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Should I Be Miffed??
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<blockquote data-quote="WhymeMom?" data-source="post: 70160" data-attributes="member: 53"><p>Not sure of all your circumstances, but some people are just not cut out to deal with care of an aging parent. I'm not saying you are either, but maybe part of the reason your mom will not go to an assisted care living residence is that she has your family to "do" for her. If that were not available would she consider assisted living? </p><p>My husband's parents finally made the decision on their own. They presently live in a town house--one level "villa" type thing that is just outside the building where they can get medical care if they need it. They have their own furniture there and still drive---sometimes makes me cringe, but even at 88 and 85 they are still quite mobile. They are in an area where they can be involved in activities if they want to and rides are readily available if needed. I know their care would have easily fallen to me and I would have stepped up to do it, but don't think I would have been the best choice. I think many of these homes have a bad reputation as warehousing the aged and so no one wants to consider that as they get older. The place where my inlaws went is very well kept and most of the people who work there have been there at least ten years or more. It was an excellent choice for them and they are smart enough to know that they didn't want to saddle their kids with making such decisions when they started to lose their health....</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure what your brother in law's family was thinking, but they do have a right to live where they want and find a job where they want...just as you do.... If I were you I would check out nearby areas for assisted living places and go visit....if you find one you like maybe talk to her about it....For heaven's sake at least find a place where the yard work would be done by someone else. In my opinion a 94 year old should not even be living alone in a place with a yard....I know you would probably have to blast her out, but if she is in this condition how can she even live alone and do day to day stuff.....There are also programs out there designed especially for the aged....meals on wheels, visiting nurses, etc. I think if you don't set up these things you are doing a disservice to yourselves.....going to her home one day and finding her on the floor with a broken hip would not be a good thing....you don't need that added guilt and frankly I wouldn't waste another minute steaming about husband's brother and his family. It's done and they are out of there, so decide what YOU want to do or NOT do and go with that...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WhymeMom?, post: 70160, member: 53"] Not sure of all your circumstances, but some people are just not cut out to deal with care of an aging parent. I'm not saying you are either, but maybe part of the reason your mom will not go to an assisted care living residence is that she has your family to "do" for her. If that were not available would she consider assisted living? My husband's parents finally made the decision on their own. They presently live in a town house--one level "villa" type thing that is just outside the building where they can get medical care if they need it. They have their own furniture there and still drive---sometimes makes me cringe, but even at 88 and 85 they are still quite mobile. They are in an area where they can be involved in activities if they want to and rides are readily available if needed. I know their care would have easily fallen to me and I would have stepped up to do it, but don't think I would have been the best choice. I think many of these homes have a bad reputation as warehousing the aged and so no one wants to consider that as they get older. The place where my inlaws went is very well kept and most of the people who work there have been there at least ten years or more. It was an excellent choice for them and they are smart enough to know that they didn't want to saddle their kids with making such decisions when they started to lose their health.... I'm not sure what your brother in law's family was thinking, but they do have a right to live where they want and find a job where they want...just as you do.... If I were you I would check out nearby areas for assisted living places and go visit....if you find one you like maybe talk to her about it....For heaven's sake at least find a place where the yard work would be done by someone else. In my opinion a 94 year old should not even be living alone in a place with a yard....I know you would probably have to blast her out, but if she is in this condition how can she even live alone and do day to day stuff.....There are also programs out there designed especially for the aged....meals on wheels, visiting nurses, etc. I think if you don't set up these things you are doing a disservice to yourselves.....going to her home one day and finding her on the floor with a broken hip would not be a good thing....you don't need that added guilt and frankly I wouldn't waste another minute steaming about husband's brother and his family. It's done and they are out of there, so decide what YOU want to do or NOT do and go with that... [/QUOTE]
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