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Sharing the very last time I will Sis break my heart.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 652650" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>First to Sven: My sister told her group I once told her about this site and she remembered. I wonder how many years she felt the need to stalk me here. I guess it's sad for her, not me.</p><p></p><p>To CrazyinVA: My Dad is used to it. And, yes, I don't want to have to hear about my father's ending from him.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, yes, she did stalk you. However, she may not have taken your posts to heart as she was not interested in you. She was trying to get "the dirt" on me. I have no idea why or how feelings and memories of past are dirt, but that is how she thinks. She was and still is, of course, seven years my junior and things were different for me and for her as we grew up. Plus she was the quiet one and I was the noisy one with the OBVIOUS mental health issues. Obliviously, anorexia is a mental health issue but it is a quiet disease, Sis was in college, and Mom either didn't notice or didn't care. Regarding Sis, having free sex is not a sign of health nor can two abortions aid your mental health. Who helped her set up her first abortion? Terrible, evil me of course. She was in college and Mom wasn't there. But, you know, all this is trite.</p><p></p><p>How sick is it to need to know the innermost thoughts of a sibling you claim to dislike so much? I honestly have not been following her life. I told my father I wouldn't listen to anything about her or bro.</p><p></p><p>Do I still love her? Cedar, this is hard for me. I don't know. IF so, it is love/hate. To call me evil? Does she know what evil means? Does she know that people are part good traits, part negative traits and mostly neutral traits. DId she forget I have a good heart? That I tried to help people who were struggling? That I adopted and fostered kids? That I save animals? That I volunteered in homeless shelters? Not blowing my horn, but, just like I got that lily label of "selfish" from FOO, evil is a black and white judgment of a borderline. I don't even think SHE is evil. Screwed up, yes. SElf-absorbed? OH YES. Does she make poor life decisions? Yes. Does she breech my own moral code? Well, the married man says it all. But she has fun days, sometimes shows a good heart, has a good sense of humor, is smart and can be nice to you if you one of the people she sees as "good." No, she isn't evil. My mother was close to what evil is, at least to me. THat is my experience. Sis can whine all day. I didn't abuse her. She abused me. From Day One. But was she evil? REally evll? No. To me she was hateful, but evil insinuates there is no good in you; that basically nobody can find any redemption in you. Her relationship with me was hateful, not evil, and certainly she had people who loved and liked her.</p><p></p><p>So...I have pondered...do I care if Sis keeps reading my thoughts?</p><p></p><p>No, I don't. That is her business, although I do feel she needs serious help if she can not stop herself and truly wants to stop herself.</p><p></p><p>Sis has accused me of having no boundaries because I got mad at her and friended some of her friends on FB and sent her abusive boyfriend some sort of message (I actually hoped he'd break it off with her. I was and still am convinced he is sick enough to klil her some day, but she is right...that was none of my business). But I admit I kind of chuckled as I friended her friends because she is no anal about FB. Was that wrong? Probably, although I did get a laugh out of it (secret giggle). If you are reading this, Sis, yes, I wish I had not gone there just as I wish you had not done what you did that I perceived as mean.</p><p></p><p>Was that an evil thing to do? No. It didn't hurt anyone. Just ticked sister off as she had ticked me off beforehand which is why I did it. We are clearly toxic to one another and should not speak or see one another, but neither of us comes close to "evil."</p><p></p><p>Cedar, I do think this has to do with Sissy's unhappy life. At the end of the day, she got a divorce to find somebody to love forever and ever. Yes, she is a bit of a magical thinker. Instead, she found a married man who was also a jerk and now an unmarried jerk and this has been going on for five years. Her kids are scattered all over. I don't get the feeling she is too close to any of them. She doesn't MAKE time to stay home with them. I remember once she ditched her daughter because "she just will want to be with boyfriend anyway" just so she could go out to spend the night with abusive boyfriend. She really has three nice, attractive, brilliant kids...yet, from my point of view and perhaps not hers, she put her boyfriend before them. Anyhow, when your life is off the rails, you need somebody else's life to feel alive at all and anger is an emotion that keeps one on her toys so again she feels alive.</p><p></p><p>When we heal together here, I think about my DNA collection. When I'm out in the world, I am free of toxic people. Sis is gone. Bro is gone. Mom is dead and gone. They are my toxic people.</p><p></p><p>Life is peaceful, serene and good in Wisconsin and I work hard every single day to keep it that way. After the surprise I got from Sis yesterday, I am feeling great after being with Junior this morning and feeling sorry for Sis and Bro. It is sad to me that he never had a live in relationship, although perhaps he is fine with it. I do know Sis is miserable and that's sad. She is doing it to herself by hanging onto her own personal hurts from the past and a boyfriend who will never change. And as much as I'd love to fix her, I can't. I did try. Finally I got too worn out hearing about abusive boyfriend and set a boundary: I won't talk to her about him anymore.</p><p></p><p>She said, "Then you can't talk to ME because he's a big part of my life."</p><p></p><p>I told her that was her decision.</p><p></p><p>She called me controlling.</p><p></p><p>A boundary is control. It's taking your power back and it does put limits on others. I see her point.</p><p></p><p>Never heard from her again and do not miss the endless saga of Abusive Boyfriend, her drinking friends who dropped her then embraced her again (kind of like karma), or anything about her. I did get to know her, although she thinks she hid herself. I'm very perceptive. The more I knew her, the less I respected her. Sorry, but the married man affair, which went on a long time and her callous attitude toward his wife, changed my thinking about her forever and it went down from there. She does not have a strong moral compass. If it furthers her needs, she does not think about how it will effect others. It took me a long time to realize this but once I did, I was emotionally gone. I started leaving before I left.</p><p></p><p>by the way, has anyone been diagnosed as "extreme" borderline and narcissistic by a teacher's assistant extraordinaire before?</p><p></p><p>Just wondering <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/3_4_103.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":coffeedrinker:" title="coffee drinker :coffeedrinker:" data-shortname=":coffeedrinker:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 652650, member: 1550"] First to Sven: My sister told her group I once told her about this site and she remembered. I wonder how many years she felt the need to stalk me here. I guess it's sad for her, not me. To CrazyinVA: My Dad is used to it. And, yes, I don't want to have to hear about my father's ending from him. Cedar, yes, she did stalk you. However, she may not have taken your posts to heart as she was not interested in you. She was trying to get "the dirt" on me. I have no idea why or how feelings and memories of past are dirt, but that is how she thinks. She was and still is, of course, seven years my junior and things were different for me and for her as we grew up. Plus she was the quiet one and I was the noisy one with the OBVIOUS mental health issues. Obliviously, anorexia is a mental health issue but it is a quiet disease, Sis was in college, and Mom either didn't notice or didn't care. Regarding Sis, having free sex is not a sign of health nor can two abortions aid your mental health. Who helped her set up her first abortion? Terrible, evil me of course. She was in college and Mom wasn't there. But, you know, all this is trite. How sick is it to need to know the innermost thoughts of a sibling you claim to dislike so much? I honestly have not been following her life. I told my father I wouldn't listen to anything about her or bro. Do I still love her? Cedar, this is hard for me. I don't know. IF so, it is love/hate. To call me evil? Does she know what evil means? Does she know that people are part good traits, part negative traits and mostly neutral traits. DId she forget I have a good heart? That I tried to help people who were struggling? That I adopted and fostered kids? That I save animals? That I volunteered in homeless shelters? Not blowing my horn, but, just like I got that lily label of "selfish" from FOO, evil is a black and white judgment of a borderline. I don't even think SHE is evil. Screwed up, yes. SElf-absorbed? OH YES. Does she make poor life decisions? Yes. Does she breech my own moral code? Well, the married man says it all. But she has fun days, sometimes shows a good heart, has a good sense of humor, is smart and can be nice to you if you one of the people she sees as "good." No, she isn't evil. My mother was close to what evil is, at least to me. THat is my experience. Sis can whine all day. I didn't abuse her. She abused me. From Day One. But was she evil? REally evll? No. To me she was hateful, but evil insinuates there is no good in you; that basically nobody can find any redemption in you. Her relationship with me was hateful, not evil, and certainly she had people who loved and liked her. So...I have pondered...do I care if Sis keeps reading my thoughts? No, I don't. That is her business, although I do feel she needs serious help if she can not stop herself and truly wants to stop herself. Sis has accused me of having no boundaries because I got mad at her and friended some of her friends on FB and sent her abusive boyfriend some sort of message (I actually hoped he'd break it off with her. I was and still am convinced he is sick enough to klil her some day, but she is right...that was none of my business). But I admit I kind of chuckled as I friended her friends because she is no anal about FB. Was that wrong? Probably, although I did get a laugh out of it (secret giggle). If you are reading this, Sis, yes, I wish I had not gone there just as I wish you had not done what you did that I perceived as mean. Was that an evil thing to do? No. It didn't hurt anyone. Just ticked sister off as she had ticked me off beforehand which is why I did it. We are clearly toxic to one another and should not speak or see one another, but neither of us comes close to "evil." Cedar, I do think this has to do with Sissy's unhappy life. At the end of the day, she got a divorce to find somebody to love forever and ever. Yes, she is a bit of a magical thinker. Instead, she found a married man who was also a jerk and now an unmarried jerk and this has been going on for five years. Her kids are scattered all over. I don't get the feeling she is too close to any of them. She doesn't MAKE time to stay home with them. I remember once she ditched her daughter because "she just will want to be with boyfriend anyway" just so she could go out to spend the night with abusive boyfriend. She really has three nice, attractive, brilliant kids...yet, from my point of view and perhaps not hers, she put her boyfriend before them. Anyhow, when your life is off the rails, you need somebody else's life to feel alive at all and anger is an emotion that keeps one on her toys so again she feels alive. When we heal together here, I think about my DNA collection. When I'm out in the world, I am free of toxic people. Sis is gone. Bro is gone. Mom is dead and gone. They are my toxic people. Life is peaceful, serene and good in Wisconsin and I work hard every single day to keep it that way. After the surprise I got from Sis yesterday, I am feeling great after being with Junior this morning and feeling sorry for Sis and Bro. It is sad to me that he never had a live in relationship, although perhaps he is fine with it. I do know Sis is miserable and that's sad. She is doing it to herself by hanging onto her own personal hurts from the past and a boyfriend who will never change. And as much as I'd love to fix her, I can't. I did try. Finally I got too worn out hearing about abusive boyfriend and set a boundary: I won't talk to her about him anymore. She said, "Then you can't talk to ME because he's a big part of my life." I told her that was her decision. She called me controlling. A boundary is control. It's taking your power back and it does put limits on others. I see her point. Never heard from her again and do not miss the endless saga of Abusive Boyfriend, her drinking friends who dropped her then embraced her again (kind of like karma), or anything about her. I did get to know her, although she thinks she hid herself. I'm very perceptive. The more I knew her, the less I respected her. Sorry, but the married man affair, which went on a long time and her callous attitude toward his wife, changed my thinking about her forever and it went down from there. She does not have a strong moral compass. If it furthers her needs, she does not think about how it will effect others. It took me a long time to realize this but once I did, I was emotionally gone. I started leaving before I left. by the way, has anyone been diagnosed as "extreme" borderline and narcissistic by a teacher's assistant extraordinaire before? Just wondering :coffeedrinker: [/QUOTE]
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Sharing the very last time I will Sis break my heart.
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