She's been arrested on a felony charge..

DDD

Well-Known Member
No, that's not odd around here. There was a charge for every time a Nurse saw easy child/difficult child and every time he was seen by a Doctor. Of course there was a charge for every pill he took (ordered in by the system and more costly than what I paid at a private pharmacy...plus it was generic) for his symptoms from the brain damage. All the costs became his indebtedness and if we put money into his canteen account...they pulled most of it out toward the medication bills. Nope. No shock here. DDD
 
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troubled

Guest
This is an update. difficult child is still in jail. She's been there since March. Her attorney called me and my sister and asked if we were willing to take her in and we both said no, absolutely not. She's aware that she's in there because we won't take her in. She is very depressed. The judge would have released her on her own recognizance if she could stay with one of us but since we refused, she is stuck in there for 90 days because they know she would disappear if they just let her out. I asked about having her evaluated and the lawyer said that could take 3-4 months before it would happen. She seems to be adjusting to her circumstances and calls my sister about once or twice a week, requests money on her account so she can eat. She's a vegetarian and won't eat anything that has meat on it or in it so she's been "starving" and getting sick off and on trying to eat the food in there. She uses money to buy ramen noodles for 77cents a day so she has something to eat that doesn't make her sick but other than that, she goes days without eating anything, or so she says. I have no idea what will happen at the end of the 90 days. They are aware that she is homeless, jobless, penniless and really has no defense against whatever crimes someone who doesn't like her might pin on her, whether she did it or not. She requests that my sister send her postcards of her idols, like Hanna Montana and I Carly, etc. She is still so immature and childish in a lot of ways but the sad part is, because she is an adult over 18, we can't control her.

Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep and I would bet that she does, too.
 

ctmom05

Member
It's so hard to stand by and see these things happen, isn't it? The sadness is beyond description.

I think you're doing what needs to be done under the circumstances, both for her and for you/family. Stay strong, sister - we're with you on this one.
 

KFld

New Member
I know it must break your heart to know she is there and I don't know what I would do in that situation. Thankfully I never had to face it. I'm just wondering if in the end maybe they will refer her to a facility that will help her instead of just releasing her and maybe it will be the best thing that happened. When my son was arrested on a felony charge at 18 his attorney was able to get him into a State rehab facility as an alternative to jail time. His attorney was expensive and we paid it because he was just 18 and we just found out about his addiction and thought spending all that money would fix him. I don't know if a public defender can recommend anything like that or not??
 

Jena

New Member
wow i teared up reading this...... i dont' know your entire story with her, yet just reading this. you are one strong mom and i cannot imagine having to do what you are doing right now. yet somehow someway in the long run your doing the right thing it sounds like and stopping her from continuning to hurt herself. if she's there she knows she's facing the consequences of her actions and you aren't controlling it or saving her. amazing truly.

stay strong, hangin there, my thoughts are with you.
 
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troubled

Guest
Jena, thanks for the thoughts. It seems like most of my family is suffering health-wise right now, hugely serious problems, some more serious than others (including myself) and to have this hanging over all of our heads is only making things worse. Thanks for the kind thoughts. I will try and stay strong despite it all. I really have little choice.
 
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troubled

Guest
Thanks for being there Chris.Yes it is breaking my heart. The only thing that seems to keep me going is my bouts of intermittent anger towards difficult child because I have been telling her for a long time that if she didn't change her ways she would end up in jail or worse. I did not raise her to be a prostitute or worse. She has no morals or self- respect along with all her other mental problems. The public defender seems somewhat willing to try and help but at the same time difficult child lied to her, too, and said that an aunt or I would let her stay with one of us and get her out of jail when we told the attorney that we never said any such thing and it was not going to happen. No one really makes any money helping an indigent, mentally-ill, homeless person who has no insurance or income or property but I am trying to be hopeful. Cutbacks have prevented those who need the most help from getting it, I've noticed. I can not afford to support difficult child, much less pay for an attorney. I am worried about paying for my own upcoming medical bills right now and I have no one to physically care for me, either, so I've got a lot on my mind right now.
 
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PatriotsGirl

Guest
My heart aches for you. I cry myself to sleep sometimes, too. It is hard at times. I have to keep telling myself that she made her choices and as badly as I wish they were different, there is not a dang thing I can do about it.
I would rather my difficult child in jail, though. At least I would know she was alive and hopefully getting one heck of a wake up call...
 
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troubled

Guest
PatriotsGirl: I am so sorry that you feel so worried that you wish your own child was in jail. I try and tell myself that she is safe for now but in the back of my mind I imagine all kinds of horrible things happening to her in that jail. I t is so bad that I had a terrible dream about her. In this dream, she came home to visit me after getting out of jail and was happy and smiling and then she took off her jacket and I saw that she was so thin she looked like a skeleton and had huge bruises of black and blue all over her arms and torso. I woke up crying out for her. I felt so guilty for letting her stay in there, you can't imagine.
 
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PatriotsGirl

Guest
Do NOT feel guilty!!! Did you take those items? Nope, I bet you didn't. I can go up to my difficult child's room and find ALL sorts of things in there that her sticky little fingers have taken. She has even taken items from us! Would I feel guilty if she went to jail for it? Nope. It is going to come around and bite her in the butt one of these days....

Let her face the natural consequences. Hopefully she will never touch another thing that does not belong to her...
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Dear troubled,
Just another here wanting to let you know I care.
Like Janet my husband pressed charges against our oldest difficult child some 5 yrs ago...he stole around 10k worth of computer equip from a client my husband did business with... And like Janet we were able to talk to DA and have our son placed in state rehab jail rather than state prison. difficult child spent almost 2 yrs there.

I was definitely emotionally affected... Having regular panic attacks over the situation. difficult child in the beginning threatens suicide...I too was very scared for him and husband refused to visit or speak with him the whole time he was locked up. I did get help from Al Anon as my son had been using meth and was stealing to buy meth.

Today my son is a hard worker and has been sober the past 90 days. Lol he is going to church all the time now with his girlfriend (mother of their baby girl) and has recently turned into what I describe as a ultra conservative judgmental religious person. Anyway far cry fr the son I visited in jail at 18 yrs old.

I think our difficult children are alot stronger than we give them credit for...I truly believe most of them can survive just fine with the consequences they inflict upon themselves.
Sigh...I think it's usually mom who has the tougher time cause we so much of the time suffer for them.

Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with you and daughter...hopefully she will learn a few things from this experience in her life.

Hugs,
Tammy
 
Count me as another parent wishing that difficult child were in jail rather than out on the street. I don't think it could be any worse inside than out as far as violence - she's been beat up a couple of times that I know of, probably more that I don't - and at least she'd be fed and not destroying her body with meth. Haven't heard a word from or about her in 2 1/2 weeks now.
 
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troubled

Guest
PatriotsGirl
You are right, of course. Thanks for reminding me of why I put her out of the house in the first place. I must find something else to focus on and get her off my mind. She's probably not given me a second thought despite knowing I am seriously ill and will be in the hospital soon. I am so used to putting that kid before my own self, it's no wonder I worry more about her than me.
 
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troubled

Guest
(((HereWeGoAgain))) I don't know what else to say to you but offer some hugs and prayers. After awhile you realize it truly is out of your hands. I worry that this lockup is only the beginning of worse things to come with my difficult child because she is nothing but strong willed and determined to have her way and she could very well end up using drugs and more.
 
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troubled

Guest
Thanks Tammy and I wish your son continued success. You give me some hope and that's what I need. ((HUGS))
 
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troubled

Guest
I can't believe difficult child's boyfriend. He spent over $300 on a bus and taxi trip here just to see difficult child on video at the jail for 20 minutes on Saturday. Then of course he went running back to his parents and cried broke to difficult child. For $200 more he could have bailed her out of jail. What he doesn't know is that she has been cheating on him with another guy who lives local but also with parents.
 
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Nomad

Guest
I'm so sorry.
If you can reach the attorney who will reprsent her, let it be known that she has a mental illness. Perhaps, if she is a first time offender this will be taken into consideration.
Additionally, care and treatment from a doctor willl be needed.
With the exception of trying to make sure she receives the tx she deserves/needs...not sure there is much more you can do.
Is there an Al Anon or Families Anonymous group in your area? These folks might have ideas.
And one is likely to be that it is out of your hands...and in the hands of Higher Power.
Please make sure you take gooood care of yourself.
 
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troubled

Guest
The more things change.. the more they stay the same. Last I posted difficult child was in jail after being homeless for 3 months. difficult child's out of jail now and back at the same shelter where she was accused of stealing, which led to her arrest. She has no where else to go. She's on probation and can't leave the state for a year. I don't know of any other conditions. I've helped her out twice by taking her to her orthodontic appointments and I gave her some food from my pantry, took her out to eat at McD's but that is it. She's now announced on facebook that she's engaged to her difficult child-boyfriend who no one in her family approves of. He's a PSYCHO and dangerous. Where she's bad enough, he's much worse. I've called police on him twice for calling/threatening me over the phone. They said they can't do anything because he's living out of state. But he has been twice already here to visit difficult child. She's trying to get pregnant, from what I hear. I also heard that she is planning on using money she thinks she will get for college loan from the government to buy a boob job. She's a mess and again, no one at the shelter likes her because she does bad things and acts inappropriately, like when she is having sex over the phone with her boyfriend and kids and others can hear her. She also is again staying up all night and will not go get services because she doesn't want to get up early. She is planning on getting her ID, though, because she wants to cash in her savings bonds (that were meant for college) and try and get an apartment with bond money. She's desperately "bored" and online most of the day chatting with her loser teen friends. She's anxious to get high, has threatened to cut herself (copying the boyfriend's example) just because she doesn't care for her "accommodations" at the womens shelter. She's being called a **** and more on facebook, posts partially nude pics and apparently has no morals, no shame, nothing. She gets a bang out of teasing men in other countries, too.

I try not to worry because it does little good. There's no way she's getting back into my home to torment me with her abnormal behavior and cruel taunting and that's all it would be. She will use anyone and everyone up to their very last penny or bit of sanity and then walk away feeling absolutely nothing but contempt for those she leaves in her path of destruction. I won't even add her as a friend on my facebook and when someone asks about her, I say her age and tell them she's moved out and is on her own. That's about the size of it.

I know how we all care about our kids no matter how old they are but at some point, it just can't go much beyond a thought because if you take action and try and help, they will only rip your heart out and shove it right down your throat in return. At least, that's how I see it is most of the time. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life trying to fix the unfixable. It's out of my hands now. I've tried. I'm done. The EX - her father - has managed to remain uninvolved all this time. Same with his parents - difficult child's paternal grandparents and aunts and uncles. If they can do it, so can I. I already am on her boyfriend's hit list so what does it matter?

If things go as I suspect they will, my difficult child will get pregnant and bring yet another difficult child into her messed up world before she's even old enough to drink a beer. There should be a law against it but again, nothing can stop her. I will have nothing to do with her then. She will have sealed her fate and may as well move to her future in-laws state to see how welcoming they will be towards her and offspring. As it stands now, they've threatened to call police if she shows up on their doorstep but difficult child, being of feeble mind, seems to think that a baby in tow will make all the difference. I think she is in for a rude awakening all around. She still has not learned from past mistakes. Oh well.

Not my problem and I can't fix it. My motto.
 
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