She has got to GO!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bran155, Feb 2, 2009.

  1. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    She is driving me nuts!!! I cannot wait for that magic number. I cannot wait until she is 18. I want her out. She has been horrible. Cursing at me, threatening me, demanding and oh so entitled. I wish she would just pack and go now. It is the same old thing around here. She walks around here as if she were the queen and we all owe her. Like we are living in her house. She got so angry at me today because I did something to the computer and we couldn't get online. Major disaster for her, as if it were her computer. Stomping around, calling me names and demanding I fix it. I basically just ignored her.

    Then I am in the bathroom and I over hear her phone conversation. The things she said I couldn't even sugar coat to post it here. It was just too disgusting. She has no respect for herself whatsoever. It makes me sick!!!

    Then I am in the bedroom laying down with my son watching a movie and I hear her in the kitchen, I ask her what she is doing. She says nothing. I get up to find her in the cabinet going through all of the medicine bottles. She has one in her hand. Naproxen, it's an old bottle that my sister had used for her back. She thought she was going to get high from that. She thought they were pain killers!!! I now have to hide all of the medications in the house.

    Now, she is in the hallway right now freaking out. It is 1 am and she is having a fit. Because she got dressed and thought she was going out. I told her if she left I would lock the door and call the DA tomorrow and report her. She cursed me out, called me a xxxxxxxxxx among other things walked out the door and then came right back. She is now in the hallway waking the house up ranting and raving in her ever so educated ghetto slang. Saying horrible things. My sister is aggrevated and I am just so done with her. I don't even care what she says to me anymore. The horrible things she says don't even hurt my feelings anymore. I just can't stand her. I cannot wait until I have the legal right to throw her out!!! I should have told the DA that I absolutely could not take her home. There is not one thing that I like about her. She is someone that I would not want to know if she wasn't my daughter. I know that sounds horrible but it is the absolute truth. I don't have an ounce of empathy left in me to give her. I just don't want to deal with this. It was so nice and peaceful when she was in jail. UURRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Calgon take me away..........
    Lasted edited by : Feb 3, 2009
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Part of me is thinking, you should have let her take the Naproxen. She wouldn't get high, she would more likely get vomiting and abdominal pain, enough for you to call an ambulance and get her to hospital where maybe they might do something, for an overdose of NSAIDS.

    Lock up all medications, lock up all valuables, lock up anything you don't want her to get into. You did a good thing locking up the computer (even if you didn't mean to).

    I'm trying to work out what she called you; if it's what I think it is, it just doesn't make sense. it's like a 3 year old trying to shock an adult by stringing together all the rude words she can think of into one nonsensical statement ("poo bum wee"), as if you haven't heard them before.

    THis is not your daughter. This is some alien creature who has refused to take the required medications and who has insted self-medicated with drugs. This is someone who will stop at nothing to get what she wants, which is HER wants satisfied at all costs and with absolutely no conscience. THis is not your daughter.

    Your daughter is somewhere in there, but totally captive to this alien creature. Until the alien creature agrees voluntarily to take what is prescribed for her, and not what is prescribed for other people or even not prescribed for anyone, there is little you can do. You shouldn't have to live like this, your family should be safe and not have to endure this.

    Roll on 18. Until then - grit your teeth and detach. Batten down the hatches, lock stuff away and keep yourselves safe from the Alien Within. Hugs, this is horrible for you.

  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aww Bran,
    You need and so deserve a break from all of this! I'm sorry that she is disrupting your lives so much. I wish you could escape to an island for at least one quiet month. The kind where they wait on you hand and foot! Gentle hugs and prayers.
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry. It's a horrible way to live, and to feel so trapped.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. What would happen if she left one night and you just let her go and didn't call the DA. Just packed her stuff up and left it on the porch the day she turns 18, but kept the house locked until then?

    Maybe that is mean. I agree with Marg that your daughter is held captive inside that drug abusing alien, but there is only so much you can take. And only so much your son should have to take.

    You have my hugs and support, whatever you do.

  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Just wanted to say that I'm praying for you...hope you get through this OK.

  7. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I would concur with this. Let her go and don't call. It is just not worth the trauma to you and your family. Until she, herself, becomes invested in getting better, you are the one that is miserable and pays the price.

    I'm so sorry. I understand your angry feelings.
  8. AnnMarieTN

    AnnMarieTN New Member

    I am so sorry. ((hugs))

    I can't remember. Is she on probation? My son is on probation and can go back to the detention facility for assaultive behavior. His PO told him that wasn't just physical stuff. He said that if I called the PO and told him that my son was in my face yelling at me, that would be considered assaultive and he would go back to the detention facility.

    I will keep you in my prayers.
  9. Wishing

    Wishing New Member

    I don't have any answers but sad to say I truly understand as I have to deal with the exact same behaviors with my difficult child son.
    Many hugs and I hope for at least part of the day you can be away from her. My difficult child since he turned 18 has decided to stop taking his medications so we have a lot of drama here. I agree this is not your daughter with all her mental strength functioning. This is her needing to have a re-evaluation.
  10. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thank you guys.

    My daughter is not really on probation, she is on TASK. We meet the TASK officer on Friday. It really just oversees her mental health treatment, she must comply with therapy and medications. The TASK officer checks in with her therapist weekly to make sure she is doing what she is supposed to. If not that gets reported back to the judge and she goes back to jail.

    I would love to let her leave now, however until she is 18 I am legally responsible for her. The DA released her to me so I can't let her go. If she ran on her own that would be a different story. Bye Bye!!! After she turns 18 I will no longer be obligated to report her as she will be an adult. Can't wait!!!

    The last time she hit me, punched me right in the face, I called the police and wanted to press charges on her for assaulting me and I wanted her taken out of my home that very instant. The cops told me that because she was still under age, they couldn't arrest her, it would be just a domestic dispute. My husband and I actually argued with the cop, to no avail. I think they were just being lazy and did not want to go through the arrest process. If she hits me again and they do nothing I will demand a superior and demand to press charges on her!!!! I almost wish she would hit me, but this time I want her to break my nose or something so that I have a visible injury.

    Marg, as always your words are so wise. I know that she is not really herself. That is the sad part. I have come a long way though and I refuse to make excuses for her anymore. She does have an illness but she doesn't have to live this way. I no longer allow my empathy for her to navigate how I am going to react to her behaviors. In fact, I think I am all out of empathy!!!

    Thanks for the support. I swear I got most of my strenght from all of you!! :)
  11. I am so sorry! This has got to be so hard for you. As others have said: detach, detach, detach.
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I think you should -

    a.) Send her to Auntie Stars home for potty mouthed children. Gosh the fun we would have.

    b.) You and husband grab her arms (one on each side) and escort her to the bottom of the road.

    I'm serious -
  13. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Kjs - my point wasn't to get you to make allowances for her, not at all. Only to help you detach more from this creature taking over your life. You absolutely should not make allowances or give way where it's going to cause you or your family to be in harm's way. Feel free to intensely dislike this creature but still love your daughter.

    I'm just horrified that they say they can't press charges because she's under 18 - in our area, when difficult child 3 was attacked by some local kids, we were told that if the kids had been over 10 years old they could have pressed charges.

    She's been released to you and is supposed to be on this system that ensures she's on her medications and complying with treatment - she doesn't sound very compliant to me, so what can they do about it if she isn't? She's being disrespectful, she's going through stuff looking for some drugs she can abuse, she's being verbally abusive - can't they do anything? This doesn't sound like compliance.

    A suggestion (don't know how much help it will be) - keep a diary of what she is doing (the Naproxen raid, the wanting to go out at 1 am, the waking everyone in the house with abuse, the whole bit) and ask the TASK officer on Friday just how much you're supposed to put up with and what you should do in the event she does this again. Because to have her behave this way in the house is dangerous to your son, it is deliberately (by the court) putting a minor in danger and in an abusive environment, which is fine once difficult child is gone. In other words, by putting difficult child back home, the court system has created an intolerable situation which is damaging your son. OK, it's damaging the rest of you too, but if any parent took a child to stay in a house with this sort of stuff going on, we'd be having to "please explain" to CPS. So why is the court system immune?

    However, before you actually run that line, do check with people who live in your area, I'm working from knowledge of the Aussie system, not the US system.

    Are you planning an emancipation party for when she turns 18? Something on the scale of Sydney's New Year's Eve fireworks...

  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. I would call the TASK person today and tell them all that has gone on. And keeping a diary of events is CRUCIAL.

    I do agree with-Marg that by sending her to your home the court created a situation that is harming your son. Make that argument to your TASK officer and see if you can't get her sent back until her birthday when she is free to go where she wants.

    It is just a thought. Total support going out to you whatever you do!
  15. DenitaS

    DenitaS New Member

    I Can SO relate to your situation!! Our 17 yo difficult child moved out again and it is WONDERFULLY peaceful here! She called yesterday to come home I told her no, that if she couldn't make her own arrangements I would be more then happy to set up foster for her! (I did end up paying one month of her "rent" and told her that was the ONE AND ONLY time I would be doing it!) She has no desire to go to foster so she is pretty resourceful when she has to be!!!
    I am not having it any more! Period!! This is a perfect chance to practice detaching!;)
  16. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Marg, I know you weren't saying to make allowances for her. Maybe I should have worded it differently. I was just venting a bit. Of all people I would never think you were making excuses for her!!! NO, NO, NO, if anything you have helped me tremendously to detach. You always give me such great advice. You keep me strong!! :) Thanks for that link. I was actually researching how to emancipate her. As far as I can see, NY does not have emancipation laws!!! Great!!! I will look into that link though.

    Auntie Star, send me your address and I'll be there as soon as I can. Can I come in for a cup of coffee? lol And NO TAKE BACKS!!!! :)

    Thank you guys for supporting me. I am telling ya, I love this place and all of you. Even though we are only talking through a computer, I really feel as though we form bonds here. You all are such wonderful people, such great friends!!! :)

    I am so frustrated with what the court did. They sent her back here only to repeat the same mistakes. They gave her a shot the last time they sent her home to me and she only ended up punching me in the face and then running away. Why on earth would they think this time would be any different? The 16th can't come fast enough. In the meantime, detach, detach, detach!!!! Either that or drink, drink, drink!!!! lol
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Why not detach, drink, detach, drink, detach, drink, detach?

    Ok, just kidding, you have the little guy to stay sober for. But you could have a party on the 17th after she is gone?

    Well, wasn't that my mean side coming out! I just hate the toll she has taken on you and your marriage and your other child and the rest of your family. Mental illness is just horrible!!

    Know we are here when you need us, and keep venting!
  18. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Geez, Bran, I so feel ya...I'm sorry you're so strung out.

    B will be 18 in Nov, but I had him emancipated. So, he's legally out of my hands. We brought him home only a week ago tomorrow - and I'm giving him 48 hours to shape up or he's out.

    It's exhausting. It's to the point here that even if B is good, we're worrying about the next stupid thing he's gonna do before it happens LOL!

    I think he'll wind up going to live with friends, and that's OK with me. I really, truly, honestly don't give a s**t. He can call when he can - and if he wants to.

    Hope things get easier, FAST.
  19. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Bran, it's OK, you didn't upset me or anything, I was just worried you might have misunderstood me.

    About the link - it's nothing terribly helpful I'm afraid, just something to cheer you up when 16th comes around, maybe you and Susie & I (and anyone else who wants to help celebrate with you) can stand there (metaphorically) and watch and celebrate together...

    One day your daughter will come home and you will be glad to see her. It has happened that way for others on this site, just hold that thought. Until that day comes - this alien creature would even give Sigourney Weaver a run for her money, and you haven't got all those SFX to help you out.

    Hang in there, hon.

  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm watching the calendar right there with-you, Bran.
    So sorry.