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She stole $13,000
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<blockquote data-quote="Stealing" data-source="post: 704263" data-attributes="member: 21136"><p>Thank you everyone again for your replies. </p><p></p><p>Copabanana - My girlfriend is also from a different culture. I'm a white American born and raised man. She's a Korean woman, and so is her family obviously. We do have cultural differences and often have to understand each others differences, so I appreciate your input. I think in this situation it's less of a cultural thing, unfortunately, and more of a desperation thing. She dug her own hole and now has to deal with it... but I plan on sitting her down this weekend and talking to her about the situation and I'll see if there is any cultural difference maybe I'm overlooking. As far as I've been told by her, she says her mom doesn't know - but I don't know exactly what she means: Her mom doesn't know she "borrowed" (stole) money at all, or her mom doesn't know to what extent she "borrowed" money, as in, the entire account. I need some clarification on this before I move forward. Even though her mom doesn't earn much, she's pretty nice about giving her daughters some money and assistance when she can, so it could be possible her mom said it was OK to use a little bit of it - but then my girlfriend got carried away (still wrong and illegal). I just read your last post - I think I also need to find out if it was a joint account or whether it was simply an account with her mothers name that she took from. This does make a big difference in criminality vs. morality. </p><p></p><p>Kalahou - Thank you for your input, yes, I too have been thinking about how she can replace the money ASAP. I personally do not feel like I can give her the money as I'd like to be as detached from the situation as possible (as many others have mentioned, for the safety of my job). However, I will definitely push her in the direction of looking at loans, peer to peer lending, or even some of her friends who are well off that might be willing to help her with a contract in place. </p><p></p><p>Susiestar - She is definitely panicking and tearing up inside. I'm not going to say it isn't her fault, but it is causing her a lot of anxiety. Out of a stroke of luck, her mom of her own accord decided that she wanted one of her daughters to open an account in their name instead of taking her money and opening a new account under her name - so the immediate problem of her mom asking for her money is now gone. My girlfriend said she will have her sister open the account so she won't have access to it, and she'll start paying her sister the money to put into the account so she has accountability and no access to the funds inside. Thank you for your suggestion of the gift - in fact, my girlfriend is always looking for books like that. She would probably like that, actually. I'll look into getting that for her.</p><p></p><p>AppleCori - I agree with everything you wrote. I feel like my role in this is to just inform her of the legal consequences and then sit back and see what she does. You're right; knights in armor aren't real. You can never "fix" someone unless they want to be fixed - and then you're not the one fixing them at all, they are.</p><p></p><p>Whether or not her and I stay together, I feel like I need to sit her down and talk to her about it. She already agreed to talk about it this weekend with me when I'll see her. I think I need to inform her of the legal consequences - as someone mentioned, although unlikely (due to this being a family issue, and most families wouldn't press charges), if they did ... well, this <em>would</em> be considered a class 2 felony most likely since it's over 10 grand if she stole from her mom's account and it wasn't joint. That carries a sentence of 3-7 years here, plus a likely $25,000 fine AND restitution of the original amount stolen. Maybe if I put it into perspective like that for her, she might understand the weight of the situation.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes it's easy for us as humans to not understand the weight of our deeds. I see it everyday. People don't understand the severity of the crimes they commit until the reality hits them (in fact, a lot of people don't even realize they committed a crime.) One thing is for certain... I have been in the jails, around them, etc. It is not a place I would wish on my worst enemy let alone someone I love and care about regardless of the crime they committed. Although it sounds simple and clean cut to tell her mom and run - well, that's a bad and possibly dangerous situation too. Sometimes even people who are normally calm and non-violent can become enraged and/or make rash decisions with situations like this, and I don't see the need for that. My training has taught me to de-escalate situations and solve problems rather than flame the fire. Sometimes that means finding a solution to the problem by thinking outside the box even if it's not the most conventional process. </p><p></p><p>So I will talk to her, and try to giver her some help and advice. Where she decides to take it from there is going to be up to her entirely. Whether her and I continue on will depend on how our conversation goes, and whether I can continue with it on my mind. One thing is certain, I need to see her make restitution.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Stealing, post: 704263, member: 21136"] Thank you everyone again for your replies. Copabanana - My girlfriend is also from a different culture. I'm a white American born and raised man. She's a Korean woman, and so is her family obviously. We do have cultural differences and often have to understand each others differences, so I appreciate your input. I think in this situation it's less of a cultural thing, unfortunately, and more of a desperation thing. She dug her own hole and now has to deal with it... but I plan on sitting her down this weekend and talking to her about the situation and I'll see if there is any cultural difference maybe I'm overlooking. As far as I've been told by her, she says her mom doesn't know - but I don't know exactly what she means: Her mom doesn't know she "borrowed" (stole) money at all, or her mom doesn't know to what extent she "borrowed" money, as in, the entire account. I need some clarification on this before I move forward. Even though her mom doesn't earn much, she's pretty nice about giving her daughters some money and assistance when she can, so it could be possible her mom said it was OK to use a little bit of it - but then my girlfriend got carried away (still wrong and illegal). I just read your last post - I think I also need to find out if it was a joint account or whether it was simply an account with her mothers name that she took from. This does make a big difference in criminality vs. morality. Kalahou - Thank you for your input, yes, I too have been thinking about how she can replace the money ASAP. I personally do not feel like I can give her the money as I'd like to be as detached from the situation as possible (as many others have mentioned, for the safety of my job). However, I will definitely push her in the direction of looking at loans, peer to peer lending, or even some of her friends who are well off that might be willing to help her with a contract in place. Susiestar - She is definitely panicking and tearing up inside. I'm not going to say it isn't her fault, but it is causing her a lot of anxiety. Out of a stroke of luck, her mom of her own accord decided that she wanted one of her daughters to open an account in their name instead of taking her money and opening a new account under her name - so the immediate problem of her mom asking for her money is now gone. My girlfriend said she will have her sister open the account so she won't have access to it, and she'll start paying her sister the money to put into the account so she has accountability and no access to the funds inside. Thank you for your suggestion of the gift - in fact, my girlfriend is always looking for books like that. She would probably like that, actually. I'll look into getting that for her. AppleCori - I agree with everything you wrote. I feel like my role in this is to just inform her of the legal consequences and then sit back and see what she does. You're right; knights in armor aren't real. You can never "fix" someone unless they want to be fixed - and then you're not the one fixing them at all, they are. Whether or not her and I stay together, I feel like I need to sit her down and talk to her about it. She already agreed to talk about it this weekend with me when I'll see her. I think I need to inform her of the legal consequences - as someone mentioned, although unlikely (due to this being a family issue, and most families wouldn't press charges), if they did ... well, this [I]would[/I] be considered a class 2 felony most likely since it's over 10 grand if she stole from her mom's account and it wasn't joint. That carries a sentence of 3-7 years here, plus a likely $25,000 fine AND restitution of the original amount stolen. Maybe if I put it into perspective like that for her, she might understand the weight of the situation. Sometimes it's easy for us as humans to not understand the weight of our deeds. I see it everyday. People don't understand the severity of the crimes they commit until the reality hits them (in fact, a lot of people don't even realize they committed a crime.) One thing is for certain... I have been in the jails, around them, etc. It is not a place I would wish on my worst enemy let alone someone I love and care about regardless of the crime they committed. Although it sounds simple and clean cut to tell her mom and run - well, that's a bad and possibly dangerous situation too. Sometimes even people who are normally calm and non-violent can become enraged and/or make rash decisions with situations like this, and I don't see the need for that. My training has taught me to de-escalate situations and solve problems rather than flame the fire. Sometimes that means finding a solution to the problem by thinking outside the box even if it's not the most conventional process. So I will talk to her, and try to giver her some help and advice. Where she decides to take it from there is going to be up to her entirely. Whether her and I continue on will depend on how our conversation goes, and whether I can continue with it on my mind. One thing is certain, I need to see her make restitution. [/QUOTE]
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