She wants to go into treatment.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nancy, Mar 24, 2011.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I posted this in the substance abuse forum too, but I know so many of you here have followed my story and given me so much support.

    difficult child texted me saying she screwed up and destroyed everything good in her life and she needed our stability in her life. She said she hit bottom and couldn't live like this anymore and wants us back in her life and wanted to come home. I told her I wish I could believe her but I couldn't because the drugs and alcohol were more important. She said she wouldn't believe her if she was me either but that she hated her life and wanted to get it straightened out.

    I told her that her Dad and I worried and cried ourselves sick since she left but that we were learning how to live without her in our lives and we finally had peace in our home and I couldn't and wouldn't give that up now. I told her that I didn't think she hit bottom yet and when she did she should check herself into a detox center and then figure out how to get ongoing treatment and then we would talk. She called the rehab center she was in this summer and they told her she needed to pay $10,000 upon admission. I told her we had no more money for treatment. She called a few other places and found a detox center that may let her come for detox. Then she called the sober home that she was referred to after outpatient treatment failed. She has an appointment there next Tuesday morning, although they said if she can go into detox they would pick her up from there and take her to the sober home upon release. She claims the sober home costs $400 a month and after the third month they can get a job and pay for their stay. I told her we could probably help with the $400 until then.

    So she is waiting for a call tomorrow to let her know if they will take her in detox. I don't have a lot of hope because of our high deductible unless they can convince the insurance co it is an emergency admittance.

    Please send good thoughts that this works out. She asked if she could possible come home after she got a good stable sober life behind her and I said we would talk then.

    I am trying not to get my hopes up too high because anything can happen, it's the weekend coming up you know. I hope she has hit bottom. I know she is miserable but is she miserable enough to do the hard work it will take to recover is the question.

    She asked if she could come home tonight and wait until she gets admitted. I told her no, we will wait to see what they say when they call. No way do I want her here and they say no and then we have her back.

  2. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Thoughts and prayers. Sounds like you are handling well. Hoping she really has the determination to follow through.
  3. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I hope she really goes through with it this time.
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Nancy, I sense a peace in your post. I hope I'm right. It's so difficult to really, truly, accept that they have to make the changes. It's so difficult to really, truly, allow them to crash and burn if they have to. I am so proud of you and I hope-hope-hope that she means it this time.

    Big hugs,
  5. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Sending many prayers your way. She knows you're firm in your convictions. You're setting an example for her to be strong in her fight to overcome this.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Prayers and hugs headed in your direction.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nancy, I think you are doing the only thing you can do. She has played this card too many times with you. If she truly wants to get clean, there are other ways. She can go apply for medicaid and find medicaid approved places. She can call and talk to them. Hell she can walk into any AA meeting and ask them for help. Someone has to have some suggestions. Every addict doesnt have parents with incomes available. I wouldnt be able to fund 2 days. If she is desperate she could beg Dr Phil. There are all kinds of ways. She doesnt need you to help her out. What if you were dead.
  8. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Nancy, you are doing so well, and being so firm. It must be so hard for you but I can understand you wanting to hold on to the peace you have found in your own home.

    Sending you hugs,

    Love, Esther
  9. KFld

    KFld New Member

    You handled that perfectly!! letting her come home would have given her too much comfort and make her think twice about going into detox and then the sober house. You made the right decision. I hope she goes through with it. I'll be leaving tomorrow on my cruise, so won't have access to the site until I get back next Saturday. I'll be looking forward to see how it goes while I'm away :)
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Nancy - hugs - you did awesomely! Willing to help, but not at the expense of your hard-won peace. I am in awe of you!

    I am praying she follows through.
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Sounds like a REALLY good first step!!!
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Nancy you handled this amazingly well. So proud of you for being able to stay strong. I know it's so hard.

    For difficult child's sake I hope this is truly her rock bottom and she's ready to turn her life around and do the work necessary to get there. I'll continue to keep her in my prayers, and you too.

  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    :bravo: Great job, Nancy! Yeah, I know your heart is in your throat but you did a fine job! DDD
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    The detox center is in our downtown area. The sober home is in what we call the "near west side" just west of downtown. They are both in not very nice areas and it is not what I would choose at all, but it is the only thing open to her and hopefully will take indigent cases. She has thrown away the help we have given her so she is now left with whatever she can find. As you know these treatment places are not in the suburbs and do not offer resort like surroundings, unless they are the ones that cost mega bucks and are located in Arizona or Texas and can be funded by Dr. Phil.