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Should he go to the wedding?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 631962" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>When I need to get out of the middle (and somehow, I still seem to find myself there sometimes), it helps me to see the situation in terms of respect.</p><p></p><p>I need to respect that the other parties involved are capable of managing their relationships to one another without me smoothing everything over.</p><p></p><p>How else can any of us learn to manage ourselves? Mistakes will be made. It will not be perfect.</p><p></p><p>And that is where it gets to be about me.</p><p></p><p>I am the one who will move Heaven and earth for things to be perfect.</p><p></p><p>But perfect isn't real.</p><p></p><p>So I needed to let go of that.</p><p></p><p>It's really uncomfortable for me to let things not be perfectly resolved. But what I am learning as I back away from taking responsibility for every blessed thing is that...well. I was going to say something about everything working just fine without me. But that's not right, either. Things have been uncomfortably hanging there right in front of me.</p><p></p><p>It's been really hard, has left me feeling irresponsible. Initially, there were explosions everywhere. Now, things are coming into balance.</p><p></p><p>husband describes this phase of our lives as getting to live without his muzzle on.</p><p></p><p>!?!</p><p></p><p>Now, I try so hard to just listen.</p><p></p><p>I remind myself that those in my family have the right to define themselves and their relationships to one another.</p><p></p><p>It really is a hard thing to do.</p><p></p><p>For all those reasons, if you can manage to love them enough to let them have the experience of figuring it out for themselves, whatever the consequences, that is what I think would be best.</p><p></p><p>It's way harder to do that though, than it is to fix everything. It helps me so much to post my way through it.</p><p></p><p>Everyone here is so supportive.</p><p></p><p>Wishing well with this, Dazey.</p><p></p><p>It's been really hard for me.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 631962, member: 17461"] When I need to get out of the middle (and somehow, I still seem to find myself there sometimes), it helps me to see the situation in terms of respect. I need to respect that the other parties involved are capable of managing their relationships to one another without me smoothing everything over. How else can any of us learn to manage ourselves? Mistakes will be made. It will not be perfect. And that is where it gets to be about me. I am the one who will move Heaven and earth for things to be perfect. But perfect isn't real. So I needed to let go of that. It's really uncomfortable for me to let things not be perfectly resolved. But what I am learning as I back away from taking responsibility for every blessed thing is that...well. I was going to say something about everything working just fine without me. But that's not right, either. Things have been uncomfortably hanging there right in front of me. It's been really hard, has left me feeling irresponsible. Initially, there were explosions everywhere. Now, things are coming into balance. husband describes this phase of our lives as getting to live without his muzzle on. !?! Now, I try so hard to just listen. I remind myself that those in my family have the right to define themselves and their relationships to one another. It really is a hard thing to do. For all those reasons, if you can manage to love them enough to let them have the experience of figuring it out for themselves, whatever the consequences, that is what I think would be best. It's way harder to do that though, than it is to fix everything. It helps me so much to post my way through it. Everyone here is so supportive. Wishing well with this, Dazey. It's been really hard for me. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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