Shopping with difficult child-UGH!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Jun 21, 2012.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    husband and I weren't looking forward to taking difficult child shopping but our niece is getting married this weekend and he needed a pair of dress pants.

    Unfortunately we were right not to be looking forward to it.

    difficult child has so little social skills or just doesn't care (more like a bit of both).

    First we got to the store and returned some shirts that were too small from him. He wanders off to find a bubbler for a drink of water and wanders back about 10 minutes later (I'm sure he was confused but it was still frustrating).

    Then we started looking at pants. He keeps purposely touching me on my butt which he knows is a huge no. I told him to stop or I would embarrass him in the store. He kept it up so I raised my voice and told him to stop touching my butt. He sure didn't like that.

    Next we go to the dressing room. difficult child keeps slamming the door (multiple times-every time he tries something on and shows it to us). Next he tries to throw his pants over the dressing room door and barely got them down and they were full of dust.

    After we were looking at shirts and went back to the dressing room and he purposely knocks on the door of one that is locked even though two were open.

    We headed to the food court for a quick bite and difficult child keeps crossing in front of me. Although he acts like it is not on purpose it is.

    The final straw was heading out to the car and he purposely cuts in front of my and bumps into my arm (wouldn't be surprised if I get a bruise).

    Most of the time we don't take difficult child shopping with us but when we have to I'm ready to SCREAM!!!!!!!
  2. All of our lives are difficult enough behind closed doors but going out in public just takes it to a whole other level doesn't it?
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I try not to take difficult child 1 shopping either. He doesn't do those embarrassing or childish things but he wants to get what HE wants and then leave. Doesn't matter what difficult child 2 and I need. When it comes to clothes, he finds what he likes and finds the same size as he's wearing (no matter that sizes vary from brand to brand & style to style), grabs them and when I tell him to try them on, he tells me I can always return them if they don't fit. UH NO! THAT'S when the defiance starts. When we get home, it's like nothing ever happened (as far as HE'S concerned). Yeah, I hear ya'.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Let me guess.
    Most of this shopping happens in the evening.
    difficult child 1 has sensory processing disorder (SPD)... and probably has some challenges (whether known or not) with dressing.
    So, you're taking a kid who's already brain-dead, and asking him to do something that requires neuromotor planning and execution that maybe beyond what he can handle.
    Of course... this happens at 10 on Sat morning too, right? Expected that. Because... the other pattern is so engrained that he now expects there to be problems, so doesn't try.

    Get a small sewing tape and carry it with you. Memorize his current inseam, allow for growth... and you can tell if the length is right without putting them on.
    Pant waist - I've never done it but know people who swear by it: button the front waistband, fold it in half again, and wrap it around his neck. if it meets, it fits, Overlap is too big, gap is too small. Theory is that your waist is always 4x your neck.
    Shirts - turn his back to you, take the back of the shirt, and see if the shoulder seams land at the right place. Can check sleeve length for long sleeves at the same time, as well as length of the shirt body.

    There, he just "tried on" all those clothes, with no work.

    I had to learn all this because, with difficult child's Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD), it really WAS too much effort to try on multiple items in the store. A jacket - fine. Shoes - OK. Anything else... we learned the tricks.
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    My mom was a seamstress and she did all of those things when she would take my two sisters and I school clothes shopping. It sure saved time!!! I did it with my girls also.

    difficult child was a pita shopping mostly because she didn't want to go or became bored so she would hide in clothes racks and freak me out. Bobs once had to announce a Code Adam because we couldn't find her. Grrrr. Oh the public annoyances and meltdowns, sends shivers down my spine!
  6. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    No advice, been there done that and it rots!! Many hugs.... SFR
  7. Hearts & Roses - been there done that with our difficult child - he hid in the blind display at Home Depot and they had to call a code Adam because we couldn't find him anywhere. difficult child thought it was hilarious - I did not.

    Wiped Out - Sorry you had such a bad experience. I usually go buy my kids clothes and bring them home to try on but I understand that's not always feasible. Insane had some great ideas. Hopefully they may help next time.
  8. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I can totally relate. I'm sorry that it was such a bad shopping trip, but at least it's over now and you (hopefully) won't have to take him again for quite a while!! difficult child is not great about shoppng either. If I can, I shop for him while he's at school. Yes, I might have to return things that he doesn't like, but it's better than having to deal with his nonsense on the store.


    I keep seeing this touching and tapping issue come up on different threads. My son does the same thing. What's that about...anyone know?
  10. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I have two theories on this.

    1. It's a sensory thing. I think that it beings comfort of some sort (is that a sensory thing?)

    2. I know that some will completely disagree with me, but there are times when I truly think that they do it because they know they aren't not supposed to do it, it's a button pusher issue, and they do it because it gets attention.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This is why I let my mother deal with most clothing for my kids. She actually LIKES it, and I hate it. She goes and brings home what she thinks they will like, then has them try them on at her house. They cooperate for her and are total PITA's for me. I offer to pay, but she never lets me. Heck, she came up with an idea for clothing for people like me who cannot tolerate waistbands of any kind (makes my IBS go nuts and my abdomen swell up 3-4 sizes in an hour or less - every waistband does this) so she just bought a ton of clothes for ME and had me try them on at her house, lol.

    I vote for getting a gma that he will behave for and letting her do it. I would share my mom, but she is pretty busy lately and you don't live close to us. When Wiz entered school at age I realized we had spent less than $50 for clothes for him in his entire life. His wardrobe was incredible, wouldn't fit in his closet and dresser, there was just way too much because Gma bought clothes for hm at every store she went into, even the gas station!
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thank you all! I have never really thought of difficult child as having serious sensory issues but I will have to give that more thought. As for a grandma shopping, would never work. husband's and my mom are relatively immobile. Plus he definitely wouldn't listen to my mom.