She's home and I'm frantic again...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by gma, Sep 2, 2011.

  1. gma

    gma New Member

    This site is amazing and all of you are very encouraging wise.

    I posted yesterday about daughter who we brought home after rehab, outpatient and then out in the street for two weeks after relapse. She had been home 4 days and left for 24hours and while we were out last night she came home.
    I am really struggling right now, she is so definitely using again, but I'm so terrified to turn her away. Mentally she is in a bad place, read in her Journal (OK, my bad!) while in the street for those last two weeks, she tried "again" to take her life and berated herself for not even being strong enough to do that right. I contacted authorities and they said unless she tells them she is suicidal and has a plan they can't do anything. She doesn't want help so she won't admit that to them.

    I just don't know what to do? I did the tough love last time around and it got her into a 30day of her own decision. She was really working the program and doing great, but 40days just wasn't enough to give her strength to work it on the outside.
    She's burned every bridge and truly doesn't have anywhere to go if I turn her away.

    Honest, I'm usually better at thinking all this through, I'm just stuck right now and don't know... husband say's just keep loving her until we can get her back on BiPolar medications so we know she's alive. I know normally that's not right, but I just can't get myself to kick her out right now.

    Any input would be appreciated....
  2. Blondiesbf

    Blondiesbf New Member

    Doesn't her journal and addmission to wanting to hurt herself constitute enough 'evidence' to get the authorities to help?? If not, that's what really stinks with these kids. I get rights...but ours are taken from us in defense of protecting our rights! grrrrr
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    gma do what you need to do right now. It's easy for me to say turn her away but it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Take one day at a time right now. We were told by difficult child's rehab center that the average number of relapse is seven, so don;t expect her to get it the first time. Keep looking for services for her. This is tough stuff you are going through.

  4. gma

    gma New Member

    Thanks for the words of encouragement. I just feel like right now we're fighting for her life. Doesn't mean we won't have to change the plan tomorrow or next week, just for today I am comfortable not doing anything.

    When we had to transition her from residential into outpatient, the counselors told me then, she was doing great and really working her program - still trying to get medications right, still too much depression but she'd come along way in a short time. With that, they also said relapse was frequent especially with the bipolar & less than 90day inpatient.

    Again, thank you!
  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    {{{hugs}}} In the words of Scarlett Ohara - think about it tomorrow. I am not being trite, but you don't know what to do and 24 hours or a few days won't make a huge difference - except to you. And it may mean you sleep tonight. Turning her out would be "reacting" and that's not always the wisest way to act. Let her stay tonight until YOU have a clearer plan and comfort level. You're not doing it for her, you are doing it for you and that's ok in the short term.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I agree with the others.

    Turning her away might be the right choice, but it does not mean you're quite ready to do it just yet. That may change in the short term.

    As for the journal.........I don't know about other people but if it's in my house? Then there is no such thing as privacy if I feel the situation calls for such things. I've ready many a journal, often it was the easiest way to know where my girls minds were at. BUT keep in mind when you resort to such measures, you may not like at all what you find written in those pages.

    Do you think you could sit and talk with her about the journal? See my kids know the rule about privacy around here, so they know that anything is subject to inspection by mom if mom feels the need to do so.......dunno if you've got the same set up or not. If so, you might be able to confront her about it and at least see if she'd like some help. If she'd flip about you reading her journal you could ease into the conversation by something like she looks so down and sad or something and take it from there.....

  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    We have the same privacy rule as Lisa, and with a kid in the shape your's is in, I would read the journal too - even if we didn't have that rule. You can worry about privacy of such things later - don't have to tell her you read it. If she left it out she may be trying to get you to read it even if she would never admit it even to herself. There are so many bigger things to worry about that I would let that go.

    the others are very right - you do NOT have to decide right now or even this week. My father used to say that it will all be better in the morning - meaning after a decent night sleep. He was right at least 90% of the time. Mostly because whatever was going on had us really upset and with a good night of sleep we were calmer and better able to think things through without catastrophizing.

    I am also a HUGE believer in Momma's intuition. If that little voice is yelling at you, do what it says. The ONLY times I made really big, bad mistakes in parenting were when I ignored or went against that gut instinct and did what the "professionals" said was right.

    TOMORROW - meaning Monday, Labor Day - you are to find some local al-anon and narcanon meetings and YOU are going to start attending if you are not already doing this at least one time a week. More than one time is better than one time each week, so the more often you can go the better. It is where you will find others in the exact situation other than here on the board. NOT to not come here, but to add those meetings. Meetings not only help YOU, they increase your child's chances of gaining a clean and sober life when she is ready for it.