She landed in California.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jody, Aug 12, 2013.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    My difficult child has gone to live with her Aunt on her father's side in California. She caught her flight today and just arrived this evening. She was full of tears at leaving and kept telling me how much she loved me. I just didn't have any tears. I felt horrible, but I kept looking at my arm, and it is just so messed up from her. I still had anger, but I also had forgiveness. I miss what kind of relationship, I wished that I could have with her. I miss the good times with her. I did cry when she pulled off with her sister to go to the airport. I cried cause she has to leave, I cried because it shouldn't be this way. I cried because I am thankful for this opportunity for her. I am thankful that I don't have to be scared, or be taunted and cursed at anymore. it hurts that I won't see her much for a long while. it's no joke, sending your kid away, is not easy, but it is the best for both of us. I want to sob outright and I want to know why she couldn't behave with me, if she loved me so much? While our situation is different from what went on when I was a kid. I had a very abusive mother and I wanted to move somewhere but for appearance sake she wouldn't allow it. She needed me there for one thing to take all of her frustrations out on. Many people offered to take me when they saw how she treated me but she wouldn't let me go, and it was awful. Despite all of that I was a loving mother and always tried to be fair with my kids. Now it's time for me to let go, but it's hard she's only 15, and this is not what I expected.
  2. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    Hugs for your weary heart! Go have yourself a good cry and come back here often to the people that understand your situation. You are both very fortunate that she had other living options. :consoling:
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jody, I'm going to be honest - I have a relationship with my daugher that I always wished I would have had with my mother - even better than I dreamed really. Not to push that in your face, but to let you know I understand the desire to do it differently.

    Having said that, the courage and strength it took for you "let go" is amazing. What you have done is put your feelings and expectations aside to do what is best for all in the long run. I predict that this is going to really make a big difference. The distance will eventually make your memories of the trouble fade a little bit. The anticipation of speaking with her, and her with you, will probably make it that negative talk is set aside and the "how are you doing?" and "I miss you" replacements.

    On the other side of this time of pain and struggle I bet the two of you come out with a great relationship as she matures.

    Take the time to build yourself back up comfortable knowing you are a great mother who has made a decision that will serve to preserve a relationship that could have been irrevocably damaged had this change not happened. Spend some time repairing your heart.

  4. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I understand your tears, but as hard as this was for your to do, this was the best thing for everyone right now. You will get a break and will no longer have to be afraid or abused in your own home. She will have a chance to mature and grow without the mother/daughter tensions that have been going on. I hope that she takes this for what it is: a second chance at having some happy teenaged years while she gets a chance to grow into a young woman.

    Enjoy your freedom.
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

  6. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Her Aunt said she talked and seemed real comfortable with everyone right away. She loves her room and her Aunt has a palm tree in her front yard. She is getting a new phone today. She is very excited about that, and the phone is given because she is getting a brand new fresh start. She's been given rules and if she breaks them phone is taken away. Today she goes to visit her new school and see what it is like and then off to visit cousins. I am at work, feel like I am hung over without any of the fun of drinking, but looking forward to getting myhouse in order and it staying that way. Thank you for all of the encourgement.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I woke up thinking of you last night, Jody. This is such a huge day for you and I really do believe you should scream, cry, sob, sleep, laugh....whatever you are feeling you should go with it so you can start off with a clean slate. by the way, do remember that there is a chance she may call begging to come home shortly after she gets there. Be prepared. Write down what you should say if that happens and keep it by the phone. I truly hope and pray that this is a win/win. DDD
  8. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I let her know about the homesickeness that is about to come. She was very upset about leaving me. She told her sister which really irritated her sister, that she should check in more often, and see if Mom needs anything. She said she is too far away to do anything to help and easy child will have to do it from now on. easy child was ticked, she said you hit mom and worry about me checking in on her. Oh boy that didnt go over well, but they made up and forgave. I told them I am a grown 46 year old woman who has lived on her own since I was 17 minus raising kids and I think that I can do it. lol. Thanks DDD for thinking of me.
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jody, I moved my difficult child to her dads for a year. Hardest thing ever! Best thing ever! I don't know what she would say today with years of maturing under her belt. But, I can tell you we have a good relationship! She is a good girl and appreciates what I have done for her. Seeing a stark difference to parenting styles sure did open up my difficult children eyes! Vshe honeymooned for almost 6 months of that year. We ended up splitting her time 50/50 at each house to give her a break from both worlds. Every other week....but we were only miles away.
    Just wanted you to know it can help! The moving idea, can help.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, Jody.
  11. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Sending Hugs!!!Rabbit