18 year old - smokes pot EVERY day. She's a senior in high school but I don't think she's going to graduate. She says she only goes for me and that she'd rather sleep in a park. I wish she would sleep in a park. I wouldn't shed a single tear. Since she became a daily (sometimes hourly) pot smoker she doesn't scream and yell as much, but she doesn't do ANYTHING. nothing. She sits in filth in her room and does nothing. They say mental and emotional development stops when they start smoking pot. Does this mean I'm going to be the mother of a teenaged bipolar ODD for the rest of my life? I detest this human being that crawled out of my womb. DETEST. Which makes me the world's worst mother. I admit it. I am the worst mother in the world. All the private schooling and special programs and counseling and time spent and sacrifices were clearly inadequate. I did everything wrong because even heroin addicts and prostitutes don't produce children this vile. There is no way I can call this "human being" a gift from god. This is a curse. A punishment. For what, I don't know. I must have been hitler in a past life. Is mothering really this fragile that you can think you're doing everything you're supposed to do and they still come out monsters? Am I the only one who actually HATES their child? If you knew that THIS was what you were going to get, would you still have had them? I want to go back in time and rip out my uterus with a rusty spoon. And what is this BS I hear on tv and in books and from other people about the JOYS of parenting? Where is this "blessing?" Where is this great gift? Who are these people who love their children and think they're the best thing that ever happened in their lives? Are they INSANE? I want to know why God hates me so much that he gave me THIS. The idea that we're never tested beyond what we can handle is a load of **** because I cannot handle this. I still believe in god but I believe he's evil. No child was ever born who was more wanted, planned for, and dreamed of. And he gave me this fiend. I look forward to judgment day so I can stand before god and curse him for this. Burning in hell would be a relief after the last 18 years. I've lost my ability to be remotely civil to her. I don't know how to look at her without hate. She doesn't have any more ability to care for herself than a baby bird and I don't care. I want her gone. It took her 18 years to torture me to the point of hating her but she succeeded. Go figure. It's the only thing she's ever succeeded at. I spent last week with a friend who has a normal teenager. I wanted to die by the end of the week. It was torture to watch.