Should be an interesting Thanksgiving dinner

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by katya02, Nov 25, 2010.

  1. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    difficult child 1's three sibs are home for the holiday. We haven't kept them up on all the details of difficult child 1 and girlfriend's progress, so hearing how things are going has pretty much made them flip out. difficult child 1 had a relapse with both drinking and Ativan use; he actually OD'd on Ativan and girlfriend didn't call 911 or us; I saw difficult child 1 thirty-six hours later and he still had very high levels. But he wasn't in danger of respiratory arrest and basically needed to be weaned off the benzos at that point and he refused to see anyone. He's trying depakote now for a mood stabilizer and has major GI issues with it, but his psychiatrist (a PA actually) wants him to continue. We don't see much of him, and when that happens it usually means he's drinking. girlfriend still isn't back at work. difficult child 1 tells me she's supposed to go back the first week of December. So where her half of the rent and utilities are going to come from, heaven knows. Obviously she figures it's all coming from us. We haven't made up our minds yet; if they get evicted for nonpayment of rent it will have more effect on difficult child 1 than on her.

    And the sibs are livid about all of it. difficult child 1 and girlfriend are supposed to be coming over for Thanksgiving dinner early this afternoon. It's not going to be one of those idealized Norman Rockwell scenes, that's for sure. :( Wish us luck.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Good Luck katya. It may not be the TIME for these issues to be brought up but it is something that apparently needs to be said. Let sibs do the talking. It sounds like girlfriend might be somewhat toxic for difficult child 1.
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Good luck. I agree with TeDo.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Lots of luck today Katya. TeDo may be right, there are things that need to be said to these kids and it may be received better coming from sibs rather than parents.

    Hope the meal goes well.

  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you and the kids get some time to enjoy each other! TeDO is likely right that he may take what is said better from the sibs than from you. Let the sibs say what they want, with-o you stepping into the middle of it. I am SURE they are NOT in favor of his lifestyle and addictions, and esp the way he leans on you and upsets you (NOT saying that he leans on you too much or too little, or making ANY judgements or comments on your relationship with difficult child, just saying that your other kids likely feel protective of you and upset at the way he treats you. in my opinion it is pretty common in situations with adult children.). They are likely to want to let him know how angry and upset they are.

    I will say that his relapse shouldn't really surprise anyone. He has gone through a LOT in the last year. First the whole situation with his girlfriend and her hoarding difficult child mother and all those cats. Then losing his child, the drama over the funeral from her mother, all the drama from the girlfriend recently, it is all a whole lot for anyone to handle. It isn't really a shock to find that he has had a major relapse. Going to the psychiatrist and getting new medications is a VERY positive thing. Hopefully his system will adjust to the depakote and he will be able to go back to a sober life with some treatment and support. He may need the sibs to give him a kick in the derriere to "kick start" the process, but even if he doesn't get one, he can still go back to sobriety.

    I hope you enjoy your kids all being there today!