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Shifting into a new phase of detachment
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 655938" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>The same kinds of things have happened between my D H <em>and our daughter, </em>Jabber.</p><p></p><p>That doesn't make it right, and it doesn't make it anywhere he ever wanted to be with his child. Both times, she was physically attacking me. Something snapped.</p><p></p><p>He put a stop to it.</p><p></p><p>It was too ugly to accept. He acted out of reflex.</p><p></p><p>None of us knew what to do with that after it was over either, Jabber.</p><p></p><p>Shame and anger and this sense of shocked disbelief that this potential was even in us, that we could be that person, that this could have happened to all of us. </p><p></p><p>Regret.</p><p></p><p>Similar things have happened with our son. That was male on male though, and our son had not attacked me.</p><p></p><p>Each of us, if we have been at this long enough, has been where you are, Jabber. Surviving this stuff gets to be one shocking revelation about who we are at the far edges <em>and nothing works and nothing helps.</em></p><p></p><p>We get it.</p><p></p><p>You are a good man.</p><p></p><p>Now you know a little more about who you are. So does your son. Together, you go on from here. Love is stronger than what happened.</p><p></p><p>We learn as we go, Jabber. There is no way not to pull a trigger we didn't know existed. Once we know the trigger is there, we are able to avoid that particular trigger in future. </p><p></p><p>But there will always be another.</p><p></p><p>They say the broken places are where the light gets in (or out).</p><p></p><p>No one said it (growth or self knowledge or the development of compassion) was pleasant.</p><p></p><p>Only people who have never had to live it think that.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening, Jabber and Lil.</p><p></p><p>You are strong, and you are determined, enough.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 655938, member: 17461"] The same kinds of things have happened between my D H [I]and our daughter, [/I]Jabber. That doesn't make it right, and it doesn't make it anywhere he ever wanted to be with his child. Both times, she was physically attacking me. Something snapped. He put a stop to it. It was too ugly to accept. He acted out of reflex. None of us knew what to do with that after it was over either, Jabber. Shame and anger and this sense of shocked disbelief that this potential was even in us, that we could be that person, that this could have happened to all of us. Regret. Similar things have happened with our son. That was male on male though, and our son had not attacked me. Each of us, if we have been at this long enough, has been where you are, Jabber. Surviving this stuff gets to be one shocking revelation about who we are at the far edges [I]and nothing works and nothing helps.[/I] We get it. You are a good man. Now you know a little more about who you are. So does your son. Together, you go on from here. Love is stronger than what happened. We learn as we go, Jabber. There is no way not to pull a trigger we didn't know existed. Once we know the trigger is there, we are able to avoid that particular trigger in future. But there will always be another. They say the broken places are where the light gets in (or out). No one said it (growth or self knowledge or the development of compassion) was pleasant. Only people who have never had to live it think that. I am sorry this is happening, Jabber and Lil. You are strong, and you are determined, enough. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Shifting into a new phase of detachment
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