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Family of Origin
Sharing the very last time I will Sis break my heart.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 652639" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I believe this is true.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You would not do that to her, or to anyone else. Your life is full and happy (and sad, sometimes). That is the difference between you and your sister. I am sorry this happened to us. Just imagine if we had had the sisters we had convinced ourselves we had? How much fun and solidarity there must be in such families! </p><p></p><p>We have never had that.</p><p></p><p>We do not have it, now.</p><p></p><p>But now, we see.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think it is important for us to acknowledge and grieve, not only all the bad things and the crazy (and crazy-making) things we got, but all the wonderful, ego-nourishing times of celebration and stability we did not get.</p><p></p><p>We need to grieve for, and forgive, ourselves.</p><p></p><p>We were not able to change the nature of things, for our families of origin.</p><p></p><p>But that is okay. We battled courageously. Maybe, if we had known, we would not have tried, would not have believed in them, as wholeheartedly as we did.</p><p></p><p>(I can't believe a stranger (your sister) has been voyeurizing my posts for nefarious reasons.</p><p></p><p>Ew.</p><p></p><p>To the sister I would say: The degree of sharing here happens because, in the extremity of our pain, we are already open and vulnerable, one to another. You can not shame us, and we will not allow you to shame one of our own.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Probably you miss her. I miss my sister, too. But here is the thing: Neither of us ever had a sister. Not a real one, not one who loved us and who knew us. We have never been real to them.</p><p></p><p>And they have never been real to us. We have excused or taken the blame ourselves for ugliness upon ugliness, so we could love a sister that does not exist.</p><p></p><p>The person who did the ugly things.</p><p></p><p>That is our real sister.</p><p></p><p>I feel badly for us both.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think we love because we love. That is who you are. </p><p></p><p>In your secret heart?</p><p></p><p>You love your sister, too.</p><p></p><p>That is why we need to choose wise and wary.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, of course this is so.</p><p></p><p>It could not be otherwise.</p><p></p><p>It isn't like there is a toxic situation and only one person is twisted by it.</p><p></p><p>I just think you are the healthy one.</p><p></p><p>It is the sister, lying and conniving in the background and forever forming alliances against you, who seems not to be healthy.</p><p></p><p>It is like she is fixated on you.</p><p></p><p>Oh, wait. The doorbell on my pirate skirt is going off.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 652639, member: 17461"] I believe this is true. You would not do that to her, or to anyone else. Your life is full and happy (and sad, sometimes). That is the difference between you and your sister. I am sorry this happened to us. Just imagine if we had had the sisters we had convinced ourselves we had? How much fun and solidarity there must be in such families! We have never had that. We do not have it, now. But now, we see. I think it is important for us to acknowledge and grieve, not only all the bad things and the crazy (and crazy-making) things we got, but all the wonderful, ego-nourishing times of celebration and stability we did not get. We need to grieve for, and forgive, ourselves. We were not able to change the nature of things, for our families of origin. But that is okay. We battled courageously. Maybe, if we had known, we would not have tried, would not have believed in them, as wholeheartedly as we did. (I can't believe a stranger (your sister) has been voyeurizing my posts for nefarious reasons. Ew. To the sister I would say: The degree of sharing here happens because, in the extremity of our pain, we are already open and vulnerable, one to another. You can not shame us, and we will not allow you to shame one of our own. Probably you miss her. I miss my sister, too. But here is the thing: Neither of us ever had a sister. Not a real one, not one who loved us and who knew us. We have never been real to them. And they have never been real to us. We have excused or taken the blame ourselves for ugliness upon ugliness, so we could love a sister that does not exist. The person who did the ugly things. That is our real sister. I feel badly for us both. I think we love because we love. That is who you are. In your secret heart? You love your sister, too. That is why we need to choose wise and wary. Yes, of course this is so. It could not be otherwise. It isn't like there is a toxic situation and only one person is twisted by it. I just think you are the healthy one. It is the sister, lying and conniving in the background and forever forming alliances against you, who seems not to be healthy. It is like she is fixated on you. Oh, wait. The doorbell on my pirate skirt is going off. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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