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Should he go to the wedding?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 631910" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>IAD, if difficult child said he doesn't want to go, why would anybody try to make him go? </p><p></p><p>Boundaries. </p><p></p><p>Who knows if he is drinking or not? He'll either drink or he won't. Why would you put that kind of stress on all of you to have him at a wedding he doesn't want to go to (for whatever reason) and then you'll be stressed all night, watching and waiting for a scene.</p><p></p><p>We have to listen to people. We have to listen to what they say. If they said, no, this isn't something I want to do, we have to accept it. We have to go ahead and do our thing, and respect their choice.</p><p></p><p>I think this is the essence of boundaries.</p><p></p><p>Having said that, you should not be navigating between your son and your husband. You can't protect and manage all of these folks. Let them have a talk about the wedding, without you anywhere around. If they have an argument, so be it. They're both grown people. </p><p></p><p>I remember one time long long ago, when I first started therapy. I was upset because I thought my husband, my two sons' father, did not have enough patience with them when they were little. He would fly off the handle, get irritated, at the smallest thing. I found myself running interference and "protecting" my kids from their own father. My therapist put the kibosh on that real quick. She said, get out of the middle. They will have their own relationship sink or swim whatever it is. Leave them alone and let them have it. </p><p></p><p>Great words. </p><p></p><p>I am glad your son is stating what he wants. I hope your husband can hear and respect that. </p><p></p><p>And YOU need a break. You can't save these people, IAD, no matter what. They will have to save themselves.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs. Take a break. Get off the merry go round.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 631910, member: 17542"] IAD, if difficult child said he doesn't want to go, why would anybody try to make him go? Boundaries. Who knows if he is drinking or not? He'll either drink or he won't. Why would you put that kind of stress on all of you to have him at a wedding he doesn't want to go to (for whatever reason) and then you'll be stressed all night, watching and waiting for a scene. We have to listen to people. We have to listen to what they say. If they said, no, this isn't something I want to do, we have to accept it. We have to go ahead and do our thing, and respect their choice. I think this is the essence of boundaries. Having said that, you should not be navigating between your son and your husband. You can't protect and manage all of these folks. Let them have a talk about the wedding, without you anywhere around. If they have an argument, so be it. They're both grown people. I remember one time long long ago, when I first started therapy. I was upset because I thought my husband, my two sons' father, did not have enough patience with them when they were little. He would fly off the handle, get irritated, at the smallest thing. I found myself running interference and "protecting" my kids from their own father. My therapist put the kibosh on that real quick. She said, get out of the middle. They will have their own relationship sink or swim whatever it is. Leave them alone and let them have it. Great words. I am glad your son is stating what he wants. I hope your husband can hear and respect that. And YOU need a break. You can't save these people, IAD, no matter what. They will have to save themselves. Warm hugs. Take a break. Get off the merry go round. [/QUOTE]
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Should he go to the wedding?
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