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Should I reach out or wait?
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<blockquote data-quote="Origami" data-source="post: 727632" data-attributes="member: 18099"><p>Thanks to all for your advice. I had decided not to contact him, and wait to see when he was ready to say something.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You are totally right, and I had already been thinking this. I was hurt that he was confiding in me before, and now seemed to have cut off communication. Yes, my co-dependency was definitely showing itself.</p><p></p><p>But as it turns out, I needed to step back, and things seem to be looking better. I called his wife on Saturday to see if she wanted me to keep the kids on Sunday and make dinner for her and the kids on Sunday. She surprised me by saying that my son was at her apartment taking care of the kids while she was at work, and was it OK if he came over for dinner also. Apparently he has weekend passes now but can't leave the facility during weekdays. He also has a curfew on weekends.</p><p></p><p>So, they all ended up coming over for dinner last night along with my daughter. Son seemed a little distanced and awkward at first, but he was chatting and laughing with his sister over cat videos before long. He was wearing some tags on his jacket showing how long he'd been sober, and it's up to 5 weeks. He said he shares a room with four other men, as they don't want them to be isolated. He looked healthier than I've seen him in a long time. He also has become a vegetarian. </p><p></p><p>Before he left, he took his remaining things out of the bedroom where he'd been staying, and also some of his things he'd been storing in our basement. The plan is for him to complete the program there, which I think is a couple more months, and they'll help him find a job. Then he'll get his own apartment. Apparently his wife has moved on and has been dating someone! She mentioned going out on a date while son was in the room last night, so I guess it's not a secret or anything. Just seems sad to me, as I was hoping they'd stay together. But that's not my business. They seem to be united in trying to take care of the kids, so that's important and appropriate.</p><p></p><p>Before I went to bed, I texted my son that I was glad to see him, congratulations on his progress so far, love you, and good night. He texted back a long message saying that he appreciated that, he loves me too, and he's sorry for the things he's done that hurt and upset me and the whole family. He said he's trying to get his life back together and eventually make things up to everyone, but he knows it's gong to be a long process. He also said, "Thank you for your patience and for putting up with the things I've put you through." That made me cry last night, and it's just realizing that all the worries have been weighing me down for so long, and now that he's taken on the responsibility for himself again, it's such a relief. I realize it's a long road for him, but I'm more hopeful now than I was before.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Origami, post: 727632, member: 18099"] Thanks to all for your advice. I had decided not to contact him, and wait to see when he was ready to say something. You are totally right, and I had already been thinking this. I was hurt that he was confiding in me before, and now seemed to have cut off communication. Yes, my co-dependency was definitely showing itself. But as it turns out, I needed to step back, and things seem to be looking better. I called his wife on Saturday to see if she wanted me to keep the kids on Sunday and make dinner for her and the kids on Sunday. She surprised me by saying that my son was at her apartment taking care of the kids while she was at work, and was it OK if he came over for dinner also. Apparently he has weekend passes now but can't leave the facility during weekdays. He also has a curfew on weekends. So, they all ended up coming over for dinner last night along with my daughter. Son seemed a little distanced and awkward at first, but he was chatting and laughing with his sister over cat videos before long. He was wearing some tags on his jacket showing how long he'd been sober, and it's up to 5 weeks. He said he shares a room with four other men, as they don't want them to be isolated. He looked healthier than I've seen him in a long time. He also has become a vegetarian. Before he left, he took his remaining things out of the bedroom where he'd been staying, and also some of his things he'd been storing in our basement. The plan is for him to complete the program there, which I think is a couple more months, and they'll help him find a job. Then he'll get his own apartment. Apparently his wife has moved on and has been dating someone! She mentioned going out on a date while son was in the room last night, so I guess it's not a secret or anything. Just seems sad to me, as I was hoping they'd stay together. But that's not my business. They seem to be united in trying to take care of the kids, so that's important and appropriate. Before I went to bed, I texted my son that I was glad to see him, congratulations on his progress so far, love you, and good night. He texted back a long message saying that he appreciated that, he loves me too, and he's sorry for the things he's done that hurt and upset me and the whole family. He said he's trying to get his life back together and eventually make things up to everyone, but he knows it's gong to be a long process. He also said, "Thank you for your patience and for putting up with the things I've put you through." That made me cry last night, and it's just realizing that all the worries have been weighing me down for so long, and now that he's taken on the responsibility for himself again, it's such a relief. I realize it's a long road for him, but I'm more hopeful now than I was before. [/QUOTE]
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