She's pregnant

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nancy, Sep 18, 2011.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child came over today. She got a flat tire on the highway and had to have a police officer help change the tire. She's riding on her small spare. Her car looks like she is living out of it. While helping her clean her car I saw a pregnancy test in her purse. After lying about it several times she admitted she is pregnant. My heart sank.

    I asked her what she was going to do and she said she is going to keep it. The father is a hrad drug addict living in a 3/4 house. She claims they are going to save their money and get a place together and have the baby. We tried to reason with her and asked her to go to planned parenthood and discuss it with them and she said she is not having an abortion because her birthmother did not have one. I told her her bm had two abortions before her and she was in no position to have a baby. We went over all the ramifications of this deicison and she left in a huff.

    We have her under our insurance policy but there is no pregnancy coverage. I am sick and so disgusted.

  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh, Nancy, I don't know what to write. But I couldn't read this and write nothing. . . I am so so sorry and I will be thinking of you
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aww, hugs, Nancy. I'm so sorry. Sending prayers for your family.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member


    Ok, don't panic. It's not necessarily the end of the world for her to have this baby and even keep the baby and raise him/her. It could turn out to be the thing that gets her turned around. I think she needs to start looking for a support system though for pregnant moms who have addiction issues. I also think it's obvious at this point that with her, a 3-6 mo or even 12 mo "program" is not enough to turn her into a easy child. She and everyone else in the family needs to just accept that. The main thing to me would be seeing to it that she doesn't use mood altering substances of any sort while she's pregnant.

    Talking her into abortion or adoption when she isn't comfortable with that could come back to haunt you even worse.
  5. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Tell her to give me a call and I will tell her first hand what is like to raise with a child with Fetal alcohol syndrome. Even some drugs are safer. Keep it maybe, but I hope she can love the baby more than she loves drinking. I am so sorry for you. What a mess. it is one of my biggest fears.

    I told my mom that if my kids wanted to raise a baby before they were good and ready, there was no way I was helping. She was shocked. But I am done. Raising them has taken too much out of me, and if they are really not ready =acting like a difficult child, I foresee all sorts of issues with baby's developmental and mental health. I'm done, done, done (and realistically probably have at least five more years of intensive parenting ahead of me).

    Oh I am sorry for you. It just complicates all the detachment issues.
  6. MuM_of_OCD_kiddo

    MuM_of_OCD_kiddo New Member

    Not much one can say to this that hasn't probably gone through your own head... Hugs!!!
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    ((((HUGS)))) So sorry.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    From experience I understand your shock and pain. Sadly I also know that you can't control what her decisions are regarding the or later. Sending heartfelt hugs of support. DDD
  9. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    sending hugs and prayers Rabbit
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm so sorry.
  11. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member


    This is hard. Keep taking care of yourself and keep reading your Melody Beattie books and such -- your own program. I know you have been doing this -- I read your other "relapse" thread.

    difficult child could be identifying with her birthmother, who knows? Or even impelled, genetically I mean, to follow this path. Lately I have been thinking of how little I know (meaning -- nothing) about my boys' genetics. It is a barrier. One that we have lived with willingly, but a barrier nonetheless.

    But I sure see my husband acting like his mom (scary) and me acting like my own parents (scary). But our knowledge of our own parents explains some inexplicable behavior and saved our marriage more than once.

    difficult child's destiny will unfold. Try to be easy with it. (Sounds preachy I know -- but I'm working on these issues myself right now so my thoughts are coming more from my own lessons, than my sometimes inexhaustible fount of sanctimonious words).

    When I quit drinking I never had a relapse; well I guess you could say I was on a "dry drunk" for awhile (about nine years lol). But lately I am frequently relapsing into some of my co-dependent behaviors, even if it's just my own thoughts. It's a long road.

    xxoo and all my best thoughts to you and yours
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2011
  12. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm so sorry for your heartache. So many blows and disappointments.
    Her reasoning is not you well know.
    As you have already done, try to guide her to planned parenthood...all options, etc. But let the pain go.
    In the mean time, I hope you can re-direct yourself, step up your self care and find peace and happiness admist this whirlwind of confusion and despair.
    You are in my (our) thoughts and prayers.
  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    (((hugs))) Nancy.

    If she's determined to keep the baby, I hope for both their sakes it becomes what turns her life around.
  14. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Sending supportive thoughts your way... I'm so sorry this precious baby has been conceived this way and that you are once again faced with being dragged into difficult child's chaos.
  15. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I feel like a heartless *itch right now, but for a long time I have been angry at your difficult child (okay, my issues with my own adopted kids). She has no respect for anyone, least of all herself. Bull to the koi about her birthmother!!! That woman wasn't EVER in the trenches with her. You deserve her respect and she keeps on kicking you in the teeth. I don't care about her addiction, this is about an embrionic, precious human being.
  16. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    I very much agree.
  17. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Nancy.
  18. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Nancy - I continue to keep you in my thoughts. I'm just so saddened to hear this. I cannot begin to imagine your distress. Many gentle hugs to you.
  19. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tourette's Syndrome I couldn't agree more. I am sick of her "issues." This baby should never have been conceived and faces a certain very dismal future. This angers me to no end. There are women who should never have kids and she is one of them. What she has done to her body in the past few months causes me to panic when I think of a baby being exposed. I am sick and tired of her issues with her bm, she didn't give two thoughts about difficult child, only had her because she had had two abortions and the dr sd she may be infertile because of scar tissue if she had a third.

    I am sick to my stomach.

  20. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I thank God every day that we were able to get the implant into Kanga during a 'good' spell; two more years of protection. But I think in 2 years and 1 month, she will be pg because she 'wants a baby', the same way she 'wants' new shoes. I doubt the baby will survive the year.