I posted some months ago asking for advice on appealing our insurance carrier's denial of coverage for difficult child's Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) treatment. First, I want to say thank you for all the helpful advice I got in response. Second, an update: my first level appeal was denied. (It was as if they did not even read the long and detailed appeal letter I wrote, but why am I not surprised?) Next step: an external appeal. I am not overly hopeful, but I am not yet ready to give up the fight.
I am back now with another practical question: now that difficult child is back home and looking for a job, after three months of rehab, how does he handle his time in rehab on job applications and on his resume? Should he disclose it, maybe trying to give it a positive spin, or not? If not, how does he explain the huge gap in his (extremely limited) work experience?
More detail (maybe too much to read!): difficult child, who just turned 20, graduated high school two years ago. He had been admitted to college, but decided to defer admission for a year to try to get some real-life experience (i.e., a job) and just to have a break from academics. (He is a smart, creative kid, but has ADD and the resulting executive function issues, which made school a trial -- for him and his parents!). The plan to take a gap year was approved by his college and by husband and me.
Unfortunately, things did not go well. It took difficult child forever (like, six months) to finally get a job. It was in a fast-food restaurant, which was fine, so once he got the job, I figured -- well, it took him way too long to get the job, but now that he has it, maybe things will look up. He actually did seem to like the job, but I realized after a while that he just wasn't getting called in often. Finally, he was told that he could hand out flyers in front of the restaurant for as many hours a week as he wanted. This was in the middle of a freezing cold period in the dead of winter, and he could not stand doing it for long. Finally, he quit the job, with plans to look for another.
I found out much later that the reason he was eased out of that job was that one day he had come into work high, and he told his manager that! (He is honest, at least, but obviously does not have good judgment.) His manager actually liked difficult child -- he is at heart a good, very likeable kid -- and for that reason, did not fire him on the spot, and instead gave him the option of handing out flyers.
So within just a couple months, difficult child was out of work. He looked for another job very half-heartedly. Meanwhile, he started up a very intense relationship with a young woman who is four years older than he is. She is smart and beautiful, and he loved her very much, but -- she is a drug user, and was just not good for him. After a few months she broke up with difficult child, and he took it badly. He ended up pretty seriously depressed, and early last summer, ended up spending ten days in a psychiatric facility.
It was in a family therapy session at the psychiatric facility that I learned how serious difficult child's drug use was. I should have known, I know -- I was so blind to all the signs! But anyway, at least I finally knew. (His drug-of-choice is marijuana, although he has used other drugs as well.)
Once difficult child was discharged from the psychiatric facility, his gap year was almost over, and it was time for him to start college. The question we were faced with was whether he was ready to go to college, or should he go into serious drug rehab instead? In consultation with his regular psychiatrist and another psychiatrist who specializes in addiction treatment, husband and I decided to send him off to college, in hopes that he was ready for a fresh start. I did know, though, that this experiment might fail.
So difficult child started in college, a small liberal arts college several states away. He loved it there, and was doing very, very well at first. As the weeks went by, though, his grades began to fall. He admitted to his adviser (a wonderful and wise woman) that he was using marijuana pretty much every day. She suggested that he take a medical leave of absence to deal with his substance abuse problems. difficult child agreed, and was back home after just seven weeks of college.
difficult child was initially on board with the rehab plan, but once he got home, he decided that he did not need it, after all. husband and I finally told him that he had a choice: go to rehab, or go out on his own. He chose to be on his own, and for a couple months, just couch-surfed with friends. (He's lucky he has a lot of friends, but unlucky that so many of them are drug users.) Finally, in January of this year, he got tired of the couch-surfing life, and agreed to go to rehab.
He did one month of primary care in an Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), but then refused to go to extended care. So he did another month of being on his own, before agreeing to extended care. He finally went to the extended care Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) for a two-month stay, which he recently finished. He is back home, in recovery, and wants to find another job (probably fast-food).
So here we are, two full years after he graduated college, and his only job experience is a few months at a fast food place about a year and a half ago. He just wasted a lot of the rest of the time, and also spent a total of three months in residential rehab.
Is there any chance he can get hired with that kind of resume??? He has asked me for advice, and I don't really know what to say. Maybe the best bet is for him just to be honest, but -- I don't see him getting a lot of job offers that way.
Anyone been there done that, and have any advice??
I am back now with another practical question: now that difficult child is back home and looking for a job, after three months of rehab, how does he handle his time in rehab on job applications and on his resume? Should he disclose it, maybe trying to give it a positive spin, or not? If not, how does he explain the huge gap in his (extremely limited) work experience?
More detail (maybe too much to read!): difficult child, who just turned 20, graduated high school two years ago. He had been admitted to college, but decided to defer admission for a year to try to get some real-life experience (i.e., a job) and just to have a break from academics. (He is a smart, creative kid, but has ADD and the resulting executive function issues, which made school a trial -- for him and his parents!). The plan to take a gap year was approved by his college and by husband and me.
Unfortunately, things did not go well. It took difficult child forever (like, six months) to finally get a job. It was in a fast-food restaurant, which was fine, so once he got the job, I figured -- well, it took him way too long to get the job, but now that he has it, maybe things will look up. He actually did seem to like the job, but I realized after a while that he just wasn't getting called in often. Finally, he was told that he could hand out flyers in front of the restaurant for as many hours a week as he wanted. This was in the middle of a freezing cold period in the dead of winter, and he could not stand doing it for long. Finally, he quit the job, with plans to look for another.
I found out much later that the reason he was eased out of that job was that one day he had come into work high, and he told his manager that! (He is honest, at least, but obviously does not have good judgment.) His manager actually liked difficult child -- he is at heart a good, very likeable kid -- and for that reason, did not fire him on the spot, and instead gave him the option of handing out flyers.
So within just a couple months, difficult child was out of work. He looked for another job very half-heartedly. Meanwhile, he started up a very intense relationship with a young woman who is four years older than he is. She is smart and beautiful, and he loved her very much, but -- she is a drug user, and was just not good for him. After a few months she broke up with difficult child, and he took it badly. He ended up pretty seriously depressed, and early last summer, ended up spending ten days in a psychiatric facility.
It was in a family therapy session at the psychiatric facility that I learned how serious difficult child's drug use was. I should have known, I know -- I was so blind to all the signs! But anyway, at least I finally knew. (His drug-of-choice is marijuana, although he has used other drugs as well.)
Once difficult child was discharged from the psychiatric facility, his gap year was almost over, and it was time for him to start college. The question we were faced with was whether he was ready to go to college, or should he go into serious drug rehab instead? In consultation with his regular psychiatrist and another psychiatrist who specializes in addiction treatment, husband and I decided to send him off to college, in hopes that he was ready for a fresh start. I did know, though, that this experiment might fail.
So difficult child started in college, a small liberal arts college several states away. He loved it there, and was doing very, very well at first. As the weeks went by, though, his grades began to fall. He admitted to his adviser (a wonderful and wise woman) that he was using marijuana pretty much every day. She suggested that he take a medical leave of absence to deal with his substance abuse problems. difficult child agreed, and was back home after just seven weeks of college.
difficult child was initially on board with the rehab plan, but once he got home, he decided that he did not need it, after all. husband and I finally told him that he had a choice: go to rehab, or go out on his own. He chose to be on his own, and for a couple months, just couch-surfed with friends. (He's lucky he has a lot of friends, but unlucky that so many of them are drug users.) Finally, in January of this year, he got tired of the couch-surfing life, and agreed to go to rehab.
He did one month of primary care in an Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), but then refused to go to extended care. So he did another month of being on his own, before agreeing to extended care. He finally went to the extended care Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) for a two-month stay, which he recently finished. He is back home, in recovery, and wants to find another job (probably fast-food).
So here we are, two full years after he graduated college, and his only job experience is a few months at a fast food place about a year and a half ago. He just wasted a lot of the rest of the time, and also spent a total of three months in residential rehab.
Is there any chance he can get hired with that kind of resume??? He has asked me for advice, and I don't really know what to say. Maybe the best bet is for him just to be honest, but -- I don't see him getting a lot of job offers that way.
Anyone been there done that, and have any advice??
Last edited: