Marguerite
Active Member
DaisyFace, what if you try to avoid challenging her on the "Is it real?" angle quite so hard? You can still inject some balance by putting in terms of "There is still some discussion on this," or simply ask her, "Is it in the DSMIV criteria?"
If you put it as questions, especially ones she will need to check up on for herself, then she will hopefully be less likely to fly off the handle.
The concern expressed here is that she's not really hinged in reality but is hiding this from the therapist.
Let's look at the mirror image, what she sees you doing - at the therapist's, she was allowed to talk about Renfield Sydnrome. You said nothing at the therapist's about Renfield not being a genuine condition; in fact a lot of the questions carried the implication that Renfield's is real. "Do you think you have it?" and her answer, "No, because I don't have the symptoms."
Her answer implied it is legitimate and this apparently was not challenged. You did not challenge it at the therapist.
And now you're alone together, you challenge it. At least this is how she sees your behaviour - secretive and unstable.
I'm not saying you are, but this is what she could be possibly seeing in you - someone who says one thing to the therapist and another to her.
I think at the moment it is really important for her to make a solid attempt on tis paper and not have the opportunity to blame you in any way (even unfairly) for any blemish or deficit in that report. Because really, this report is going to argue your case much more effectively than anything else.
So let her have her head. I agree with your suggestions to her about the questions, but with all of it, leave it as suggestions. You don't want her saying, "Mum made me write this," in any way whatsoever.
It is going to be like watching train wreck in slow motion, you need to sit on your hands.
And the controversy over the diagnosis being legit or not? Ask her to outline the history of Renfield's Synrome from its first description to the present day. WHich doctors proposed it, which argued for or against it, where the land lies now. If she wants to add an opinion piece on what she thinks of the situation, then let her - that is a good idea.
Right now it seems really important to her to cling to this belief. The more you try to being it up, the more oppositional she's getting about it. You are not going to change her mind; in fact, the more you insist, the more she is going to cling to this chauvinistic idea on principle (one wonders if Nicholas Chauvin had ODD?)
Eery time you report a problem with her, it seems to have centred around you trying to get her to see this with some balance. I agree she needs balance, but
1) she's not taking it from you;
2) Balance from you is not balance from her, it is imposed from without and therefore is not really in independent existence in her head, therefore can only mask the problems and not really help.
This is not easy; but then it's been a nightmare for you lately anyway. I do think you need to let this train wreck happen (or at least let the train get a little closer to the oncoming truck so other people can see it too) because if you don't, the problems will continue to get worse until a bigger train wreck is on the horizon.
I also wonder if a part of the blow-up with you was because when she tries to get down to work, there is this barrier in her head, a sort of uncertainty over where to start next. We all have experienced tis at some time, that initial writer's block - but I suspect she wants this to be perfect (in her opinion) and therefore is setting it up for failure unwittingly. I remember doing the same thing myself with essays at uni, at a time when I was badly stressed. One essay was brilliant, I had written it on parasitology and it was almost complete, it just needed a couple of concluding sentences. But I couldn't think of them and the deadline ticked up and past, and the essay was never handed in. My stress had triggered an exacerbation of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and anxiety, it paralysed me and shot my performance down in flames.
SO try to keep her anxiety down, try to let her make her own mistakes in the writing but yes, phrase your suggestions as questions and let HER own the choices she makes with this.
I know that means still tiptoeing over eggshells, but this paper is vital for her treatment, as much as for school. The more she has control over what and how she writes it, the more it will show the problems.
Last suggestion - you need to keep your own secret b/u copy of tis paper as it progresses in case she gets totally upset and deletes the whole thing. If she does, let her face the consequences of this in school, but show the drafts to the therapist.
Marg
If you put it as questions, especially ones she will need to check up on for herself, then she will hopefully be less likely to fly off the handle.
The concern expressed here is that she's not really hinged in reality but is hiding this from the therapist.
Let's look at the mirror image, what she sees you doing - at the therapist's, she was allowed to talk about Renfield Sydnrome. You said nothing at the therapist's about Renfield not being a genuine condition; in fact a lot of the questions carried the implication that Renfield's is real. "Do you think you have it?" and her answer, "No, because I don't have the symptoms."
Her answer implied it is legitimate and this apparently was not challenged. You did not challenge it at the therapist.
And now you're alone together, you challenge it. At least this is how she sees your behaviour - secretive and unstable.
I'm not saying you are, but this is what she could be possibly seeing in you - someone who says one thing to the therapist and another to her.
I think at the moment it is really important for her to make a solid attempt on tis paper and not have the opportunity to blame you in any way (even unfairly) for any blemish or deficit in that report. Because really, this report is going to argue your case much more effectively than anything else.
So let her have her head. I agree with your suggestions to her about the questions, but with all of it, leave it as suggestions. You don't want her saying, "Mum made me write this," in any way whatsoever.
It is going to be like watching train wreck in slow motion, you need to sit on your hands.
And the controversy over the diagnosis being legit or not? Ask her to outline the history of Renfield's Synrome from its first description to the present day. WHich doctors proposed it, which argued for or against it, where the land lies now. If she wants to add an opinion piece on what she thinks of the situation, then let her - that is a good idea.
Right now it seems really important to her to cling to this belief. The more you try to being it up, the more oppositional she's getting about it. You are not going to change her mind; in fact, the more you insist, the more she is going to cling to this chauvinistic idea on principle (one wonders if Nicholas Chauvin had ODD?)
Eery time you report a problem with her, it seems to have centred around you trying to get her to see this with some balance. I agree she needs balance, but
1) she's not taking it from you;
2) Balance from you is not balance from her, it is imposed from without and therefore is not really in independent existence in her head, therefore can only mask the problems and not really help.
This is not easy; but then it's been a nightmare for you lately anyway. I do think you need to let this train wreck happen (or at least let the train get a little closer to the oncoming truck so other people can see it too) because if you don't, the problems will continue to get worse until a bigger train wreck is on the horizon.
I also wonder if a part of the blow-up with you was because when she tries to get down to work, there is this barrier in her head, a sort of uncertainty over where to start next. We all have experienced tis at some time, that initial writer's block - but I suspect she wants this to be perfect (in her opinion) and therefore is setting it up for failure unwittingly. I remember doing the same thing myself with essays at uni, at a time when I was badly stressed. One essay was brilliant, I had written it on parasitology and it was almost complete, it just needed a couple of concluding sentences. But I couldn't think of them and the deadline ticked up and past, and the essay was never handed in. My stress had triggered an exacerbation of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and anxiety, it paralysed me and shot my performance down in flames.
SO try to keep her anxiety down, try to let her make her own mistakes in the writing but yes, phrase your suggestions as questions and let HER own the choices she makes with this.
I know that means still tiptoeing over eggshells, but this paper is vital for her treatment, as much as for school. The more she has control over what and how she writes it, the more it will show the problems.
Last suggestion - you need to keep your own secret b/u copy of tis paper as it progresses in case she gets totally upset and deletes the whole thing. If she does, let her face the consequences of this in school, but show the drafts to the therapist.
Marg