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Substance Abuse
She's on her way home.
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<blockquote data-quote="Sister's Keeper" data-source="post: 700640" data-attributes="member: 20051"><p>I agree with Nancy. If she comes home I think the arrangement should be that she goes into detox (alcohol and xanax need medically supervised detox) once she is in detox it should, theoretically, be easier for her to get into a longer term treatment program. </p><p></p><p>I want to say one positive, though, she is involved to some degree with AA. That shows that she wants to get sober and has some willingness to do so, since AA is totally voluntary. The desire is there. People who aren't interested in sobriety shun the programs.</p><p></p><p>The difficult thing about detachment is remaining morally supportive without enabling. You need to learn to be their biggest cheerleader without encouraging their addiction. Addicts need to be uncomfortable. They need to learn from their mistakes and feel the consequences of their mistakes. In your case this would be not having a place to live. How deep in the morass of addiction must you be to take advantage of your disabled sister? Her consequences for that should be that she cannot live in the same home with her sister. Paying her rent says the same thing. It is kind of rewarding her behavior. No one, especially addicts, make changes unless they are uncomfortable. Unfortunately, how uncomfortable they need to be varies wildly. Trust me, mine would rather be in prison than get treatment.</p><p></p><p>Give Al-anon another try. Don't look for answers, there aren't any, but look for camaraderie. These are all people who are or have been where you are right now. You will learn, but not directly. No one will say, "you should do X" or "you should have done Y," but you will hear people say, "I did Z and what a disaster!" or "I did A, and it was the best decision I ever made!" Unfortunately we have all been there, done that, too many times. It's a learning curve. You just have to keep your eyes open and recognize what hasn't worked in the past and try to change that pattern of behavior, no matter how hard it is.</p><p></p><p>Addiction is a family disease. They are addicted to a substance, we are addicted to them.</p><p></p><p>All I can say is encourage her when she is making good choices, but only encourage her emotionally. Praise her for good choices. Be her cheerleader. Continue to tell her how much you love and support her. Tell her how much your look forward to rekindling your close relationship, but make sure that she knows that you can't do that until she is sober. Not because you want to punish her, but because you need to protect yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sister's Keeper, post: 700640, member: 20051"] I agree with Nancy. If she comes home I think the arrangement should be that she goes into detox (alcohol and xanax need medically supervised detox) once she is in detox it should, theoretically, be easier for her to get into a longer term treatment program. I want to say one positive, though, she is involved to some degree with AA. That shows that she wants to get sober and has some willingness to do so, since AA is totally voluntary. The desire is there. People who aren't interested in sobriety shun the programs. The difficult thing about detachment is remaining morally supportive without enabling. You need to learn to be their biggest cheerleader without encouraging their addiction. Addicts need to be uncomfortable. They need to learn from their mistakes and feel the consequences of their mistakes. In your case this would be not having a place to live. How deep in the morass of addiction must you be to take advantage of your disabled sister? Her consequences for that should be that she cannot live in the same home with her sister. Paying her rent says the same thing. It is kind of rewarding her behavior. No one, especially addicts, make changes unless they are uncomfortable. Unfortunately, how uncomfortable they need to be varies wildly. Trust me, mine would rather be in prison than get treatment. Give Al-anon another try. Don't look for answers, there aren't any, but look for camaraderie. These are all people who are or have been where you are right now. You will learn, but not directly. No one will say, "you should do X" or "you should have done Y," but you will hear people say, "I did Z and what a disaster!" or "I did A, and it was the best decision I ever made!" Unfortunately we have all been there, done that, too many times. It's a learning curve. You just have to keep your eyes open and recognize what hasn't worked in the past and try to change that pattern of behavior, no matter how hard it is. Addiction is a family disease. They are addicted to a substance, we are addicted to them. All I can say is encourage her when she is making good choices, but only encourage her emotionally. Praise her for good choices. Be her cheerleader. Continue to tell her how much you love and support her. Tell her how much your look forward to rekindling your close relationship, but make sure that she knows that you can't do that until she is sober. Not because you want to punish her, but because you need to protect yourself. [/QUOTE]
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