She was arrested for shoplifting..

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Jul 9, 2012.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Not sure if I mentioned that previously or not. She is going to court on July 23rd (I will be on vacation). This is not the first time she was caught shoplifting - but it was the first time as an adult. She was caught at Kohl's trying to steal a bathing suit. :(

    husband and I told her the best thing she can do is stand in front of the judge, admit that she is a drug addict and ask for help. What can the judge say to that? Course I don't know if she will actually do that. husband and I are praying for some sort of outcome - jail, anything! But considering what the charge is, I am thinking she may just get a slap on the hand.

    I told her she will have a really hard time finding a job now - no one wants to hire someone that stole anything.

    I told her she could also try calling the DA and see what they say, but that is as far as I am going in my "help". I will be away on vacation with my in-laws and won't even know if she goes to jail.

    What will they do when she tells them she cannot pay anything? Will they make her do some sort of jail time??? Anyone have any experience here?
  2. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    PG, my difficult child is in the same boat. His court date is tomorrow. I'd suggest speaking with the court clerk. Mthe one here was really helpful...for example, i know this judge won't let you on probation to pay theft fines...he makes you go straight to jail and sit them out. In my local area, judge will allow probation while you pay. $35 a month fees plus drug test costs.

    Can she claim youthful offender? That would keep the theft charge off her record?

    Also, my difficult child is saying not guilty and asking to talk to public defender. Bringing docs from rehab and sober house. Explaining addiction ( was drunk at the time) and what he has done since. Asking for delayed prosecution. If they ok, then if he stays out of trouble, charge will disappear in 6-12 months. Public defender negotiates with DA to see if he'll agree. If so, then need judge to sign off.

    Hope this helps. Good luck!
  3. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    She cannot pay anything. Not even monthly. And I sure won't pay it for her. So, she can go to jail and earn it. I am not talking to the court clerk or anything - that is up to her to do. I am not sure what youthful offender means? I will have to look that up. Can you tell I don't have any experience with this stuff? LOL

    At least your son has done something about his addiction. Mone has done nothing and continues to say she doesn't need rehab. I just texted her though and told her what you are doing (just said a friend in the same boat). I told her that is what she needs to do!! I can tell the court that she is in treatment and get a will look SO much better on her if she did!!
  4. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Not sure what you should do-no experience in the adult system and it is different everywhere. Just a hug-because even though I know your trying to be detatched, this is hard work. I hope she is scared enough to ask for help-don't know if she gets it in her addicted state however.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Yeah, she is an ADULT...and she needs to handle this herself. All the offers of help you have made and she has never taken you up on them....

    Go on your vacation. She can get a public defender. He can advise her what is in her best interest. And at the end of the day, after all your worry - it will probably be just as you say....a slap on the wrist and difficult child goes on her merry way.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    "Youthful Offender" in the state of Georgia applies ONLY to young MEN ages 17 to 25.
  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Go figure. I found the same case to be with sober living and rehabs. TON for men, but not so much for women. Totally messed up if you ask me..

    I did tell her to get a public defender since she cannot afford one and I told her to plead not guilty.

    You are right - she has not taken me up on any of it. I told her straight out that I don't get it - it is like she is screaming for help but refuses whenever we offer. :/
  8. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I read something today on pinterest - wish I had bookmarked it - to the effect of "Just because I am no longer surprised by your actions, doesn't mean that I am any less hurt or disappointed..." but the phrase on pinterest was much more succinct...

    The things we get used to...

    makes me weary
  9. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Men? That's awful. That law needs changed.

    Mine only went to rehab because it was that or live in the ditch.

    My difficult child texted me at 315 say he has lost his mind because he thinks so strangely.

    This afternoon's fun brought a text asking me to wire him $15 because he hasn't eaten but once in three days. (yeah, right...I remember when I last gave you cash.)

    Claims no one is available to go to food stamp office with him (has to have a buddy for first 30 days...sober house rules.)

    HA! Called manager who said he was looking at 5 people available at that moment. And while we were talking, I also explained difficult child is using that same excuse for not job hunting. Last I heard, difficult child was at the food stamp office with his

    Maybe he will learn not to try to play me....see, even after rehab, they are still difficult children.

    Have a great trip!!
  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow. I didn't know that about youthful offender status here in Georgia. How in the world do they get away with that? Sounds like a legal challenge waiting to happen.

    I'm sorry about your difficult child, PG. I don't know anything about how the courts work. I know that difficult child's friends got caught shoplifting at 15 and they had to go to juvenile court and were sentenced to community service. There records were wiped clean as adults and one is now a practicing attorney.

    I never thought I would say that jail would be good for anyone but in your difficult child's case maybe it would serve as a wakeup call.


  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry PG but I'm glad you are not bailing her out. We are all learning the detachment dance.

    Gosh AG your difficult child is really pulling out all the stops isn't he? Wise of you to call the,sober house.

  12. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I am so sorry. I'm not sure what they will do if she cannot make restitution, but I have to believe there is something like community service available. That would be far more constructive than jail time.

    I know in my little community, the judges are far more likely to give a first time offender addmitted drug addict a chance at rehab/reform.

    There's nothing bout this that's easy, is there? Hang in there.
  13. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I found during the time that my difficult child was constantly getting into trouble that a lot depended on the judge and if the difficult child had a job etc.

    My difficult child was court ordered twice to rehab - and I can't remember how many times I left him jail. They have such a hard time finguring out there is a reaction to every action - whether good or bad.

    My heart goes out to us all - but as was mentioned - I also found out that even when he is clean and sober my son is STILL A difficult child!!! My husband says they just think differently than we do - I think he just doesn't THINK!
  14. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    PG: I hope that your difficult child will talk to the public defender about the case against her before her court date. She will probably not want to admit that she is a drug addict to the judge, but she could tell the public defender about her drug problems, and that she shoplifted because she needed money for drugs. The very best outcome for her would be if she was court ordered into rehab. Then she would be forced to go to rehab or she would end up in jail.

    Please let us know what happens with her case after you return from your relaxing vacation. HUGS...
  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I am hoping but I know I have zero control of the situation. I will not help in any way. I just have to pray that they either send her to jail or rehab - I will take either one. Better than her being on the streets doing drugs...I don't think she has made any phone calls about it. I don't know if she is truly taking this seriously. I hope she at least gets a ride to show up to court... :/
  16. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    <<I hope she at least gets a ride to show up to court.>>

    Sadly, if not, the judge will likely send a ride for her....
  17. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    They wouldn't even know where to find her.....I don't even know where she is....I know the town, if it is still the same one, but it could be any hotel or any couch. :(

    Having a warrant wouldn't bother her - she escaped a juvie one for a year before she turned 18. Gosh, I can feel the pride just bursting out of me (eye roll)...
  18. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Well... Yeah, but if she got caught at Kohl's - where it's well known they don't pay much attention... Ya never know.

  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I can probably give you the best low down on how this will play out.

    difficult child will show up in court if she is smart. They call the entire court docket to see who is there and who isnt. If a lawyer is representing someone, they say so. If not, the person speaks up from the galley saying "here your honor" and they go on. After all that is done, they ask if anyone wants to ask for a public defender or needs time to hire a lawyer on their own. A line forms for that. Once all that is done, they call out the people who are there who are still there. Some are going to plead guilty without a lawyer on very basic charges...speeding, neighbor disputes, shoplifting, small amounts of pot or paraphernalia charges, things like that. Just ticket charges. Things you would get a fine and probation. These are all misdemeanor charges. While yes, you could possibly get time, it is very unlikely. Jails are full and it costs almost $200 a day to house an inmate.

    More likely she will ask for a court appointed attorney, they will get her case postponed, attorney will tell her to get a job at McDonalds so when she goes to court they can say she is now working and can pay off the fine in payments. Someone will give her an address even if she gives them yours. They will say she is now stable with work and a place to live and going to AA. She is so sorry for what she did. She will probably have to pay restitution for the bathing suit, a fine, court costs, banned from Khols for 2 years, and placed on unsupervised probation for a year. If you are extremely lucky you might get supervised. Dont count on it.
  20. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    That is pretty much what I think, too. Only problem is, she won't get a job. She is not reliable, has no transportation and no permanent place to live. She has been hired at two places and screwed up before she even started. :/