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Sharing thoughts....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 623086" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>It is one thing to share thoughts. It is another to go into detail about how what we use doesn't work. That's arguing, not sharing. I do not need to hear from others that they don't like my ideas that have helped me greatly. I would prefer to stick to helping ourselves survive our difficult children.</p><p>There is a fine line between shooting down things that help us, and offering alternatives, and plain arguing to stir the pot.</p><p>I love this group of ladies. To me, the wisdom of Recovering Enabler, Scent of Cedar, Child of Mine (a newbie but what a SMART lady...far ahead of me), Witzend and so many more have given clarity and sense to my sometimes crazy life. I do not need an alternative way of handling this and if I do, I will certainly reach out to my friends and ask for it.</p><p>I don't really care what research says as I doubt very much that anyone can get a good sample of a variety of people going through this horrible walk. Most of us do not share with researches and very few people even know of our plights. What I read is mostly the experiences of other parents who have lived through it. I prefer real life advice to theory, which is why I value the members here. They "get" me (most do) and have not condemned me and I have honestly told more about my life here than I have told even some close friends and relatives and certainly no researcher has ever heard what has happened in our house.</p><p>Yet what my husband and I did has worked, regardless of research.</p><p>I see this as a support group, not a place to debate semantics of words.</p><p>I also believe we all love our children as much as one another and that each of us is valid in what we do to help both our difficult children and ourselves. I do not think that my ideas are better than anyone else's and I am not interested in hearing that my ideas are thought of to be worse than somebody else's.</p><p>I can not say we all feel this way, but lately I feel like this is more like a debate forum, which saddens me because we were having some really good discussions from detachment (sorry, I like the word and what it means to me) and enabling (ditto) to Buddhism and meditation and exercising and what we do to make it another day.</p><p></p><p>I hope the board goes back to it's purpose, being supportive of one another without criticising somebody else's chosen path.</p><p></p><p>All of you have taught me so much. Literally, without this board, I do not know how I would have manged to handle my own emotions when 36 went through his custody battle. I also felt safe enough to share many horrible instances that shame me because they happened in my family. Please...I don't ever want to feel embarassed or ashamed for what I've shared or for what I may want to share. None of us should feel that way.</p><p></p><p>This is a safe place to land, right?</p><p></p><p>Thank you, my friends, for letting me learn from your wisdom. And I know I will keep on learning.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 623086, member: 1550"] It is one thing to share thoughts. It is another to go into detail about how what we use doesn't work. That's arguing, not sharing. I do not need to hear from others that they don't like my ideas that have helped me greatly. I would prefer to stick to helping ourselves survive our difficult children. There is a fine line between shooting down things that help us, and offering alternatives, and plain arguing to stir the pot. I love this group of ladies. To me, the wisdom of Recovering Enabler, Scent of Cedar, Child of Mine (a newbie but what a SMART lady...far ahead of me), Witzend and so many more have given clarity and sense to my sometimes crazy life. I do not need an alternative way of handling this and if I do, I will certainly reach out to my friends and ask for it. I don't really care what research says as I doubt very much that anyone can get a good sample of a variety of people going through this horrible walk. Most of us do not share with researches and very few people even know of our plights. What I read is mostly the experiences of other parents who have lived through it. I prefer real life advice to theory, which is why I value the members here. They "get" me (most do) and have not condemned me and I have honestly told more about my life here than I have told even some close friends and relatives and certainly no researcher has ever heard what has happened in our house. Yet what my husband and I did has worked, regardless of research. I see this as a support group, not a place to debate semantics of words. I also believe we all love our children as much as one another and that each of us is valid in what we do to help both our difficult children and ourselves. I do not think that my ideas are better than anyone else's and I am not interested in hearing that my ideas are thought of to be worse than somebody else's. I can not say we all feel this way, but lately I feel like this is more like a debate forum, which saddens me because we were having some really good discussions from detachment (sorry, I like the word and what it means to me) and enabling (ditto) to Buddhism and meditation and exercising and what we do to make it another day. I hope the board goes back to it's purpose, being supportive of one another without criticising somebody else's chosen path. All of you have taught me so much. Literally, without this board, I do not know how I would have manged to handle my own emotions when 36 went through his custody battle. I also felt safe enough to share many horrible instances that shame me because they happened in my family. Please...I don't ever want to feel embarassed or ashamed for what I've shared or for what I may want to share. None of us should feel that way. This is a safe place to land, right? Thank you, my friends, for letting me learn from your wisdom. And I know I will keep on learning. [/QUOTE]
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