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Parent Emeritus
She's Gone Again...and I'm okay...for now
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 653334" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>WM, I am impressed with your strength, resolve and commitment to yourself, you really sound quite healthy. You're doing a very good job! AND, I know how hard it is and how crummy you can feel. I think every one of us here can relate to your feeling that you are glad that she is gone.......most of us have felt that way. It is certainly a relief to stop walking on eggshells waiting for the other shoe to drop. You were smart to not let your guard down and to keep your boundaries intact.</p><p></p><p>For a while a couple of years ago I was in a Codependency course which ended up being a lifesaver for me to learn how to stop enabling.........we learned a lot about addiction and we were told repeatedly that relapses <em>are part of recovery.</em> Your daughter is young, she has a ways to go yet. And, she has the natural desire for independence 18 year olds have.......which leaves you in the position of having to learn how to let go.......probably the most difficult thing any of us will ever have to do.......<u>AND, you are doing it.</u></p><p><u></u></p><p>When I arrived here 3 1/2 years ago, bruised and battered like many of us here, I was determined to find a way out of all of the suffering.......with that commitment I found my way through this maze of craziness our kids drag us through.......I read the books, attended therapy and parent groups, kept coming back here, I did everything I could to learn, to grow, to detach........and with that commitment I made it through to the other side where peace and acceptance live. I see that same commitment in you.......you are willing to change and grow and do what it takes to find your own acceptance and live a life of peace..........our kids will do what they do...so it really ends up being about OUR willingness to change, not waiting for them to change or lamenting about where they are in their lives.....none of that is within our control, the only control we have is how we respond to the situation. You understand that and with that understanding will come peace. <em>Stay the course, you're doing a stellar job. </em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 653334, member: 13542"] WM, I am impressed with your strength, resolve and commitment to yourself, you really sound quite healthy. You're doing a very good job! AND, I know how hard it is and how crummy you can feel. I think every one of us here can relate to your feeling that you are glad that she is gone.......most of us have felt that way. It is certainly a relief to stop walking on eggshells waiting for the other shoe to drop. You were smart to not let your guard down and to keep your boundaries intact. For a while a couple of years ago I was in a Codependency course which ended up being a lifesaver for me to learn how to stop enabling.........we learned a lot about addiction and we were told repeatedly that relapses [I]are part of recovery.[/I] Your daughter is young, she has a ways to go yet. And, she has the natural desire for independence 18 year olds have.......which leaves you in the position of having to learn how to let go.......probably the most difficult thing any of us will ever have to do.......[U]AND, you are doing it. [/U] When I arrived here 3 1/2 years ago, bruised and battered like many of us here, I was determined to find a way out of all of the suffering.......with that commitment I found my way through this maze of craziness our kids drag us through.......I read the books, attended therapy and parent groups, kept coming back here, I did everything I could to learn, to grow, to detach........and with that commitment I made it through to the other side where peace and acceptance live. I see that same commitment in you.......you are willing to change and grow and do what it takes to find your own acceptance and live a life of peace..........our kids will do what they do...so it really ends up being about OUR willingness to change, not waiting for them to change or lamenting about where they are in their lives.....none of that is within our control, the only control we have is how we respond to the situation. You understand that and with that understanding will come peace. [I]Stay the course, you're doing a stellar job. [/I] [/QUOTE]
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