His dad and I were talking last night about difficult child and his situation and dad wondered if we should get him a car. difficult child is a new father of a one-month-old and just got a job last week at a place about 10 miles from where he lives with his mom. He can take the bus to work but the busses have stopped running by the time he gets off of work. Now, he hasn't asked his dad for a car or anything else. In fact, he barely speaks to us. In the last year he has initiated contact only occasionally, and only when he needs something (he hasn't asked for very much: rides home from job he had last fall, borrow the truck to move when he claimed he and girlfriend were getting an apartment which never ended up happening, etc.). Even when the contact ends on a friendly note (with never a thanks of course) the next time dad sees him, when he goes to get 17yo at their mom's house, difficult child will ignore him and only grudgingly answer questions, if at all. He even did this a couple of weeks ago when dad and his dad's best buddy went to get 17yo and difficult child was sitting outside smoking. And this is the guy that difficult child put down as a reference to get this job he has, and difficult child wouldn't even be nice to the guy! Pros of getting him a cheap car are: No excuse that he can't get to work for lack of transportation Could give him the boost he needs toward adulthood difficult child's girlfriend has no car either, she lives with her parents who only have one car, and not a very reliable one, so it could be needed in an emergency Cons of getting him a cheap car are: If we just offer a car to him, it may fuel his sense of entitlement or his belief that things just appear when you need them without working for them or planning for them, even if that effort is nothing more than asking dad for help. (This will, in his mind, absolve difficult child of responsibility for the car because if he didn't ask for it, why should he be liable for it or anything to do with it? Yeah, been there done that with him!) He may not keep it insured or keep up maintenence. He may use it to run around, spend money he doesn't have, buy or sell drugs and get himself fired from yet another job anyway. It could end up causing us lots of grief like the last car did: one year ago when difficult child left here/got kicked out, dad had difficult child's old junker car fixed and took it to him so that he could get to school and work. The car broke down soon after and difficult child just left it. Mom finally found out and called dad to let him know where it was. We went and got it. Dad told difficult child he would need to go with him and have the title transfered into his (difficult child) name and get it insured himself since he was so irresponsible with it and dad didn't want the liability if it was left somewhere and towed or something. difficult child refused and said he never wanted the car anyway. difficult child mom didn't want it either. Then a few weeks later, he decided he wanted it after all, but we had gotten rid of it. So dad feels a bit guilty. Will probably cause friction because then 17yo (and his mom!) will feel that dad should buy him a car since this would be difficult child's second car from dad. (Mom had gotten $ from dad to buy 17yo a car a year ago, and she got one from a 'friend of a friend' which sat in front of her house for months till she got it licenced/insured and then the first time they started it up after that, it caught on fire.) That may mean we would have to buy two cars, and bolster 17yo's sense of entitlement because he has been told by dad that he would need to get a job to help pay for his car/gas/insurance and he refuses to even consider that. (he's a easy child only by comparison to his bro) difficult child/17yo's mom would expect dad to pay for 17yo's gas/insurance/maintenance/repairs, and probably difficult child's too. She would like 17yo to get a job, too, but it is much easier to get dad to pay for things than get 17yo to do it. This would give her lots of excuses to argue with dad. She has stated in no uncertain terms that she will have nothing more to do with the boys' car problems. She won't even insure 17yo under her policy, though he is a licensed minor in her home. She doesn't allow him to drive her car. Nor does difficult child drive her car, for that matter, under any circumstances. Didn't mean for this to get so long! This is turning out to be more complicated than I thought! Any advice/alternative solutions/words of wisdom? thanks!