She took off to California?!?!?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bran155, Mar 2, 2009.

  1. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Hey all. I am sorry I haven't been on the computer in a few days. I hope everyone is doing well.

    My daughter called me last night. I asked her why the change of heart about turning herself in. And why the last few phone calls we have gotten from her have been so nasty. She said she is angry because she misses me and can't see me. I told her there was an easy solution to that. Come home and do the right thing. Then she dropped the bombshell!!! She said "I can't come home mom, I am not turning myself in either, I am not in NY anymore". What???!!! I said "Where on earth are you then?". She says "California". I almost dropped the phone. California!!! Is she nuts??? After the initial shock I was able to compose myself quickly and not fall into her drama. I stayed calm and asked her a few questions. She said she is with her "peoples" who are trying to get into the music industry. She said she is dancing and rapping in shows. I automatically think the dancing involves a pole and ask her if she dances with her clothes on. She said, angrily, "EEEW, of course with my clothes on mom". Then another girl in the back round said "We aren't porn stars, don't worry". I asked her if she was safe and with people who were kind to her. She said yes. The people she was with were making noise and she said loudly "Shut the f**k up, I'm on the phone". That made me feel a little better as she is obviously not intimidated by them. I was always afraid that she was with people who would force her into horrible things. She is not easily intimidated on any level. At least I know whatever she is doing, she is doing of her own free will. The phone call ended nicely. We said our I love you's and we hung up.

    I am not so sure I believe that she is actually in California. Not that I don't thinks she would go, I totally think she would. But I have a feeling she said that so that I won't keep mentioning turning herself in. I don't know. I just keep reminding myself that no matter where she is or what she is doing there is simply nothing I can do about it. I have an uneasy feeling now. I am so scared for her. But I am still pressing on. I am not letting those feelings take over my life again. In fact I am doing really well personally. I have lost 15 pounds so far, I have been taking care of me now, really focusing on making myself happy. My husband and I are doing great!! We have been going on dates and having lots of fun together. Our bed has even been getting a lot more action lately! LOL I think he is a bit jealous now that I am starting to look good again. I have been getting lots of attention and I love it!!! My sister and I are going into the city in 2 weekends to a bar/club. I bought a new outfit and boots to wear and my husband is a bit taken back by this new me. He told me that he is a little jealous that I am going out. He is not used to this. Me sitting home on the couch in my sweats, hair in a bun, no make up and no desire to do anything fun is what he is comfortable with. With me that way, there is no threat. But now, I think he feels a little threatened by my new found zest for life. It feels really good. A girl needs that jealousy from her man once in a while, right?

    Anyway, that's my update. I will keep you all posted. Thanks for listening.

    Shawna :)
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh wow...CA? Hey maybe she will find herself...lmao. Tell our CA board members to be on the lookout.
  3. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    How strange is this. As soon as I finished typing this thread, I hit submit and the phone rang. She called. She sounds good. I asked her where she was and she replied "outside". She thinks she is smart! LOL I asked her what state she was in and she said PA. I knew she was lying! I said how on earth did you get from California to Pennsylvania in 24 hours???? She laughed and said she is in Connecticut. Whatever!!! Everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie!!! I asked her if she was taking care of herself and she said of course. I asked her if she was with people who were forcing her to do things against her will, her exact words verbatim were. "Are you crazy?, that s**t don't fly with me, you know that." I said "okay, I know you are making very bad choices out there, I just want to make sure that they are YOUR choices and nobody elses". She said, "yes mom, I only do what I want to do".

    I have no clue where this kid is! She is probably right around the corner for pete's sake! She has a cell phone now but won't give me the number, of course. I told her that that was fine as long as she keeps in touch. The call was short but sweet.

    Can you say CONFUSED!!!!!????
  4. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Janet, LMAO!!! Imagine she show up on some video on MTV??? I would freak out!!!
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    You must be going crazy. I'm glad you have been able to focus on you and your husband, but this constant roller coaster has got to be difficult. You are in my thoughts more than you know.

    Last edited: Mar 4, 2009
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Ugh - Next time she calls - say "Gosh too bad you aren't in CA - I sent money there for you - loads and loads of it. Now you'll never get it I thought you were in CA, and I can't get it back."

    Hugs for this obviously difficult time - and by the way - when you're out dancin' in your " X" "X" boots - would ya have a drink for me? I'm afraid if I start I wouldn't stop.

    Hugs -

    Nancy - I'm sorry for you too. Our kids just dont' take into consideration we have a heart.
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Okay, so the California ALERT was a FALSE ALARM?!

    What a rollercoaster you've been on, bran. Hope you have fun at your night on the town -- you deserve a break for sure!
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I am so sorry that this saga continues for you...

    Hopefully, wherever she is...she will get herself straightened out.

  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Roller coaster is definitely the right word for what you have been dealing with. I'm glad you are taking care of you. Way to go on the weight loss! Continued prayers.

    Nancy-I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. I hope she is home safe and soon. Hugs.
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm sorry difficult child is doing this. You are right, though, the choices are hers to make now...

    Congrats on rediscovering you!

    And I'd be tempted to stop asking when she calls where she is. Tell her you love her and hope she's safe and leave it at that.

    Enjoy your "clubbing"!
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    How exhausting.
    You are right to try not to be dragged into her drama. She may or may not be in Calif.
    Neat that she keeps calling you, though. No matter her mood, there is still a connection. :)
    She obviously uses the same language with-her friends and her mother. Small comfort.
    Many hugs.
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Stay strong, Shawna!

    Have a great time clubbing!
  13. gwenny

    gwenny New Member

    Just wanted to say I am sorry for what you are going through. This has to be so hard not knowing where she is:( I'm glad she is calling you and at least you can talk with her. I will keep your family in our thoughts and prayers.
  14. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    shawna, dispite your confusion with your daughter I admire the new you.
    Proud of you. Glad to hear you are feeling happy.
  15. maril

    maril New Member

    Adding my thoughts for some peace in your life. Good for you, that you have been able to focus on doing some things for yourself, and congrats on the weight loss, too. Personally, I have been caving in to eating more lately with all the stress in my life. :ashamed: I admire you for your strength and positive steps you have taken!

    I will keep you guys in my prayers. I can't even imagine dealing with the guessing game that is going on.

    I was talking to my big brother in recent months about my difficult child (who happens to be the same age as your daughter) and my brother (trying to be helpful) remarked that it might take time for things to change with difficult child; maybe about 10 years from now all will be well. :help: Not something I was thrilled to hear and think about but, hey, my brother meant well. He had given examples of other teens in our family, who had made it through some rough stuff and come out on top. It's that period of going through all this (hanging in there and praying that there will be a safe and good outcome) that is hard and, frankly, I am not always up to it.

    Hugs to you, Shawna. Take care!
  16. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    no matter where she is, she is still drawn to her mom! She is calling - down there deep inside she knows you are worried and knows she needs to stay in touch. Staying in touch, whether lying or not, may be the connection to she needs to maintain. Stay strong.

  17. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support. It means so much to me!! :)

    Nancy, I am so sorry. I know how you feel. You are in my thoughts. :)

    Shari, I think you are right. I am going to stop asking her where she is or even if she is going to turn herself in. She knows what she has to do and she knows that her family will be here for her when she is ready. Thanks. :)

    Star, love the money idea!!! :)

    She called again last night and spoke to my sister. She told my sister that she was out of state but not too far. I just don't believe anything she says. So where ever she is, she is. Not much I can do anymore. You all are so right about this darn roller coaster. I want off!!! It's very hard to live this way. I am feeling upbeat and positive and then boom, back down again, then up again and so forth. It is hard to have any peace like this. But I am doing pretty good. I have yet to fall back into that dark hole I used to live in. I refuse to let myself go there again. I am experiencing too many happy moments to allow myself to be dragged into hell again. I will keep on moving forward!!!

    Thanks again my friends. :)
  18. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kudos to you for keeping your sense of humor.. I find that when things are at their craziest, that's when I need to laugh the most!

    Hey, maybe she'll end up in Hawaii and you can visit ;-)
  19. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hi Bran,
    sounds like you are doing so well despite difficult child! I am so proud of you! I remember with my difficult child when she and the boyfriend decided to move to Chicago. I actually gave her bus money and she called me when she was on the bus--but they were headed to NYC. She said they were going to switch buses there to head to Chicago. Okay, that makes a lot of sense--travel 300 miles East when you are trying to go west! They ended up staying in homeless shelters in New England for a couple of months and she was having seizures--turned out to be pseudoseizures, probably caused by stress.

    How well I remember how I just had to take everything she said with a grain of salt and just let it roll off me. I still do though I think she may tell the truth more now. Again, I think you are doing a great job of just taking it as it comes and getting on with your own life. You sound happy and that is wonderful. Also, as someone else said, she wants to stay in contact with you and you have that to hang onto. She may not want you to know where she is but she wants to be in touch with you.

  20. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think you need off this roller-coaster too. I wish I knew how you could get off, but she needs to realize that you don't want on it, somehow. And it seems to me that staying on it could keep her riding it. ((HUGS)) I'm sorry you are still going through this- I can imagine that it must be keeping you stressed out.