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Should I step in or back off...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 71134" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I third that. He shouldn't have access to that money, should have to work full time (forget the vacation--vacations are lethal for difficult children) and shouldn't be allowed to see his old friends. He should be on a very tight leash. He does not deserve sleepovers, hanging out, or any money yet. He has a lot to prove. It's only been nine days! in my opinion his good manners could well be covering for what he's doing when he's not home. Sorry not to trust him, but a stint in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) rarely miraculously changes the child. And, yes, he's still a child, mentally. I'd make him choose full time work away from Dad (or if he chooses to work for husband, he should NOT be allowed to quit--that's HIS terms, just like it's always been). If not, he goes to school FULL TIME and no hanging out with buddies. Just because he shows no signs of using drugs doesn't mean he's not. Is he getting drug tests at random? He should be. He's living exactly like he did when he got into trouble. Just because he is making a few minor concessions, like cleaning his room, in my opinion means nothing. As the mom of a very sneaky kid, in my opinion you're asking for trouble, and, in my opinion, if you don't crack the whip and make him be responsible, you will get it. I would also make him pay rent. I know you don't need the money. It's a responsibility thing. I'd make it at least $100 month, and I'd make him buy his own food and clothes too. If he won't, I'd buy minimum food--all nutritious--and take him to Goodwill for his clothes. This is what I finally did with my daughter. When we decided to "trust" her and left her alone overnight, we came home unexpectedly early and found a few friends smoking pot in the house. This was right after she'd gone off probation. It was then that we told her "rehab or leave." She left telling us she'd hate us forever. But she straightened out. I plead with you not to be too lenient with his child. He has that personality that gets him into trouble. He needs almost NO time to just hang out. He did well when he was in the tightly run enviroment at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). There's a reason for that. Our kids do not handle free time well. And they shouldn't have much free time. They feel better about themselves when they are productive. JMO and experience.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 71134, member: 1550"] I third that. He shouldn't have access to that money, should have to work full time (forget the vacation--vacations are lethal for difficult children) and shouldn't be allowed to see his old friends. He should be on a very tight leash. He does not deserve sleepovers, hanging out, or any money yet. He has a lot to prove. It's only been nine days! in my opinion his good manners could well be covering for what he's doing when he's not home. Sorry not to trust him, but a stint in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) rarely miraculously changes the child. And, yes, he's still a child, mentally. I'd make him choose full time work away from Dad (or if he chooses to work for husband, he should NOT be allowed to quit--that's HIS terms, just like it's always been). If not, he goes to school FULL TIME and no hanging out with buddies. Just because he shows no signs of using drugs doesn't mean he's not. Is he getting drug tests at random? He should be. He's living exactly like he did when he got into trouble. Just because he is making a few minor concessions, like cleaning his room, in my opinion means nothing. As the mom of a very sneaky kid, in my opinion you're asking for trouble, and, in my opinion, if you don't crack the whip and make him be responsible, you will get it. I would also make him pay rent. I know you don't need the money. It's a responsibility thing. I'd make it at least $100 month, and I'd make him buy his own food and clothes too. If he won't, I'd buy minimum food--all nutritious--and take him to Goodwill for his clothes. This is what I finally did with my daughter. When we decided to "trust" her and left her alone overnight, we came home unexpectedly early and found a few friends smoking pot in the house. This was right after she'd gone off probation. It was then that we told her "rehab or leave." She left telling us she'd hate us forever. But she straightened out. I plead with you not to be too lenient with his child. He has that personality that gets him into trouble. He needs almost NO time to just hang out. He did well when he was in the tightly run enviroment at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). There's a reason for that. Our kids do not handle free time well. And they shouldn't have much free time. They feel better about themselves when they are productive. JMO and experience. [/QUOTE]
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