband doesn't want on the floor (to go to goodwill), a box of stuffed animals that goes to good will (or at least to the storage shed). There's also the living room, where HIS bag from my neice's wedding reception is still packed and sitting by his recliner, the rug has actual footprints on it from someone's muddy feet, his dog chewed up the turtle food container again and the plastic pieces and bits of turtle food are there, probably 5 pairs of husband's socks that he's taken off in the evening, stray launder that doesn't get picked up shoved under the couch, the endtable by his chair is stacked 6inches high and there's not even room to set a glass, and the just plain dirt around his chair where he comes in and just plops down with muddy boots and carharts will probably, seriously, fill a small flower pot. I filled a printer paper box with fishing reels, reel boxes, tools, etc that was on the kitchen table and the top of the refrigetor. His ex-brother in law borrowed his egg incubators and returned them in January. They're still on the porch, waiting to be taken outside. The clothes that he brought in out of his truck that weren't his (but were in his truck cause easy child 2 used them) are still in a pile on the porch. My point is, I guess, that the "piled" table a) isn't mystery items, and b) we're a long ways from the piled table being the only thing left to do (and c) I cleaned off the piled table last night before we even had this conversation and got all but 2 items put away - a mattress pad that doesn't fit our beds (going to good will) and my sketch pad and colored pencils).

    So we had a talk, but we have a long ways to go.

    So I still don't feel much better about the situation, other than he at least did say he needed to do more.