She finally called, more abuse!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bran155, Jan 9, 2009.

  1. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Hello all, I hope everyone is having a better day than me!!!

    My daughter finally called this morning. She called my sister's cell phone, she put money on the phone account so that my daughter can get through. They moved her from the psychiatric ward to the hospital??? Not really sure what that means or what the difference is. I though maybe they put her in the County Hospital but no she said she is in the jail hospital. I thought that's what the psychiatric ward was. I don't know, I am confused.

    Anyway she called and gave my poor sister hell. She was cursing and ranting and raving. Telling my sister we need to get her out of there. She was furious that her lawyer waived her appearance in court and she didn't get to actually see the judge. In her twisted mind she really though she was going to be released!!! She hasn't learned a darn thing. Still blaming us for her life. She was saying to my sister that we don't do s**t for her!!! WHAT???? We have done more for this kid than our other kids 10 fold. She is a piece of work that's for sure. Nothing new. We knew that was coming. She kept saying that me and my sister are b***hes. She said that it is our fault she is in there. Of course she will not take any blame or responsibility for HER actions. Some things never change. I am not surprised by this, it is exactly what I expected. She told my sister that when she gets out she is leaving and we will never see her again. Aaah, the familiar emotional blackmail. See right through it!!! She actually thinks that we are going to bail her out. My sister told her we will not, we do not have that kind of money and even if we did, we wouldn't bail her out. She told her she needs to deal with her consequences. Good for my sister!!!! She kept on cursing at my sister. My sister warned her, "Stop cursing at me or I am hanging up". She kept on and my sister hung up. Go sis!!!!

    It truly amazes me that she has zero accountability in all of this nonsense. She has soooooo much growing up to do. How dare her say we haven't done anything for her. In the past year, no we haven't done much for her. Tough love. She didn't deserve anything. I was hoping she would see that her behavior was what caused us to pull back. But no. She doesn't see that. Instead of changing her behavior to earn things from us she chose to sell drugs and steel. Before this past year we did everything for her. Her selective memory allows her to forget all that we have done for her and all that we have been through for her. Can you say SELFISH??? The most self absorbed human being I have ever known. Quite sad actually.

    She will be calling later so that she can get me on the phone and give me some of the hell. I am dreading that phone call. Truthfully though, it is easier on me emotionally when she is cursing at me, then I don't feel so bad that she is where she is. The harder phone calls are the ones where she is crying and begging me to help her. Those I can't handle. The cursing, peice of cake. I don't like it but anger is a much easier emotion to handle than sadness and guilt. When she does begin her attack I will give her a warning or two and then hang up as well. Can't wait!!!

    I'll let you know how it goes.

    Thanks for listening.

    Shawna :)
  2. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    You are so strong. I don't know if I could do that. Good for you.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That does sound wierd about the psychiatric hospital- it might be a good thing though if she is in one. Is she starting medications now? You're handling things well, I hope you can see all this as confirmation that you've done the best things for her- handling things the way you have, I mean.

    Did you know your sister was going to put money in difficult child's account? She might figure out why you haven't been doing it very quickly after that phone call from difficult child.
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I wonder if she were stable and medications were working whether she would finally "get it" and see what she's doing to sabotage her life. I have to think that so much of the caustic crud spewing out of her is directly due to her illness and instability. It doesn't excuse the verbal abuse, just maybe explains it.

    I'm so sorry she's been such a torment in your life. I really hope the jail hospital is able to straighten out her medications so she can maybe straighten out her life. If she doesn't stay compliant, though, she'll never get out of the "system." Hopefully the powers-that-be understand that and will build in some safeguards as part of her rehabilitation.

  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Shawna, I'm so glad to hear that you and your sister are staying detached and not buying into difficult child's drama.

    As for the phone call, there's no law that says you have to answer the phone. If you know your daughter will heap abuse on you when she does call, then just don't answer. You have no reason to put up with that.

    I do hope that the jail hospital is able to get your difficult child stable on medications so that she can gain some insight into her role in the life she's leading now.

    Until then, stay strong.

    Sending many hugs,
  6. Rotsne

    Rotsne Banned

    Could they have started her up on new medication? I would investigate it. Some medication takes up to 6 weeks before it works fully.

    Maybe that's why she claims that she has been moved to a hospital.

    As for her not knowing how serious her situation is you have to remember that she according to previous posts have been 3 Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s and the juvie. She is with other word what most would call institutionalized. She is used to the structure in such places where most of us would be very scared if we were there.

    There is nothing left the society can scare her with in order to keep her in line.

    At some time she will stop up and realize that it is time to turn her life into another direction, but it can take years. An organisation, which interviewed inmates who were sentenced to life without parole when they were teenagers brought an article where some of them told that they were in their mid-twenties before they realized what they were throwing away and then of course it was too late.

    You have to pray that happens sooner with your daughter. I would certainly pray for it.

    However, if they suddenly decide to release her before she sees the light and she turns up at your doorstep have a backpack and a Greyhound ticket ready for you. If she truely believe that you destroyed her life the best gift would properly be a ticket to a new life far away where she can create a life she wants to live.

    I hope that they are trying to find the right medication for her and that why they have moved her. Ignorer her ranting. If they are experimenting with new medication it is a confuse mind who are saying such things.

    I pray that her condition would be better. ((hugs))
  7. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thank you guys for the words of wisdom and understanding. I agree that she must be stabilized before any of this can really sink in. She is not even getting the severity of jail. If she was stable she would be much more aware of how bad things have gotten. Maybe she would even be able to see her role in her own downfall. She is taking Geodon, am and pm, not enough, by far!!! The jail does not have the right to force medication on her so she is only taking what she is willing to take. She has always like Geodon, says it puts her in a good mood. She needs much more than a good mood. It is truly out of my hands. The last time she was in there, a couple of months ago, before she went missing, I spoke to the psychologist regarding her medications. She said unfortunately they cannot mandate her to take her medications, it must be voluntary. So she will only take what she wants to. The chances of them being able to actually stabilize her are slim to none. At this point her progress can only come from her. She has to want to do better in order to actually get better.

    My sister and I agreed that we would put money on the account today. We also agreed that if she started in on us we would give her a warning then hang up the phone. I just got off the phone with my sister and she told me during the conversation with my daughter she told my sister "Get me a lawyer I am suing the police department, I almost died in that cell, I had a headache and they wouldn't give me anything" God forgive me but I was cracking up when my sister told me that. I can just picture the dramatics!!! She is funny, I will give her that.

    I can only hope that we do get into this new court and that she will be mandated to some sort of adult facility. I will request that. That would ideal. She has that option now through the Family Court. They will pay for her to continue treatment in an independent living situation, however it would be on a voluntary basis and my daughter won't do it. I am so hoping that this new court will mandate it so that she has no choice. I am still waiting for the lawyer to call.........Hopefully this year!!!!! :)
  8. bran155

    bran155 Guest


    I agree, I do believe on some level she is institutionalized. That would explain why she is not scared of such places. She needs that structure, she is used to it. She has been in plenty of facilities and truthfully I have only seen improvement once. While she was in the last Residential Treatment Center (RTC), in MA, she had a 6 month run of stability. She did really well. Then her therapist left to work elsewhere and it went downhill from there. That is the worst part, the turnover in these places is horrible for these kids. But what can you do?

    Thanks for the hugs!! :)