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She's now somewhat 'homeless'
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 631597" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>I think it is a bit easier when they go off to college, which happens at the same age, really. My daughter went off to school 2000 miles away...I HAD to completely lose touch with her. At first she was so anxious she could barely deal with talking to me, then she was busy making new friends and building a new persona, then ACTUAL school. In the three years she's been there I've been out to visit 5 times, and even now she only kind of makes time for me...I'll see her for dinner one day, maybe a hike or shopping, another day, maybe a late dinner if I take her friends on the third day--and then I come home. I"m always a bit chagrined she doesn't clear the decks to spend time with me when I come..but she doesn't. SHe loves me, she loves that I visit, she knows I'm out there...but she ain't gonna spend one second more time with me than works for her.</p><p></p><p>Give her space. A lot of space. Try to be casual about invitations, and limit them...severely. Like, less than once a week. How can she miss you if you won't go away?</p><p></p><p>I know it is hard. But they do fly the nest at some point..she is doing it without the structure of Leaving Town to Go to College or the Military or a Job, but lots of kids leave home at that age and don't look back.</p><p></p><p>My SO's daughter didn't go to college, and lived with him till she was 23. It was bad for both of them, even though they both tried hard. It is SOOOOO much better now that we only see her once a month or so...once we stopped putting pressure on her she and her boyfriend started coming by willingly.</p><p></p><p>Good luck and hugs. I feel that it will work out ok.</p><p></p><p>Echolette</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 631597, member: 17269"] I think it is a bit easier when they go off to college, which happens at the same age, really. My daughter went off to school 2000 miles away...I HAD to completely lose touch with her. At first she was so anxious she could barely deal with talking to me, then she was busy making new friends and building a new persona, then ACTUAL school. In the three years she's been there I've been out to visit 5 times, and even now she only kind of makes time for me...I'll see her for dinner one day, maybe a hike or shopping, another day, maybe a late dinner if I take her friends on the third day--and then I come home. I"m always a bit chagrined she doesn't clear the decks to spend time with me when I come..but she doesn't. SHe loves me, she loves that I visit, she knows I'm out there...but she ain't gonna spend one second more time with me than works for her. Give her space. A lot of space. Try to be casual about invitations, and limit them...severely. Like, less than once a week. How can she miss you if you won't go away? I know it is hard. But they do fly the nest at some point..she is doing it without the structure of Leaving Town to Go to College or the Military or a Job, but lots of kids leave home at that age and don't look back. My SO's daughter didn't go to college, and lived with him till she was 23. It was bad for both of them, even though they both tried hard. It is SOOOOO much better now that we only see her once a month or so...once we stopped putting pressure on her she and her boyfriend started coming by willingly. Good luck and hugs. I feel that it will work out ok. Echolette [/QUOTE]
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She's now somewhat 'homeless'
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